My New Childrens Book - First Chapter

Naeblis

Jack was his name and killing puppies was his game. He was the best god damned puppy killer around, and folks in them here parts knew he always did good work. "Got too many puppies," the old man drawled, "don't wants to kill them but what can be done?"

"Leave it to me sir."

Jack knew that there were places for all sorts of people in the world. So he liked to kill puppies and burn their ears with fire and eat them with a good slaw. What of it?

"Come here little puppy." The puppy backed away nervously...

Jack was really full. Puppies always had that..extra sumthin sumthin.

It was good to be alive.

It was good.

Puppies were good.

In the belly.

bitter mango

Naeblis

People think better with a full belly. Especially when the belly is full of delicious delicious puppy ears. So Jack got an idea. It's about time he got himself a partner.

Her name was Mary Marigold. She was as tall as she was wide but she would have to do. After all, this wasn't exactly woman's work. She spat and extended a grimy hand.

"Nice ta meet ya, name's Mary."

" I know," Jack said, hand meeting hers and squeezing hard, "It says it right on your forehead. Did you draw that?"

"Sure did. Helps me remember when I look in da mirror. BUt I mussa always writie it wrong cause da letters look all backwards. I been thinking these last 3 days how it gets that I do that."

Jack thought long and hard. She would have to do..

"Mary..let's talk puppies."

detective

It's good so far. I'm not reaaly getting to know Jack or the puppies however. A little more character development might work to increase the emotional impact. Maybe you could describe the puppies- are they furry with big brown eyes? Floppy ears. Yelping could do wonders in bringing a gentle tear to the eye!

Over all a great read. That and the borg books as bedtime stories and your kids will be so fucked up, they might end up normal.

AGuest

Uh, Naeb? While you and old Jack are, uh, scheduling your next puppy killings, try to keep in mind, hon, that it's either 'them there'... or 'these here'... parts.

SJ, on my own, being pedant, and, it appears, inadvertently encouraging puppy killing. NOT.