Breaking my silence

dawgfan

Hi:

I am a long time lurker (almost 2 years) but first time poster. Even though you didn't know me before now, I feel like I have known a lot of you for quite a while. From my time viewing JWD, I have learned many things and have felt like sometimes that you were talking directly to me. I have read many of your stories (testimonials) and have shared in your sadness and redemption. I apologize sincerely to each of you that I didn't offer to you support of my own but know that although you didn't know I existed, you were always in my prayers.

I have wanted to share my own story for about 2 months but always made excuses for not. It’s time now for me to finally jump on board and make my contribution.

I have never been a JW but I am one of those countless people whose lives have been
affected by the WTS policies and will probably always be.

I was introduced to my wife (the JW in the story) about 7 years ago. At the time it was
solely an email correspondence because she lived far away. I was given her picture and email by a former college friend who was married to her cousin (a faded JW herself).

I finally got to meet her in person 4 years ago when she moved closer. Our relationship progressed (regardless of the religious differences (myself at the time was nonreligious). It was at the time a minor annoyance that she was a JW but I accepted that because it was part of her and I was in love with who she was.

We married 2 years ago in a civil ceremony by a judge in front of friends and family (mostly mine because I was non JW - her parents and aunt and uncle didn't attend even though I did try earnestly to do positive things for them - that upset me then and still does). I am not very close to my own family and have never felt fully supported by hers.

I admit that I wasn't always the perfect husband and most of the arguments that were between us originated because of me. However I wasn't a bad person. I think that she probably always thought that she could convert me. I only went with her a few times to some sunday meetings and to the great jesus rejection memorials and a couple of boring conventions. I could never buy into all of that because I could see through all of the watchtower "crap".

Most of the time of our marriage, she was absent because of all the time devoted to the orginization. When she wasn't spending her nights with the orginazation she was working late more and more. This made me very depressed most nights to come home from an exhaustive day of work and be all alone or to spend a great portion of my weekend by myself.

Three months ago she goes on vacation (paid for by me) for 2 weeks to visit her old friends. When I go pick her up at the airport with a rose because she always said that she wanted to arrive like that, I could tell that things were different. She wouldn't even kiss me on the lips and brushed away my attempts at intimacy that night.

A few weeks later she tells me that she wants to separate with me because she has changed and doesn't love me the same. She told me that she wants to become more "spiritual" with Jehovah. I get upset and I move to different bedroom but I kept hoping that she would invite me back. Now things have progressed that we will be getting a divorce. It’s hard for me to accept because I still love her but I cannot change to her expectations and now I see that she won't change to mine. I could still love her and reluctantly accept her differences but she has made the decision to dump her "worldly" husband.

When met, I had everything paid for, a retirement fund, and no debt. Now I have nothing and am struggling to make financial obligations. I "lost" all of this systematically by supporting her. I didn't have a lot of regrets during this because I loved her and thought I was the most important part of her life.

Coming to terms with myself on this divorce has been difficult, although when I analyze the situation and think about it in terms of "if we had children": I wouldn't be able to celebrate their birthdays and share holidays and that if they had an accident and needed
blood that she would put up a fight to prevent that, plus the horrifying thought of my own flesh and blood going door to door or standing on a corner giving out "heretical" material from the WTS all makes me kind of glad just to be able to one day get out of
this situation.

I know I will move on eventually - will take a lot of time, patience, and prayers - but I've got a long road ahead of me.

Also, I struggle with the anger that the WTS took my wife away from me.

KW13

Good on you for joining, welcome to JWD. Sharing your story isn't easy but it will do good for others too. Hope you hang around

luna2

Welcome, dawgfan. Glad you have relinquished your lurker status.

So sorry to hear about your marriage ending like this. How very sad. Eventually, you will get over it but being rejected by someone you still love for a dumb religious cult is hard to take.

onesong

A warm welcome Dawgfan.

Sorry to hear of your difficult situation. No doubt it's very painful right now but I think you'll be better off in the long run.

Without trying to read into the story too much, it sounds like your wife was maybe somewhat on the fringes of the Org. (they're continually counseled NOT to marry or be involved with "worldly people")

jgnat

Hey, long time lurker! You probably know who I am! If it's any consolation, her life is really gonna suck a few months from now when your support (emotional and financial) runs dry.

You will recover from the loss (emotional and financial). You have a treasure she will never appreciate, self-awareness. That can never be taken from you.

Dansk

WELCOME!

Ian

lonelysheep

Welcome to JWD dawgfan!!!! You will find support here.

I'm sorry your wife chose the wts over your love. They do it, though--they teach people to put jehovah first, above anything and everyone else.

dawgfan

thank you guys!
and yes jgnat I do recognize you and have read your contributions because I could identify

Lady Liberty

Dear Dawgfan,

WELCOME & (((HUGS)))!!!!

You have obviously been through ALOT! I am so sorry about your wife. You have found the right place if you are looking for support and friendship. We welcome you and look forward to hearing more from you. You will find it very healing to be here.

Sincerely,

Lady Liberty

cyberdyne systems 101

Thanks for posting dawg, that was a heart wrenching account, i'm so sorry that the WTS has split another union. Looking back with hindsite and reading this board you have probably realised that this may well have been inevitable, unfortunately when Jw's lead a double life you are fooled into thinking you can have a normal union with them, but if they get an attack of the guilts, your out on your ear. Dont be too hard on yourself, there are always things we can regret about out lives but as long as we learn from all we do then its not wasted. Give yourself time to work through this, and with your new 'voice' here you can vent some of your feelings. Hang in there and welcome

CS 101

Breaking my silence

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