Who else has trouble making friends? (page 2)

jwfacts

I have been able to make a few very good friends, and many acquaintences. The most difficult thing at first is knowing what to talk about. Being a JW is like being in a cocoon, and I used to feel like an alien around non JWs. I found keeping up with the news, reading books etc helped teach me about real life to slowly be able to relate to others.

new light

JWFacts, you hit the nail on the head regarding feelin comfortable with yourself around others. This is major.

girasole

Thank you for posting this. I was going to post the exact same question but you beat me to it. :)
Sometimes I feel like I have two strikes against me - being an ex-jw and also being an only child.
Growing up I spent a lot of time alone. As a child, having no siblings, I played alone and figured out
how to entertain myself. Sometimes in social situations I feel like everyone else received some memo
before the "party" that I didn't get - one that told them what to say, what to ask, how to act.

I don't blame the JWs entirely for my situation. I would have a measure of social anxiety with or without
them, I'm sure. But the feelings that they instilled of being suspicious of others, being separate, keeping
the world at a distance, certainly hasn't helped since I left. It's been four years and I have yet to develop any
close friendships.

Then there's also been the struggle of getting to know myself all over again. It's hard to get close to anyone and
share yourself with someone when you're not even really sure who you are. Maybe others feel the same - but after I
left there was such emotional havoc that I was mentally and emotionally tired - I sort of "hibernated" for a while.
I just lived from day to day not really thinking critically about anything or doing any deep thinking. It's only
recently that I've really started to feel "in my skin" and really understand who I am - what I'm about.

I suppose it just takes time.

girasole

purplesofa

I found keeping up with the news, reading books etc helped teach me about real life to slowly be able to relate to others.

Music, being able to relate to people with, through music has been a great avenue for me.

purps

penny2

my girl and I are getting married Friday

All the best for your wedding, new light. The bride will be focusing on her family and friends (as well as on you) so don't worry too much. Just enjoy the day!!

penny2

solo

jwfacts I can relate to that completely. I was a fish out of water, I felt a complete fraud because I had no idea what people were talking about, having not had a TV for 10 years and been completely protected from anything and everything. It felt so naughtly to be listening to conversations, even trying to join in - my shyness didn't help. I didn't even swear - I hadn't a clue how to. I had no knowledge of films, movie stars, TV, sex, socialising - I'd never even been tipsy and I was not used to the way people talked and the expressions they used. It was such a shock to the system.

I was distant which others interpreted as aloof, I was worried about joining in because I didn't want to look a total fool and show myself up. I became defensive and agressive and untrusting of people.

It took a few years for me to get clued up on things, trust people and be able to join in comfortably without worrying that people could see JW tattooed on my head. I would not mention that cult to anyone, it was my dirty secret and still is to some extent.

shera

I didn't grow up as a JW,but I do have a lil hard time making friends.I don't have the gift of small talk.I can be very quite and I stand back and get to know people before I open up. I do have to add,I'm getting out of it somewhat,I am not near as shy as I used to be! Whoo hoo!

riverofdeceit

Anyway, this whole no friends deal is right in my face this week as my girl and I are getting married Friday and my side of the chapel will be just a tad empty. OK, really empty, as my parents are it. Pretty embarrassing, actually, as my JW sister turned down her invite and my JW brother never RSVP'ed, so 95% of the guests will be from Jen's side. Man, I just hope she can deal with the visual of only 2 people there for her future husband. Reminds me of when Marge Simpson's mother marries Mr. Burns and the only guest on his side is a WWII Nazi with a spiked helmet, while her side of the church is full, but, I digress...

Sounds like my wedding. Two sisters, a NON-JW aunt and uncle. wooooohooooo. My stepdad did show up for the reception.

It's always weird when you are invited to a volleyball game and they ask you if you know anyone else who might want to play...

Sometimes in social situations I feel like everyone else received some memo
before the "party" that I didn't get - one that told them what to say, what to ask, how to act.

Reminds me of a song that opens:

"what does friend mean to you?

a word so wrongfully abused

are you like me, confused

all included but you

alone..."

mama1119

My brother has a hard time making friends. It is a direct result of the dubs, for many reasons. It takes ALOT to get him to talk to you at all, and he trusts NO ONE. He is very suspicious of people. He really doesn't feel comfortable with anyone except family. I know he wants to be more social, but the wall is to thick.

free2beme

I have been through several stages of making friends. In the beginning of my exit, I was way to easy to be friends with and ended up with friends I would not care to be friends with. I have also been the type to be very hard to be friends with. Now, I am more in a phase of just not looking, and yet people do seem to want to be my friend. I just lost interest in trying and just try to keep the friends I have, and work with them to make them better friendships.

Who else has trouble making friends?

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