A JW Elder Calls!!

by Gill 37 Replies latest jw friends

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  Gill

  Moshe - I bet you'd have talked his ears off! Having read your other posts however, and the effect you have on local JWs in your area, I suspect he would have pushed his car home himself rather than ask!

  MC - Yes. My husband is lovely. He is the reason why I don't completely regret having been brought up JW. If I hadn't I would never have been so blessed. As they say 'Every cloud has a silver lining!'

  Kerj2leev and MARY - He was a good samaritan that night. I like how he completely ignored the possibility of my ranting at him as well. He did it even though he knew he may get 'ear ache' from me!

  Linda - The being shunned is was winds me up actually. My husband and he had been friends through childhood and he'd taken to looking the other way whenever he sees us except when he wants something. In the end, we all seem to get what we deserve though, don't we. I have wondered whether he'll be more courteous if he runs into us again. We are simply 'faded' rather than DA'd or DF'd at the moment....so perhaps he'll develop some manners!
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  willyloman

  What your husband knows, that others may not, is that we ex dubs occupy the moral high ground. The dubs think they do, but they don't. The best thing about realizing this is that it makes you much more fearless when you encounter one of them. You already know where you stand. They are the ones to be pitied and felt sorry for.
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  Gill

  Willyloman - I agree with you completely, that we should realise we do have the moral high ground. I think though that is the difference between me and my husband. He knows that and has total confidence in his position. I tend to get angry because I always remember what they're taught to think of us, rather than remember who exactly is right.
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  JWdaughter

  What you felt was right,(it was nervy of the dude), but what your hubby did was right. That is my goal-be nicer than them. Its kinda mean and sneaky (my motivation isn't exactly pure) but I figure it will give them food for thought.

  I don't respect their need to shun me. I think they are very used to d/f'd d/a'd folks trying to be invisible that they get disconcerted when you are natural with them. I respect THEM, but I am NOT a JW that I need to respect the dictates of their leadership. They are free to, of course, and I won't keep chatting with a brick wall-it is hard to be a brick wall to a smiling face. While it may not work with imm. relatives who have chosen to shun you, more distant ones, and friends/aquaintances are easy-cause they usually DO care what you are up to and don't mind chatting you up a bit. I am the grain of sand that turns into a pearl (in my own mind anyway!)

  Shelly
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  willyloman

  I tend to get angry because I always remember what they're taught to think of us,

  Not all of them think what you think they think (is that confusing?).

  I have found that at least some dubs respect the stand we took and wish they could, too. It helps if, when you run into a dub, to imagine they are one of those. It gives you a psychological edge.
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  OnTheWayOut

  Ozziepost wrote:

  But surely hubby is showing that he's so much better than what they are?

  True and I support this position. Don't let them change who you are. I especially support that when it comes to family. Even if they choose not to talk to you, call them or write a letter every now and then. Let the door be open on your side. Let's also understand the opposite. If someone says, "You want nothing to do with us, so leave it at that." I can understand their feelings. If those feelings are expressed toward people who have shunned you, okay, they are justified.
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  Balsam

  Frankly I think being kind and hospitable to JW is the best thing we can do to keep reminding them the kindest people they know are those who have left their ranks. Nurture them when they will let us will draw them toward us rather than repell them.

  Punishing the rank and file is unfair, they are only following the dictates of the old goats at the top of the food chain. Some of these witnesses have lived terrible, down right cruel lives. Most are so poor and uneducated that our kindess to them can help them see another way. I'm with your husband. Fight the Governing Body if you want to fight, but the rank and file followers need our compassion.

  Balsam
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  Finally-Free

  I understand your husband taking the position he did if the guy was a former friend. I would have done it a bit differently, mostly because I never had any JW friends during my 20 years in the cult. There's only one of them I would help today - a MS I sometimes went drinking with. For any others I would offer to call them a tow truck as I would do for a complete stranger.

  W