I appreciate your posting and it gives me some hope. To answer your questions:
1) The adopted children are actually her grandchildren. Both of them come from previous marriages and have sczophrenic sons. The husbands son had 2 children and was sexually abusive to them, so they adopted both girls
2) Both of them converted to JW when they were using drugs a number of years ago, and have not gone threw any 12 step recovery program, so in my few are effectivley "dry drunks".
3) The husband refuses to get medical attention for his anger/deppression and I secretly think that he may have similar mental illness problems as his son. He has made several suicide attempts and recently asked his wife for a divorce, not due to her association with me but because he claimed that he did not believe in the religion. My friend for the last 2 years has gone to meetings ect...not as active as she would like to be but there are other circumstances that come into play.
4) The other thing I did not mention is that my friend has a lesbian daughter who has left the JW, and really wanted to try and understand the "lifestyle" she misses her daughter very much. That is not all I have incommon with her, we both love animals, have similar life experiences, I have released over 200 pounds threw a 12 step program and she has some weightloss issues, we have the same sence of humor ect... What niether one of us can understand is how her husband can continue to have "wordly" friends from work that drink and smoke over to the house, he lets them smoke and drink.
I am so frustrated because she has confided in my that there are much LARGER issues in her marriage them this issue with me. She feels obligated to stay with her husband, even though he emotionally abused her and sometimes gets physical. What would the elders say about that? Do women have to stay with someone who is abussive?