I must add tho,I donot think it is weak or wrong to play by their rules,it is what ever is best for the person at the time.To move on with your life and be happy!
If you DA yourself are you giving in to the GB?
by bronzefist 40 Replies latest jw friends
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fullofdoubtnow
I da'd because I no longer wanted any association with the wts, having realised that they are just another man - made cult. I don't know, or particularly care, if the gb was hurt by my decision. I knew if I da'd rather than fade they would have to leave me alone while I got on with healing the wound of 25 years in that bs org. It didn't worry me whether or not I was playing by their rules or not.
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greendawn
For me it was just a case of wanting to let them know officially that I was not one of them any longer and they weren't part of anything I was planning to do subsequently.
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Smiles_Smiles
I have seen people DA themselves for the same reason I have seen others not DA themselves. It just happened to be what was best for them personally. It's what helped them to move on and try to heal.
I didn't DA because when I walked away that was IT! I severed the authority that I had given them over me just by the very act of divorcing myself emotionally and mentally and not doing the JW stuff anymore. That was personally what I needed to do for me ... to toally turn my back on the whole thing. I did feel that DAing or allowing them to DF me was playing their game or submitting to some type of authority over me that I had voluntarily given them. I don't believe in DA or DF nor do I really beieve in the concept of 'apostate' etc. I do honor that in the JW world they would define or judge me as an apostate but I truly could care less how they judge me.
So yes I just walked away. And truth be told I shun them as far as true association goes (family included). They are just not healthy for me and my daughter and our emotional/mental/spiritual growth/ healthiness/happiness.
But I am a believer in "Live and Let Live".
Smiles
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rosa
i remember that ABBA song: "but i was a fool, playing by the rules."
that's the problem in the cong.: play by the WTS rules.
if elders has got anything against me, so they has to prove it.. at Court.
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OnTheWayOut
While I am avoiding DA to keep contact with JW family, I can tell you how difficult that is. The brothers want to know what's wrong. They want to help you at every wrong step of the way. If your activity slows, why? If you miss meetings, why? If you have doubts, let's keep meeting with you until your doubts go away (You tire of disagreeing with their same-old argument that the GB is imperfect, but accept everything they say until they change it) . It would be fine to just walk away, and refuse to take the calls of the elders and other witnesses. Many do just that, but for some (especially single people or husband-and-wife together), they get more peace when they politely tell the organization to leave them alone.
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Dismembered
Greetings bronzefist,
:Why not just walk away?
Great idea! But, ahh you knew there'd be a but. We stopped going for years, kept to oursleves gave all the dubs we'd see a wink and a nod. The problem is, "elders" and wanna-be penisless elders a.k.a. pioneers get bored with themsleves and the present status quo. They go out week after week in the watchtower membership drive, and almost all the time, it's to no avail. No one's innerested. "I gut my own religion!" they're told time after time. So, somewhat depressed and very flustered they drive 'round & 'round desperately hoping for, or seeking something constructive to do. After coffee break. Hence they start hassling people who have proved, over and over again they want nothing to do with dubdom anymore by virtue of no showing up. Ones that do not want them there. They go bug 'em anyway. The point being is you can "walk away", but for how long?
Dismembered
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Jourles
I never wanted to play by their rules and write a signed, DA letter. I went so far as to even disregard their little JC meeting that they had set up for me. Instead, I preempted their decision and let them know, via letter through my wife, that I wasn't going to waste their time or mine on a meeting in which the outcome had already been predetermined[by the service department]. I wanted them to DF me in abstentia. DA'ing yourself means following their playbook. At the time of my df'ing, the old verbage was still being used. I wanted the congo to know I was df'd and that I had not da'd myself.
From the time I can remember, someone who was df'd was looked more favorably upon than someone who da'd themself. I know that sounds dumb - "looked more favorably upon" - but it is true in a sense. Growing up, I had always felt that people who da'd themselves intentionally turned their back and would never return. They were viewed as the more outcast of the two. They were the ones who you would more likely shun if you ran into them in a social situation. Anyway, that is how I always viewed it.
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OnTheWayOut
Jourles wrote:
people who da'd themselves intentionally turned their back and would never return. They were viewed as the more outcast of the two. They were the ones who you would more likely shun if you ran into them in a social situation. Anyway, that is how I always viewed it.
I have to agree. DF meant you sinned and needed help, or you don't agree with something. DA meant what Jourles wrote. The generic announcements they use emphasize this even more. You either hear "So-and-so has been disfellowshipped" or "So-and-so is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses." So the same stigma holds up. "No longer a JW" sounds worse. They only thing is that JWs are told to treat them all the same- shun them.
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willyloman
I can tell you how difficult that is. The brothers want to know what's wrong. They want to help you at every wrong step of the way. If your activity slows, why? If you miss meetings, why? If you have doubts, let's keep meeting with you until your doubts go away
This illustrates the point that circumstances are different for each individual. In my case, it hasn't been nearly that difficult. Nobody asks me anything. Nobody calls or comes by. A very few people did at first, but it's now been nearly 2 years since anyone contacted us. That made it easy for us to fade. You may have to be more proactive, given the microsope they apparently have you under.
You either hear "So-and-so has been disfellowshipped" or "So-and-so is no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses."
Actually, that's no longer the case. There is now only one official, authorized announcement, and it's the second of the two you mention: "...no longer one of..." They did away with the previous practice of either announcing so and so had disassociated or was disfellowshipped. I agree with you that "no longer one of" is "worse" in the sense that dubs are trained to be judgmental and to think the worst, so this probably has that effect.