I don't know how I feel...

wonderwoman

So, I got a call from my jw sis yesterday telling me that my grandpa had a stroke and is in the hospital. Gramps is Big-Brother-By-The-Book-JW. I have talked to him a handful of times since I was 18. When I was depressed and went to the hospital/therapy etc..he told me to stop being foolish and all I needed to do was pray and go in service more. ha. really?? That's partly what got me here. I have begged him through phone calls and mail to meet me for coffee or lunch, telling him how much I love him and miss him with no reponse. He has met my children only a couple of times. Ironically he only lives 15 blocks from me. I have gotten a couple early Saturday morning visits from him and grandma and an invite to the memorial. What I'm trying to convey right now is that I want to see him. I hope he's going to be ok. But, my heart has been broken beyond repair by this man. It's breaking now just thinking about it. I wish he could see me for me and that I am a great mother, a diligent student and a hard worker, not to mention a good friend, partner and woman all around!!
What do you think? Do I try to reconcile something that is HIS to reconcile? Do I have to try again to be the grown-up with the almost certain possibility of getting kicked in the face?
I didn't realize this would hit me so hard. I thought I had moved on. I know most of you have been through all of this as well. Thanks for letting me cry on your shoulder.
WW

OpenFireGlass

(((((wonderwoman)))))

Warlock

WW

I'm afraid he will never see what you want him to see. However, when people get really sick, sometimes they soften up. If you want to go see him, then just do it, but without expectation that he has changed and is ready to see the good things about you.

Warlock

Lady Liberty

Dear Wonderwoman,

I am sorry to hear about your Grandpa. I think you should go visit him regardless of what you worry may happen. That way if and when he does pass on, you will at least have the peace of mind that you did what your heart was trying to move you to do. Otherwise you may always regret it. If you are treated badly, then you can at least know that you did the bigger thing and were the true Christian, and set a good example for him. I suspect though that he won't use this time to beat you up for coming to see him. He may suprise you with gratitude. I would go. But that is just me. I wish you peace in what ever you decide. Hang in there, you are among those that really care about you and many who have been in simular shoes.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

darth frosty

I agree with LL, go see him. We know that WT$ conditioning is strong, there are some areas where we have to do what we know is right. And right now you need to let your grandfather know that you still love him. If he still chooses to push you away, sadly its his loss. But you above all must be the better person. Just my 2.

Little Drummer Boy

Hi wonderwoman.

I'm sorry you're upset.

I wish I was some kind of professional trained in counseling so I could give you good advice.

I'm not, so well, along with a whole bunch of hugs, I'd like to mention a few thoughts that crossed my mind.

I don't know much about your situation, just what you post says, but I think that there are several ways that things could turn out. In time we all pass away. We all tend to say things or express attitudes that we wish we could take back. Sometimes we are given time and can make things right. Other times a loved one will pass on before we or they get that chance. You are doing well in trying so hard to try to maintain a family relationship with someone who is rejecting you. And it hurts. Maybe he will soften a little as his end draws nearer. If so, everybody wins. If not, how will you feel when he finally is at rest? If you continue on the way you are, you will at the last come to realize that you did all that you could. You will realize it not just mentally but emotionally on a deep level. You will know that you tried your best to be there for him. You will eventually have peace because you did what was right even though it hurt like hell at the time.

I don't believe in the bible anymore other than that it contains some useful ideas that can make our lives better. But, one of the most valuable concepts that I glean from the scriptures and that I do believe is that of expressing true love for others. If you are commited to keep on doing that for your grandpa like you have been then you have already won.

Now, I fully realize that none of that may have made any sense. I'm certainly not one of the great word smiths on the board here. But maybe it will help you a little.

Hugs and Love,

LDB

Satans little helper

(((((((Wonderwoman)))))))

It took me a long time to get past feeling exactly the same pain about how I have been treated by my father. Unfortunately being a JW develops some sort of hard heartedness where they would sooner cut off their own noses just to spite you and make you feel bad. They think it will make us "see the error of our ways" but it just underlines the lack of love within their religion.

SLH

bigmouth

"When I was depressed and went to the hospital/therapy etc..he told me to stop being foolish and all I needed to do was pray and go in service more."

Tell him to harden up and stop being an attention seeker, after all, that's all a stroke is.

Good grief! 15 blocks away, grandchildren, caring grand-daughter!!

The man will die the way he lived.

bigmouth

I,m sorry Wonderwoman. I think you are a real softy. Your story sounds so like my 'raised in the truth' wifes experience that I saw red at the way you've been treated. I have nothing nice to say about him.

Love and best wishes, Pete.

fullofdoubtnow

(((((Wonderwoman)))))

I think that you should just go and see him, and see what happens. If he rejects you, then at least you will have tried.

I hope he recovers soon, and his attitude softens towards you.

Linda

I don't know how I feel...

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