Single Dad- spark

by D in Dallas 14 Replies latest jw friends

  • D in Dallas
    D in Dallas

    Hey all, I've been reading this sight for a year now and have never posted.The last topic sparked my "need" to do so.I got a girl pregnant 13 yrs. ago that I really didn't know that well. She turned out to be a "non-practicing J.W", according to her, until she became pregnant and realized that I was not going to marry her....I knew her for about a week. Anyway, we shared custody 50/50 until he was 4 yrs. old at which time we went to court because she wanted 100% control. She is absolutely nutty in every sense of the word and I was given primary custodian and he's lived with me ever since and is getting ready to turn 13 in November. He has 1st,3rd and 5th weekends with her and Tuesday evenings until 8:00. She also married a few yrs. ago to an non-J.W. who shows no interest in her beliefs and says that it's "her business".I also married almost 5 yrs. ago and have 3 small children who adore their big brother as he does them. He's smart, well rounded and loved by all who know him. His mom has continued to disparage us and our beliefs from day 1...."we bad for celebrating holidays, flag, etc"....you all know the spill.

    For about the past year she and her family...sisters, mother, etc. have really put the hammer down on him and I can see the change. He's starting to question all the things he does and is in constant turmoil because of all the b.s. they are feeding him. We do all we can by exposing him to all kinds of stuff and teaching him the importance of free thinking and questioning things, etc. He's super smart, makes all A's, plays football, basketball, baseball...goes to youth group and church with us...has tons of Normal friends...hardly any JW friends (3) but comes home from her house flat...depressed, etc. He says that alot of the stuff makes sense when she's telling it to him but "it still doesn't make sense". He also has gone to a child play counselor since he was 8 yrs. old....she says to keep doing what were doing and he'll be okay...that he knows what is right and wrong...but cannot seperate the religeon from his mom...she treats him inappropriately like he's still a 4 yr.old...coddling, talking to him like he's a baby...calling him pooter bear, sugar bee, etc. Really weird stuff but noone wants to "tread on her religeous rights".

    I am here to seek advise from anyone out there. I know alot of your stories and have a huge fear that no matter what we do she is going to guilt and shame him into buying into this stuff finally. He loves holidays and b-day parties but gets the whole "you know Jeh. isn't happy with you when you do those things....don't you want to please Jeh?"

    Anyway, sorry for the long post. I appreciate all of you and what you've been thru and love that you were able to get out of this evil org. and do what you want to do.

    Thanks for letting me be a part of this.

    D in Dallas

  • BlackPearl
    BlackPearl

    Teach him what the word "Guilt" means, that'll fix him right up. He'll be able to separate it out for himself.

  • lonelysheep
    lonelysheep

    Welcome D!!

    Although I wasn't raised jw, I say to keep doing what you're doing.

  • D in Dallas
    D in Dallas

    thanks ya'll...I can see your replies when I go to my post history but my post is not showing up on my screen under FRIENDS...my first time so any clue what I may be doing wrong?

    thanks!

  • mama1119
    mama1119

    Keep on doing what you are doing, try not to slam the beliefs, but explain why they are wrong. Good Luck!

  • lonelysheep
    lonelysheep

    D--it may need time to refresh.

    "Active Topics" at the top is a way to check it as well.

  • thecarpenter
    thecarpenter

    Introduce him to this forum and have him familarize himself with the various teachings of JW's by ex-JW's. Unfortunately, you don't have a deep enough understanding of the belief system and may not necessarily have enough bible knowledge to answer his questions. Also let him read 'Combatting Cult Mind Control' by Steven Hassan. Very interesting reading.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    Probably best to follow a counselor's advice, but if you want more than that-

    Have him talk to your religious leader if you have one. I would say you can
    teach him the good about holidays and birthdays. You might tell him why you
    don't agree with JW's- not deep doctrine but stuff about God destroying all the
    good people all around the world who are not Witnesses, yet never heard of
    Jehovah, he'll destroy Dad, and his siblings, too, according to them.

    A boy likes to emulate his father, so just saying that you think JW's
    are wrong, he is likely to decide that he will agree with you.

    Tell him enough that it will be hard for JW's to satisfy all his questions.
    You might need to de-program him after each visit, unfortunately. Ask
    him if there are new questions.

    The extreme measure is to get legal advice. Some have gotten religious
    custody and the right to keep the other parent's religion out of the life of
    children. Sounds like you don't need that, but don't rule it out.

  • love2Bworldly
    love2Bworldly

    Welcome!

    Your son sounds very intelligent. If you explain to him that JWs are still involved in Pagan practices in many many ways and that it doesn't make sense that they only choose certain things to avoid.

    Examples: round cakes--Pagan wedding rings--Pagan Heart shape--Pagan

    I can't think of more right now, maybe some other posters can help me out here.

    Also learn as much as you can about CULTS and teach him to avoid them. Not celebrating holidays is just one way the JW religion uses to ISOLATE people from family and friends. That is a CULT tactic to isolate people.

  • crazyblondeb
    crazyblondeb

    I just wanted to jump in and say hello, and welcome!! I recently moved from that area, and miss it greatly!! Kimberly Norris is a great attorney in the DFW area, and VERY familiar with the JW's. (If you find you need one.)

    blessed be, shelley

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