If you walked into a restaurant and saw a beautiful woman, would the male member of your relationship say that they felt they were pretty? If your a man and your female lover said she thought a movie star was hot, a person she worked with was sexy, would you be jealous? I am in a unique relationship, in that my spouse and I do not care about that kind of stuff. We will say people are attractive or sexy all the time. I have even seen attractive people and asked that they think about dressing that way, as it looks sexy or good and make-up suggestions have been made when woman do something unique or attractive. None of it is something that ends up making us jealous, but most of our friends are the opposite. I have a female friend who wants to live in a fantasy world, that her boyfriend never thinks of other woman and if he says something about someone being cute, she will leave angry. It seems to be more normal to be jealous, then I thought. So how is your relationship, is it strong enough to notice someone who is sexy or attractive, without being jealous?
Are you a jealous lover, or with a jealous lover?
by free2beme 13 Replies latest jw friends
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liquidsky
If you walked into a restaurant and saw a beautiful woman, would the male member of your relationship say that they felt they were pretty?
No but I would.
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bikerchic
I have a female friend who wants to live in a fantasy world, that her boyfriend never thinks of other woman and if he says something about someone being cute, she will leave angry. It seems to be more normal to be jealous, then I thought.
Normal to be jealous? You've got to be kidding! Jealous people are insecure people what's normal about being insecure as an adult? Maybe as a pimple faced teenager but as you mature you should become more confident with yourself and secure with your peer group. Jealously has no place in mature secure relationships.
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skyking
I have been married over twenty plus years I do not have a jealous bone in my body, Neither does my wife except for three different women that I know of. The only reason she is of them is because she knows I still like them, very much, and all three of them were at one time very much part of my life. But she would allow me to go out with any of the three and she would never ask me what went on, why because she knows I love her and I would never do anything to hurt her. She does get mad at me for not being jealous she says it would be nice if I acted jealous just once. I tell her no way I will never act that way.
I feel if she wanted someone else then that is only natural and not dirty in anyway. I tell her when I think someone is attractive and she tells me the same thing. This is what a healthy relationship is like, you should trust your mate enough to tell them the truth. Some marriages I know the partner tippy toes around trying to never give the other a reason to be jealous, I know some mate that have snooped into the other person private things, Some that have had their friends follow their mates. I feel secure enough that I would tell my mate to leave or I would leave if that even happened one time.
I hate jealous people I do not like being around them. I have found that if you are around a jealous person something in time will set them off and then every one's good time is destroyed.
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misanthropic
Jealousy is insecurity; an insecure relationship is not a relationship worth having.
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Purza
We will say people are attractive or sexy all the time.
I am in a similar relationship. If I see a very attractive woman I will even ask my husband if he thinks she is pretty. I have no problem if he says yes. We went to a comedy show the other night and one of the guys was extremely sexy and I told my husband so. We have a very trusting relationship and I personally do not feel that strong sense of jealousy and neither does he.
Jealously has no place in mature secure relationships.
Amen Bikerchic!
Purza
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Schism
I don't know really. Stuff like this always gets me down because I think of those married men out there who walk into the walls to look at me or my mom and their wives are standing right there and look very hurt.
My husband and I are absolutely identical with our views towards the opposite sex. I often point out a woman who I think is gorgeous, because I feel that they are so rare, and he will agree. Same goes for other men as well. But neither of us will gawk at another person. You know? Get into the staring thing and almost pass out? I think that's trashy and I would be DEVASTATED if he ever decided to start that mess. But he also expresses how unbelievably sad he would be if I did it as well. So, we really don't have any problems in that department, as we trust each other because we both want to treat each other the way we want to be treated.
So, I don't think jealousy is a black and white thing. I think it's healthy for a couple to be able to recognize an attractive person without wanted to go home and masturbate while thinking of the other person. To me, you might as well initiate a threesome, because it would hurt me just the same.
I can remember a few years back, me and my mom walked into a restaurant and some man was at a table with his wife. He started staring and was making it so obvious! His wife got up and stormed out, passing an angry glance at us before leaving. I wanted to slap her husband across the face for being such a jerk. Something tells me that this sort of lack of respect carries on into the bedroom at home as well. A person behaving that way can cause the other mate to become a jealous lover before he realizes it. I just don't know how someone can stay in a marriage like that, with zero respect for the others' feelings.
But you guys are right on the money. I agree there's nothing wrong with being honest about how someone else looks. You just have to differentiate between a jealous person and a JEALOUS person, because I'm sure no one wants a stranger's name yelled out in the bedroom! LOL
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Woofer
My husband and I are not the jealous type. I will point to a girl and say "I can't believe she's not wearing a bra!" or something like that.
My ex-husband was the most jealous person on the planet. He'd get mad if I talked to his own brother! He would accuse me of going upstairs into our daughters bedroom just so I could check out our neighbor mowing his grass. He would tell me what to wear, who my friends could be, even going so far as to tell me how far apart I could stand from another man (18 inches was his rule). He got seriously upset with me because I thought Russell Crowe was hot. I told him "what are you worried about, I'll never meet him?" He said "Yes, but everyone has a twin."
I had 8 years of that and he wonders why I left????? Found out after our divorce that he was running around on me.
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greendawn
Rather jealousy for trivial reasons is a sign of immaturity and only justified when there is a serious cause. I used to be very jealous in earlier times but not at this age.
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skyking
A jealous person is a person that does not trust him or herself. They are jealous for a reason and that is because their thinking about F###ing that hot person they are around. So their non-trust of themselves is transposed onto their mate.