I would like to know if it just requires an elder to send in something to update your records. I have been very stressed out lately....thinking about my 8 year old shunning me just about kills me. I DA'd myself quite a while ago (7yrs) and I wish I could have somehow faded. I see how all my siblings are treated different than me ONLY because they never got dunked. I was dunked at 14, which is way too young. I do not ever want to be a JW again....but I would like the title of being DA'd gone so my daughter never has to worry about shunning me. Can anyone tell me if this would be possible or are there any elders that anyone knows of that would help me by updating the society's records? Thanks to anyone who knows.
What is the re-instatement process?
by megsmomma 16 Replies latest jw friends
-
-
Dismembered
Greetings megsmomma
I too, would like the title of being da'd or d'fd removed. But those dopes will never under any circumstances remove your "Brand" as DA"d just be cause a number of years have passed
You'd painstakingly have to sit through 6 months or more inside the KH penalty box. You'd be ignored,and deemed as dead until the "elders" determined you've been punished long enough.
I'm sure others will expound.
Dismembered
-
megsmomma
Arggggggg! That would be some miserable suffering for sure! But....do you think it is a matter of just sending in a notice? Like if we could find a fading elder to help us? I would only like it changed on record since my ex is an Elder, and would check up on me I am sure...so he feels ok letting my daughter continue to visit me.
-
Dismembered
:Arggggggg! That would be some miserable suffering for sure! But....do you think it is a matter of just sending in a notice? Like if we could find a fading elder to help us? I would only like it changed on record since my ex is an Elder, and would check up on me I am sure...so he feels ok letting my daughter continue to visit me.
If you were to send them a notice that you're interested in changing your DA'd status. They'd want to set up a judicial committee 1st. to "pick your brain" so to speak, and determine where you stand. No one elder can arbitrarily change you record. It (your standing) has to go through the watchtower quagmire b/s. It will be no fun for you.
Dismembered
-
Emma
letting my daughter continue to visit me
Don't you have visitation rights with your daughter? This could be a court matter; if you have the right for her to visit, they can't take that away.
-
OnTheWayOut
It would be easier to make sure the 8 yr. old grows up knowing the truth about WTS and never gets baptized.
-
jrjr4189
I was dfed in 98 for "fornication". Since then I have gotten married and my mother was trying to get me reinstated. I should say that even though I was d'fed in 98 I randomly attended meetings throughout the last 8 years to basically keep my mother happy. My mother told the elders that I was married and they insisted upon meeting with me. They asked what my intentions were at the meetings and I said (as I was instructed by people on this board) that I wanted to have a relationship with Jehovah again. They then asked if there was anything else in my life that would keep me from becoming a jdub againa and i said no. They then said that they would expect a letter from me soon.
I have not written the letter yet because I am somewhat nervous about being reinstated. Mainly I don't want them interfering with my life. i just figured I'd let you know that it might not be as complicated as going to meetings for 6 months. Good luck.
-
megsmomma
Well, thanks for the insight. I guess I am grasping at straws here. There is NO WAY I would be able to endure months of that kind of torture...I cannot be fake for that long....maybe a day or two....but not months of it. Although I do feel like I would do it for my daughter, but then I would have the JW's know where I live and they would DF me again for sure. Man, hind-sight is 20/20.....
-
sir82
To be reinstated, you have to write a letter (it has to be in writing) to the elders in a congregation stating that you want to be re-instated. You can apply to any congregation you choose (I assume you'll pick a different congregation than the one you DA'ed from). But the elders are going to be looking for "works that befit repentence". In practical terms, what that means is...
1) your letter should be overflowing with emotion-laden words about how horrible you have felt since "leaving Jehovah", and how upset you are at "losing his favor", and now you are "praying constantly", and you feel that "Jehovah is hearing your prayers", and you want nothing else in the world more than to be part of his "clean organization again"...etc....but...
2) The elders won't even read your letter if they have not noticed you dutifully attending every (and I mean every) meeting for months, as Dismembered noted. It might take 6 months, it might take 8, it might take longer if you run into a really hard-nosed group of elders. You have to pull aside an elder at your first or 2nd meeting and explain that you would like to return, and from then on, they'll be watching for you at every meeting. But even then...
3) The elders in the congregation you are attending can't even really "re-instate" you. They have to write a letter to the congregation that received your DA letter with their "recommendation" that you be reinstated. The congregation that accepted your DA letter is the one that "officially" reinstates you, and they in turn write back to the congregation you are attending with their decision. But...
4) If your DA letter pissed off the elders in your original congregation, they may block the reinstatement. At the very least, they will give the elders a list of things that you mentioned in your letter, that they will ask you about. For example, if you wrote in your DA letter that "all elders are lying scumbags", the elders will ask you about "respecting Jehovah's appointed shepherds" or something like that - to see if your attitude has changed.
It can be done, but it's not easy - and if you are insincere about it, the elders will likely see thru it, unless you are a polished actor.
-
megsmomma
Just to answer.......My ex has full custody. When I left I was not in my right mind what-so-ever and I thought I was "good as dead" in Jehovah's eyes....and I didn't even think I should have custody. It is the biggest regret in my life. However, my ex does not try to stop the visits....whenever I can see her I do, and we talk on the phone all the time. The thing I worry about is that when she gets older she will realize that (as the elders manual says) shunning DA'd DF'd is neccesary to have a good relationship with Jehovah....and I don't want her to feel guilty for loving me or talking to me. I definitley want her to see what the WTBTS is....and make her decision about it based on the facts and I will encourage her to wait to get baptised till she is at least 18 (and I will show her what I have found at that time) But....it would be nice to just be her inactive mom....instead of her thinking I am on Satan side....blah blah