*evil glares* < not directed at gopher sorry for the misunderstanding!
My New Childrens Book - First Chapter
by Naeblis 18 Replies latest jw friends
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Naeblis
I knew as soon as I saw her that she was going to be the dame. Her name was Sassy Sasso, the half-sister of the biggest pimp in our town. She was all legs and a bucket of fried chicken.
"It's the puppies Sassy. There's just too god damned many of em."
Sassy sniffed. "Aint that the truth."
She spoke in a way that made my hair stand on end. Hell, if my hair had hair, it'd be standing on end too. I could tell there was going to be some major sparks between us, and not just cause my underwear was rustier than a golf club left in a tsunami.
"But can ya handle the death killin? There's some real death killin ya know. The puppies. Sure they's small but they fight back like the dickens!"
"Grandpa Dickens?"
"What?"
"Like Grandpa Dickens?"
"Yes," I stammered. I didn't know what to say. She was perfect. We made wild love on the floor.
For one shining moment. Neither of us was thinking about puppies. The world was good. But tomorrow would b e another day
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Tatiana
Can't wait until tomorrow.....
April
"Love never dies." Voivodul Vlad Draculea (from Bram Stoker's Dracula-1992)
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waiting
Howdy Naeblis,
Sincerely don't mean to be a downer here......but about 6 months ago, if I would have clicked into here - you're words would have triggered me into a panic attack within seconds, as I have mpd/did.
One fine reason for my reactions is that my father did, indeed, find great satisfaction in killing animals. All my pets over the years. I learned many a lesson watching them killed in front of me in very slow, untender ways. A very knowledgeable puppy killer, amongst other dubious achievements.
The last time a joke was put forth about having sex with animals, etc., I was unprepared and reacted too strongly, as my father had a compulsion for sex with my pets also, when he couldn't find little boys - and was called down for my reaction very strongly by half-dozen posters. I finally apologized - as one must react *nicely* at all times.
I find it an oddity that sex with animals, the killing of animals, can be joked about, no matter how crude the joke. And some of the joke are crude and funny - well worth chuckling over. But if a person speaks about it seriously, it can be found offensive by others - and others can respond offensively. Like, it's ok to joke about such things, but we don't want to know the reality of such things.
I'm not reacting too strongly this time, just thought you might want to be aware that to some people - killing animals, particularily totally self-defenseless ones, just isn't funny. An entire thread devoted to a man really good at killing animals is stretching the validity of a joke......as in "where's the punchline?"
If you'd like a real life example put forth in your book about a really good puppy killer, just say so - be glad to oblige - as I remember the sights, sounds & smells quite nicely. Perhaps it'll make your stories more lifelike & valid - that is what's selling books nowadays. Afterall, I was a child when all this happened, so maybe we can make other children smile too, eh?
waiting
ps: If you'd like the "reality touch" to your children's book, let me know on another post, etc. I'll try not to click in here again as it's hard. Don't want to spoil your puppy killer humor any further.
I don't believe I've invaded others' boundaries here, as the subject was already proffered. Nor have I acted completely inappropriately, as it is was a joke - and I acknowledged the joke. I just politely brought in realism, but not angerily. I don't believe that calmly presenting the other side of the coin would be considered "whining" - just reality in a grossness presented as a joke.
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joannadandy
woof, that was a downer
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funkyderek
I'm a vegetarian and hate the idea of anyone hurting or killing animals, but I'm damn near pissing myself laughing here!
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Xander
"I like em french-fried pertaters. Mmmm-hmmmm."
or, perhaps
"I don't reckon I got no reason to kill nobody. Mmm-hmmm."
Edited by - Xander on 14 June 2002 16:34:14
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waiting
Ahhhhhhhhh, the oddity of people finding the killing of animals - or anything - funny.
I find it an oddity that sex with animals, the killing of animals, can be joked about, no matter how crude the joke. And some of the joke are crude and funny - well worth chuckling over. But if a person speaks about it seriously, it can be found offensive by others - and others can respond offensively. Like, it's ok to joke about such things, but we don't want to know the reality of such things.
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waiting
If I ever figure out how to get out of quote mode effectively - it'll go smoother. Bach to the fine art of joking about killing animals.
I had a cute little table & chairs down in the basement of a slum double my family rented - right beside the coal bin and huge furnace. Any little girl's dream house, eh? Wasn't bad to play there, the black waterbugs (huge cockroaches) only came out first thing in the morning and rats at night. Honestly, we didn't think about such things as it was usually quiet down there.
Well...........we had this cat who was pregnant - vastly so. Being a cute little 5/7year old myself - I used to think of them as my babies too - I don't think I'd seen kittens before in reality. My father gave me this reality lesson one day - at my cute little table. He broke the cat's neck, then layed her out on the table, and then gutted her. Naturally, since I was his favorite child - and was in need of a lesson, I was there.
To make sure I understood his lesson, he layed the kittens out for me to see (of course he didn't actually touch any of them - he flipped them around with his Navy bowie knife) - and then violently stabbed each one of them grossly to make sure I knew they were all dead. Damn! Just like the guy in the above story - my dad was fast and efficient with his knife! Made my stupid little girl head spin at how fast he could stab them.
Btw, I only remembered that joke of my dad's after I had a kitten of my own in my middle 40's - and she just "faded away." And I couldn't save her - just like all those little babies dead on my cute little table where I had tea parties. Lol, $20,000 later, I could go back to work and lead a "normal" life.
Such is the joy of a child's life, pets, and cute little animal killer stories. This is a shitty thread, of ill taste, long dead except for the people who pissed their pants and resurrected it. Thanks for the memories - still yet again.
Back to the pants pissers.
waiting
Edited by - waiting on 14 June 2002 19:56:28