Raising well rounded and balanced kids...what have you done right?

My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW

Parenting is one of the most difficult yet rewarding things there is. Doesn't every parent want their children to have a good moral compass, to have good manners, to be socially adept, to be compassionate, to reach their potential and even overachieve in terms of school and career, to appreciate and understand history, science, the arts and the world as a whole, to play team sports when they are younger so they can benefit from physical activity and the comraderie of a team sport, and above all to be a critical thinkers who are strong and independent so that they will not become easy prey to abusive organizations and/or abusive people?

As a parent I have many times felt like a real failure and at other times like I am actually helping them to reach their potential.

What do you feel that you have done right in raising well rounded and balanced kids?

Mulan

Talk with them, not at them, include them in your activities and conversations.

Don't try to change who they are. They are an individual and you can only control so much about them. At a certain point, you will have no more control, so accept what they've become.

Compliment them for their wise choices, their kindness, their grades, etc. Don't make a big issue of how they look.............it makes a self esteem problem, if you do that.

Most importantly: Love them unconditionally and tell them frequently how much you love them and how proud you are of them.

(I'm sure there are more things, but those are the things I did for my children..............most of it was just instinct, doing what comes naturally when you love someone and are not threatened by them)

serendipity

I made a lot of sacrifices in my career and my love, social life because I felt that being a mother was the most important role I would have in my life. I tried to take a holistic approach to parenting, making sure her physical, emotional, spiritual, social, intellectual needs were addressed. My daughter is nearly 18 now, and is turning out splendidly, if I may offer an objective assessment.

As a single parent, I had no choice but to work, but I did several things to maximize my time with my daughter. I got to work early, worked through lunch so I could leave by 4 or 4:30. (Neither of us are morning people, so the evening hours free gave us the best experience.) I refused to travel much (only once or twice a year) . When I was a contractor, I refused a 3 month engagement out of town because I didn't want to uproot her. Yes, I was 'laid off' for that. I stayed in positions that underutilized my skills, if the position allowed me to work an 8 hour day most of the time. I still managed to get several promotions and some good assignments.

I gave her as much loving attention as I could. I read a lot of parenting books and magazines, and tried to follow reasonable advice. (Since my parents were abusive, I ignored most of their parenting tactics.) I tried to be the authoritative parent, provided needed guidance and discipline, but I bent when necessary.

I challenged her to excel in school (which she has), because I felt that would give her confidence to say no to drugs, boys, dangerous situations. So far, so good.

I encouraged her to get involved in some school activities, which she has. She has more of a social life than I had as a teen.

I gave her responsibilities at home, and she is such a big help to me around the house. I tried to address some practical matters as well.

There are things that I intentionally didn't emphasize: slavish devotion to the WTS, excessive interest in personal appearance (hers or others), materialism

I just realized I could probably write a book on this, so I'll stop for now. She has turned out to be a happy, healthy, intelligent, responsible, level-headed young lady. I'm very proud of her.

sandy

Parenting is my greatest fear. I think I'd choose death over being a parent. LOL not really, well maybe a few years ago I would have. When I was younger I was afraid of having kids because I wasn't sure I could care for them physically. Now I want kids but I am terrified of this very subject. How in the hell do you raise well-rounded kids? We come across so many jerky people in our daily lives, and I often wonder . . . Why is this person the way he/she is? It sometimes scares me when I think would if my son or daughter turned out to be like that?

jgnat

What Mulan said. Giving them belief in themselves and their own choices is the best gift of all.

My father gave me the gift of integrity, which I passed on to my own children. When my toddler son took a candy from the store shelves, I made him take it back and apologize. Don't tell me he didn't know what he was doing, he tried to push the candy on the counter without a word.

Be brave as a parent, don't be worried what other people are thinking. Do the right thing always, and be the model of honesty and integrity for your children.

Gretchen956

The best thing I could have done is what many have said. We communicate. But I always celebrate his successes and tell him he deserves them. I always commiserate on his hardships and tell him I'll be there for him. And I let him make his own decisions and don't try to tell him what to do or treat him like a kid now that he's an adult.

Miles may separate us, but we are best friends.

You know I worried about this so much when my son was growing up. I saw how many kids actually grew up to hate their parents, in fact I was one, having been in a VERY abusive house of JWs myself. But though I made mistakes I always tried to learn from the mistakes I made, and that others made, and taught him to learn from his. In the end it all worked out.

Best advice, really listen to them and don't "react". Save your battles for things that really matter. Always be there for them without recrimation. Just support them and love them.

Sherry

lv4fer

My son is almost 22 and my daughter is 18. I think I did the best I could. They have turned out pretty well actually. My son has one more year of college and my daughter, well she is just starting on her journey. She will start school for a Massage Therapist next month. My daughter has been more of a challenge than my son. She is much more easily influenced than he. They both always tell me they love me all the time and know that I'm always there for them no matter what. I regret having raised them as JW for most of their life and feel that stifled them quite a bit, however I think they both know right from wrong and have good morals. We are all out now and they know how much it bothers me that I feel like I failed them having raised them in "THE LIE" they tell me its OK and that they know that I thought I was doing the right thing at the time.

parakeet

"As a parent I have many times felt like a real failure and at other times like I am actually helping them to reach their potential."

All good parents feel that way from time to time. It shows you care about your kids. Poor parents don't care if they're failures.

The only thing I can add to what's already been said is don't try to be your kids' best friend. Parents who want their kids to like them all the time are abandoning their responsibilities. If you're a good parent who sets boundaries and safeguards around their children, there will be times the kids will resent you for it. But good parents will say, "Too bad, kids," and hold their ground. Parents need to be parents, not their kids' best bud.

crazyblondeb

I remember the moment I looked around the Kingdom Hall, then at her. I knew I could never raise her like I was raised. And I never went or looked back!! That was the best decision I ever made!!

HadEnuf

I have two of the greatest kids in the world (just like every parent most likely thinks) and I'll be darned if I know how that happened!

mumsy

Raising well rounded and balanced kids...what have you done right?

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