Raising well rounded and balanced kids...what have you done right?

by My MILs worst nightmare, a nonJW 21 Replies latest jw friends

• 

  misguided

  As a single mom of 6, I took every parenting class I could get my hands on. I was raised in a strict JW family where corporal punishment was the norm. I had to learn to parent my kids.

  My 1st child is in UBC in her 2nd year taking her BSN (Bachelors of Science in Nursing). She also works at Save-On-Foods (for you fellow BC people) and rents my basement suite with some friends of hers. My 2nd daughter will be 18 in January and is in grade 12 and working at Zellers (for you fellow canucks out there) and is a honour student. My 3rd daughter works at Save-On-Foods also, 15, and an honour student. My son is 14, has been getting up EVERY morning for the past 6 years to deliver papers. He's also an honour student. My 5th (13 years old) and 6th (9 years old) are still works in progress.

  I think the best thing I did was be consistent and not be afraid to discipline. By discipline I mean setting consequences and letting them learn from their own mistakes. I've not been one to physically discipline my children. I think it's ineffective.

  My parenting "bibles" are Jane Nelson's book "Positive Parenting" and (I can't remember the author) "Raising Self Reliant Children in a Self Indulgent World."

  Getting them out of JW's was a beneficial move. In spite of leaving they are not immoral and not on drugs, as many in the hall predicted would happen to my kids if I left. My kids thank me for leaving. Have a sense of humor. Don't sweat the small stuff. Don't be afraid to say "no." People before things...Those are my recommendations.

  Rose
• 

  Sailor Ripley

  My kiddos are too young to say if I'm right or wrong, but I'm trying my best to do exactly what my mom and step-dad did... sans all the Jehobie Poop.

  Ripley Strategy to Rear Kids to be Happy Adults

  *Everybody works. No free ride, starting at a young age, e.g., cleaing rooms, garbage detail up to working after school and Saturdays. You will buy your own ride and pay for your own insurance.

  *Life ain't fair and it's never been fair, get over it. If you want something go and earn it. The only reason you get something is because you worked for it. If you got it for some other way it won't be worth having.

  *Sir and Ma'am to adults/elders. You'll give respect because you have respect for yourself.

  *No adulation. If you've gone above and beyond we'll tell you what an awesome job you've done; if you've done what you were supposed to do, okay. You don't get a pat on the back for just doing your job. Do better next time.

  *No, you're not perfect, you will make mistakes and I will let you make them. Hopefully you'll learn from them. If you don't then you'll make them again.

  *The rod will not be spared. You'll know exactly why you're being spanked. It will be swift and commensurate to your bad action

  *You will get self-esteem by earning it through hard, difficult challenges, not from a bunch of sissies telling you that "you're the best/you're great." That works for a while then you figure out that everyone is "great" which means that everyone is the same. You are not the same.

  I don't know if it'll work or not but it sure worked for me. I love my life and all that I've learned. Thanks, Mom and Ol' Man.
• 

  parakeet

  One last recommendation -- read good books aloud to and with your kids every day. Just a chapter a day from the classics -- Treasure Island, The Hobbit, The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe, Black Beauty, The Black Stallion, The Wind in the Willows, Little Women, The Lion's Paw, etc., etc. The list of Newberry Award winners in children's literature is huge, and you will find books there that will interest any kid at any age.
  
  Start reading a chapter each evening. Don't worry about whether you'll be able to maintain the habit. Once your kids get into the story, they won't let you forget! We started reading to our son before he turned one year old. Even though he didn't yet understand the words, he learned to love being held and to love the book associated with that feeling. When he learned to read, my husband and I would let him read a chapter to us once in a while too. He was 12 before he finally decided to give up reading with us, but he continued reading voraciously on his own and still does at 30 years old.
  
  This habit will create intense, loving bonds between you and your children. They will keep the memories of you and the wonderful stories you shared with them all their lives. And their literacy abilities will go through the roof, providing skills that will serve them well in school.
• 

  jaguarbass

  What do you feel that you have done right in raising well rounded and balanced kids?

  I went against everything the watertower society prescribed and so far, I have been successful. My son has made me proud.
• 

  morty

  so accept what they've become

  One of the hardest things to do but, if you can so it, your a wise parent.

  I have just figured that out after 18 years....
• 

  Brigid

  Everyone's path and parental philosophy is different but for me, I realized even as a witness that this beautiful child I'd been entrusted with was her own individual (now I have a beautiful son as well, but he will never know the shackles of JW-ism). I feel the same way about both of my children....they are individuals first with the gods given right to unfold in this universe as they should. It is my job to nurture, set healthy boundaries, keep them as safe and loved as possible and simply let them be who they are.

  Also, listening, truly listening to your children (or any human being) is the highest honor I think you can bestow. And you will learn a lot.
• 

  BrendaCloutier

  no kids... I have 4 cats instead. The are well balanced and well behaved family members.
• 

  restrangled

  I did several things I am proud of. When they were still in the womb I would sit in front of our stereo and play all the classical music we had. Once they were born, I would lay them in front of the speakers and do the same.....It calmed them and their eyes would open wide as they listend. The second thing I did was not feed them babyfood but grind up what we had for dinner, meat potatoes and fresh veggies with water and feed them. (One is 6' 2 and the other 6' 5)...cant help but think it was their early nutrition..(also both were breast fed for over a year)

  Both boys have exceptional singing voices, one being a member of the Orlando boys choir and performing in Japan. The younger was too shy to join but his singing voice is just as beautiful.

  They both have an appreciatian for classical music.

  The other thing I did was read, read, read to them. We had an extensive library. They both were able to read before they attended kindergarten.

  I did plenty wrong, and hopefully got most things right. I also have a wonderful husband who has contributed more to their upbringing than I could ever have hoped for. Without him I would have been lost.

  They are our precious boys, still at home, going to college.

  PS: Wife of MIL's worst nightmare.

  r.
• 

  Anony-Mouse

  Now here's me thinking ahead...
  
  I'm hoping for a daughter (don't ask why, because I don't know.)
  
  What I want to know is, How do I keep her away from boys!?
  
  I just so happen to know EXACTLY what boys want, seeing as how I am one. I'm just lucky I'm 16, and have present day experience I guess.
  
  So ironic.
• 

  serendipity

  lol@anonymouse

  At first I thought you were gonna chime in and tell us what your parents did right.