HI; congratulations on how far you've come. Treat yourself gently for a long time.
My journey so far, thoughts?
by WingCommander 19 Replies latest jw friends
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LovesDubs
Hugs WingC! I think you did yourself a tremendous service by just writing all that down and sharing it with us. Who else on the planet understands 100% of what you are going through but us? So we hope you continue to write and to vent and to dump and to cry whatever is in your heart honey. We've been there. You wont get a pat on the head and a dismissal from us. We've so been there. :)
Now that you see the light on the other side of the Kingdoom Hole doors you have opened yourself up to the opportunities that await you in the "world" that the JWs touted was so vile and evil and had convinced you would eat you if you went out there. What better way to keep a child in his bed than to scare him by saying there is a boogie man under his bed who will grab his foot and pull him under if he sets foot out? Its the same thing...the scary pictures the scary stories the scary FABLES they told us all to keep us from leaving. The vileness lies within the confines of the organization. The destruction of families, the depression, the suicides, the divorces, the ripping apart of innocent souls with guilt, the control, the lack of love....
You now have an opportunity to give to your little one and your wife all the things that you didnt get to experience and it is just as wonderful to see the glory of the holidays and life through their little eyes. If others want to give...let them give. If you want to give then let yourself give. And you will see that the ground doesnt open up under you and swallow you.
You are only here once, this isnt a dress rehearsal for some make believe paradise. Live your life honey. Pack it with as much as you can. God knows hearts...he knows that nothing you do is evil. Celebrations are part of life. I doubt that God looks down on a little child dressed as spiderman collecting tootsie rolls in a plastic pumpkin as evil.
Oh the things we do to each other huh? I think mom will come around too eventually.
As for Thanksgiving...the JWs I knew ALWAYS had turkey and a big meal and got together and PRAYED TO GOD on Thanksgiving...so what is the difference?? :)
As for those people going door to door, they are no different than the guys from the penetentiary with the day-glo vests on the side of the highway picking up garbage who have no freedom either. The only difference is the inmates are picking UP garbage and the JWs are SPREADING it. :)
Hugs, Loves
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AK - Jeff
WC - I could have written your post. As could have a hundred or a thousand others on this forum.
When one has been a part of cookie-cutter thinking, many of the stories seem alike, at least in general.
As far as the holidays go - the way I looked at it, was that the Watcthower got nothing else right, so why be bound to their thinking on this matter? We started right away to quietly celebrate the seasons and holidays. We don't do so out of spite, or even because we really think it is the 'right' thing to do. We just know that the organization is a corporate liar - so we have discarded any prohibitions that seem to have no Scriptural backing of any sort [ we remain Christian ].
We are doing all the holidays now - next week the g-kids are heading out to trick or treat. We avoid the extremes in most things, including holidays. Someday we may just elect that it is not for us, and quit doing it. But we are not letting old shackles tie us to the organization, adn it has been very helpful to just put our foot down and state ' we are doing what we want to do'. This we initiated before we were out 'officially'. In fact, officially only I have been DA'd, but Wifey will follow after her mom is out of the picture.
Continue to write your feelings - here, or in a diary or journal of some sort. That is great therapy. Write letters to those who you feel anger toward too, then throw them out. Once the feelings are dealt with, the healing goes faster. At least it did for me. [I recommend throwing out the letters - but in my case I sent many of them - it aided me in dealing with all of it. Generally a toned down version is what they saw.]
Good luck in your journey.
Jeff
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JWdaughter
THe most important people are your wife and son. You do what you need to for their happiness-your mom will understand that, probably. I hope all good things for you-now that you are out, you can actually ENJOY them! Take care!
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Quandry
Welcome. I want to thank you for your thoughts as you begin your "journey." I am on the same journey. Your feelings are shared by many here. I know I have not come to any major decisions about holidays, etc. either. I don't want to offend God. But I don't want to support the WTS anymore. That's why my name is Quandry.
Well, I can tell you this. I have been in this dilemma for almost two years now. Been in the pits of despair, but am coming out of it. I am beggining to think that I'd like to put some fun into disfunctional soon. With the holidays coming fast, I am not sure how that will come out, but I am thinking about it every day. I think I might get some of those little miniature winter scenes with buildings that are lighted up. Don't know if I can get all the way to a tree. Since your wife is not a JW, maybe she can go all out and you can just enjoy by observing.
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My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW
Continue to write your feelings - here, or in a diary or journal of some sort. That is great therapy. Write letters to those who you feel anger toward too, then throw them out. Once the feelings are dealt with, the healing goes faster.
Awesome advice! You write very well and nothing works quite like putting pen to paper for a lot of people.
I was raised as a Unitarian, so I understand why people would suggest that religion as an alternative for a JW. You will be in for a shocker. In many ways the Unitarian religion is a polar opposite to the WTS. You pretty much believe what you want, period! The only pressure is to be accepting of everyone and everything. The congregations within a city are usually differant and range from liberal to super liberal. It is a vanilla religion in the truest sense with the diverse people and personalities providing the toppings.
As far as holidays, I don't know who makes a bigger deal or distorts their meaning or importance more than JW's.
It's just a time to be with family and friends, share a meal and be together. Period.
Halloween its a time for little kids to dress up and get candy. How cool is that to a little kid? FREE CANDY does it get any better than that?
What you have the really awesome opportunity to do as the loving husband and father of a three year old is to start your own family traditions.
The holiday season is a great time to start.
Reality...........You rule the world Wing Commander, you have a wife and a three year old cherub!
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troubled mind
Thank you for sharing your story ...As others have said it could be my story too. The mind boggeling guilt over things other people never dream of worrying about . I don't seem to be able to put down in words my thoughts as clearly as you have done . My transformation has been taking place over this past year also . Mostly I just refuse to let the guilt take over . Life is too short and I want to be happy ...period . Being a JW for my 45 yrs. of life was not making me happy so I am the only one that can change that so I did . Now I am exploring and doing things that I want to w/o the guilt party going off in my head . My thoughts to you would be give your child a happy life !
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Borgia
The constant reminder in te back of your head and may be just the gut feeling that you may be on the wrong path here....wow...that takes a lot of energy and strength to cope with everyday.
Question: Is having a relationship with God important to you? Do you recognize that Jesus is the way? May be you say NOW: yes and may be later on NO. point is: Christian message is: if you believe the role of Jesus that is sufficient to be saved (grace) All else is pointless.
Another point of observation: God and Jesus are entities with eternity behind and in front of them. Your life has only been What? 30 odd years? You are negotiating on a total different scale here. So, please, take a moment to consider to beauty of the basic christian message: salvation by faith.
I myself have come to the point of having agnostic tendencies. That does not prevent me from seeing the beauty of certain ideas. On www.channelc.org, you will find several people on the road to reconcilliation of their faith, feelings and conscience. Some of those are good friends of the writer of the book you are now reading. You may find some additional support there.
For now, I wish you strength to face it boldly.
Cheers
Borgia
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Alpheta
Here I am again, a day late and a dollar short. Oh well. But for what it's worth, if you (or anyone else) reads this post, here's my advice: read "Your Erroneous Zones" - I believe it's by Dr. Dwayne Dwyer - I read it way back in the 70's and this book (along with a few others that aren't relevant here), changed my life. This book will SHOW you how people push the "guilt" buttons, etc. Reading it is like reading "Crisis of Conscience" by Ray Franz, once you've read it, you KNOW what's behind the curtain and you can train yourself to not do the Pavlov Dog response to the prior conditioning.
Hang in there, WingCommander. It WILL get better. Does your wife read here, by any chance? If not, perhaps this is something you could share with her - introduce us to her in a subtle kind of way, like leave a rose on her pillow with a little yellow stick-em tag attached with the url to this website (okay, not so subtle, I'm a direct kind of woman, myself!) Well, you told us she's not a JW or from a JW background, she might find some of the information here highly enlightening, and it could only help her to give you that much more support that you need during this difficult time.
I have a suggestion - it's corny and old as hell but hey, as they say, laughter is the bet medicine. If you want a laugh, I suggest you read my "Trip to the Dentist" thread - its here somewhere - damned if I know where, though! Posted within the last 30 days or so. This is not to make light of your present circumstances by any means, but I've often found that in my darkest hours, a good laugh just did wonders to helping my get out of a bad place.
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wanderlustguy
Don't just question one thing...question everything including WHY you think you need to be saved from something. Do you really beleive that we are anything other than what God intended us to be, his great wisdom and desire thwarted by someone he created who used a snake for a puppet?
Are we really the image of God, or is it our own need to feel like we are "special". Perhaps we are only part of the image of God.
Freedom is holiness...the kingdom of God lies within.
WLG