To disfellowship a suicidal person is about as far away from Jesus' teachings of love that one could get. And I know that physical pain is destructive of body and mind. You need to take credit for the inner strength that you have shown to make it through all of these things and basically without the help your family and husband should have given you.
I can't remember who posted this, but I wanted to say that I know how this feels. I was already disfellowshipped at the time, in a JC meeting, very depressed and suicidal, and I pleaded, begged and cried, big big (real) tears, was at my lowest of lows, for the elders to please reinstate me, after nearly two long lonely years of doing everything they asked, having almost no association with anybody. I told them that I was thinking every waking moment of suicide and I couldn't bear any more loneliness and pain. It wasn't an excuse, it was an honest plea for my life.
They replied, with no emotion whatsoever, that I was missing the point of the discipline, and they couldn't reinstate me just because I'm suicidal, but it had to be for Jehovah.
WTF. (I did attempt suicide earlier this year, and that woke me up to finally walk away and pursue my happiness, for the sake of my life, which is weirdly meaningless to my JW family.)
Some of your story is so far beyond anything I've ever had to endure, and I'm amazed by your inner strength and beauty. I'm so so so glad you made it here; like many have already said, I'll echo it whole-heartedly, you will meet real, genuinely caring people here, who know how to show real love!
So many virtual hugs to you, Free Girl, your story brought me to tears because of all the pain I could read in your words. You are such a strong and amazing person. What happened to you was so completely wrong, and you didn't deserve any of it. You are a good person, and don't let anyone convince you otherwise. It looks like you don't need me to say those words, because of how strong you seem, but it doesn't hurt to say them anyway. You have endured many years of pain, and so now you should have many many (the rest of them) years of happiness and people telling you how loved you are.
WELCOME to the FORUM!!!
Good Girl or Bad Girl
