When are ex-jws/Apostates going to get on with their lives?

by booker-t 38 Replies latest jw friends

  • love2Bworldly
    love2Bworldly

    I think different people need different paths for their own healing. I've gotten on with my life, but enjoy coming to this site and reading and learning and trying to encourage people who are having a hard time after leaving the JWs.

    I know what you mean about support groups though. I was encouraged to go to WEAVE meetings years ago when I divorced my first husband (or maybe I had to go to get help filing a restraining order I don't remember) he was controlling and abusive--but not to the point where he hit me because I left him before he got to that point. When I attended a couple of meetings, I was very overwhelmed by some of the ladies in the group because some of them were going through getting beatings and having their children beaten and I felt extremely depressed by it and couldn't handle having to hear their stories. I stopped going after the second meeting--but that doesn't mean that some people weren't getting a lot out of going to these group sessions because they needed it.

    Then I was encouraged to join a support group for Al-Anon, because I seem to have issues with co-dependency. The same thing happened to me at these meetings as the WEAVE meetings, there were people who were dealing with very severe situations and it was very depressing, and since I wasn't with my alcoholic/pothead spouse anymore--I didn't see the point in going to these meetings.

  • lowden
    lowden

    I find myself sympathising with you booker-t.

    To rant on and on about it for 2 hours at a social gathering where people are there to enjoy themselves is almost dysfunctional.

    We have left HELL......why would we want to bring it with us??

    This site is good for the occasional rant but some do seem to be really bogged down and damaged, which is sad.

    Peace

    Lowden

  • Dismembered
    Dismembered
    Re: When are ex-jws/Apostates going to get on with their lives?

    This cat will not be "turning the other cheek" anytime soon. When the day comes that watchtower fails, or ceases to exist, then, i'm sure peoples mixed emotions will evaporate. Until then it's a healing process. Different strokes for different folks.

    Dismembered

  • Velta
    Velta

    I think that most of us when we first are disfellowshipped, react as if we had taken poison. We have to vomit it out until it is totally gone. At first, it is often and sometimes people get in the throw-up and get it all over them, which is regretable, but this process must take place. I remember when we were dfd in 1983, we told everyone who got in our path "what had happened to us". It didn't matter if you were interested or not, you heard it. We thought we were the only JWs who had ever disagreed with the WT. My husbands' brother who had been at Bethel, a DO, a CO and who was currently in the process of leaving the WT gave us the names of 30 or more people we could write to to be encouraged that we were not alone. We bought our first computer then so I could "copy and paste" to make my letters personal without having to handwrite all of this information. This was before the days of the Internet. I am so grateful that today people can find websites where there are others who are going through or have gone through, the same thing. It takes a while to get back on your feet after the hurt that is imposed on us. Some longer than others depending on their circumstances.

    Velta

  • looseend
    looseend

    I could see why that would bother him. I'am not bogged down with hatred. I have never been to a social event bashing the BTS, but I can also see how it could help some people. Not everyone can just wash there hands of it. Some still have family members that are still in it, and that keeps it fresh in your mind. Also not every family completly disowns you because you decided not to believe in it anymore. I am new to this site but it still intrests me to talk about it. If I can help out with someone else or they can help me with a subject so be it.

  • Alpheta
    Alpheta

    I agree with many of the others have said. I guess I'm one of the "lucky" ones, because I don't have family in the WT, I came in to it as a 43 year old woman with a college education and full-blown support system outside that I never gave up; so leaving after 10 years wasn't as traumatic an event for me as it is for so many others. We all have such different circumstances...

    I started visiting here initially to see if I could find out anything about the WT financial situation, that is something that ALWAYS interested me even while I was in and from time to time I'd do a few searches to see if I could find anything new on the internet. After reading so many testimonies and experiences here that have broken my heart - they hurt so much reading them - I got so sad, and angry too. And frustrated that such an organization continues to exist, seeming immune to the immense amount of suffering it has caused - rather like it accuses the Roman Catholic Church! But there are stories of hope and love and triumph here too, and vindication.

    So if people need to vent at get-togethers, that's part of their process and I guess one should expect that might happen at such get-togethers, along with lots of good things too.

  • Honesty
    Honesty

    Some ex JW's may have more suitcases to unpack than you did, booker.

  • carla
    carla

    I wonder if you would ask a mother who lost a child and belonged to MADD (mother's against drunk driving) the same question. Be glad you healed quickly, you are lucky. Now what are you doing to keep others from joining this cult and going through the hell many here have?

  • Good Girl or Bad Girl?
    Good Girl or Bad Girl?

    My guess is that there are different groups at these events, some people who want to sit and vent, and some who want to just party it up. So perhaps, find the appropriate group to converse with, and you will feel much happier about it?

    Some people are fresh out and a little bitter (myself included). But that's their right. Others, like daystar, just find a way to entertain people (by making the folks from across the pond say hillbilly things, lol).

    Good Girl or Bad Girl - who likes to vent, but also loves to have a good time

  • AlanF
    AlanF

    It seems to me, booker-t, that you're sorely lacking in empathy.

    AlanF

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