JW husband very sad

Rebirth

I have been out of jws for about three years, husband still goes and brings out two young girls. He has been really withdrawn lately, eating less, not interested in sex. I thought he was moping because I recently had a birthday party for our young daughter and because of Halloween activities. It finally confronted him tonight about it and he said that he is depressed and mourning the loss of his wife (me) to this world. He is saddened at the thought of not having me to live forever with (as he put it). I've tried to reassure him that I love him just as much as I ever have but it didn't seem to phase him. He is almost sarcastic about my new way of living. He says I'm selfish. I found out he has bringing the girls in the field ministry (he slipped up and mentioned it this evening) something I didn't want him doing with the girls. He says, "Tough." I've okay with everything he does with them and don't complain, that is the only activity that I am not comfortable with a 4 and 6 yr old engaging in. I am beside myself. I really am wondering how to proceed. I love my husband very much, but I will not go back to living that life. I am trying so hard to give my girls a normal life without all the restrictions placed on them, but I am sick of being "punished" everytime I do.

My husband has refused to see a doctor regarding the depression. What can I do? I just want him to accept me and my new life. I want to live a happy life together with our girls and a mutual respect for each others ways. Am I being selfish, should I resign myself to living in a stress filled relationship?

Sam87

I really hope everything works out for you, this must be a very hard time for you, i was just wondering have you talked to your husband much about the false teachings of the organisation? the blood, their relationship with the UN, the hiding of the child abusers?

Maybe if you can tell him about these things and prove them to him using the watchtower publications and the facts available on the internet (the UN have information about the relationship between them and the JWs on their website) he might also realise that it is false teachings not in accordance with the bible at all, maybe you can show him the real truth.

All the best

Sam87

Rebirth

Thanks Sam, He won't listen to a word I have to say about JWs. He believes I have it out for them and views me as a dangerous apostate. I wish he would listen to what I have to say, I doubt he would still be a JW if he did. Thanks for your post.

Spectre

Have your girls ask loaded questions when they are in the car group. "Why were the JW's in the UN?"

PopeOfEruke

You may have to compromise a bit and let the kids go out occassionally in field service. Kids are a lot smarter than we often give them credit for and can see through the bull.

But it's hard to put up with him if he sneaks around and does things behind your back with the kids. Maybe allow the kids out say once a month, and be cool with it, he may appreciate it and stop sneaking around. Best would be to keep him "honest" and keep all the JW activities out in the open.

Thats my 1.5 cents worth.....hope it works out! I think separating would be worse on the kids than an hour or so a month going door to door??

Pope

troubled mind

I was about to post something very similar to your problem . I started fading earlier this year in February . I told my husband I had done research on the blood issue and I feel they have lied to us . I told him I could no longer attend the meetings feeling as I do . I let him know if he wanted I would support his going , but don't expect me to believe in it anymore . His biggest concern was that I would leave him , after I convinced him this was not what I wanted he chose not return to meetings either . Lately he seems very distant not interested in sex , tired all the time . I know he is bothered by some decisions I have made (posting on here ,visiting a local church , handing out candy tonite to trick or treaters, associating with workmates) , but he never says anything , never has , just bottles it all inside . I want to enjoy life actually laugh and have fun . I can not go back to the JW life , I won't . I also don't want to lose him . I don't know what to tell you .....but I will be interested in the other posts. Maybe it will be something I can use to help my life . I guess just know your not alone .

JWdaughter

I know how you feel. My mom whenever I bring up anything about the organization goes to the ad hominem attacks. And being my mom, she has the ammo! Of course, none of it has to do with the subject of the WT, it is her way of avoiding the subject. He should not be taking your kids out in service. I think you need to find a way to end that. I don't know that having your girls labeled as apostates is quite the trick though!

My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

It must be very depressing for married male JW's whose wives leave the WTS to face up to the fact that they may actually have to work at their marriage. After all, the WTS did all the work to keep the wife in subjection to everyone and everything....him, the elders, the congregation. I guess the only way to deal with it now is to whine and moan and be sarcastic and try to lay a big guilt trip on the wife in the hopes that her good nature and habit of keeping the peace will make her throw all of her personal convictions out the window so she can do whats really important....which is to devote her life to making him happy. We all know that if a man can convince his loving mate to devote her whole live to make him happy, then he won't have to do diddly squat.

My husband has refused to see a doctor regarding the depression

Of course not. He's a manipulative whiney, sarcastic, mope. He doesn't need depression medicine, he needs a kick in the ass!

delilah

Hi and welcome, Rebirth. It's not easy being in a religiously divided marriage. Your husband does need to address his depression, but he also needs to realize that you are still his wife, and you love him just as much now, as you did before.

He also needs to respect you, and the choices you have made for yourself, in regards to the "truth". You can see the JW mentality coming out, unfortunately. It's ALL their way, or the highway. Like another poster said about her experience, maybe if he's convinced that you are not going anywhere, he'll relax a bit, and come round....one thing is for sure, you both need to sit down and talk this out.

We're here for you ....don't get too discouraged.

outoftheorg

This is a bit different than most. Usually it is the husband asking for help with his wife. Not always though.

What has been suggested many times, is to treat your mate with all the love and caring you can give. Let them "feel" your love for them in a very genuine way , Not just telling them that they are loved and loveable. But prove it with your actions.

Give them time to understand that you truly do love them and will not leave.

Go slowly with bringing up the faults and lies from the wbts. Analyze their personalities and in little ways leave a note off the internet or something that will catch their attention, without you saying anything .

But above all be kind and loving and caring, don't let the jw beliefs get too far between you and hubby move slowly.

Outoftheorg

JW husband very sad

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