JW restrictions on sex, lead to over hype that made sex disappointing.

by free2beme 65 Replies latest jw friends

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  free2beme

  I remember being a teenager and my hormones were on overdrive. The young Witnesses I knew, male and female, were all feeling the same thing. We would bring up sex, in one form or another, all the time. All the while, knowing that we were suppose to wait until we were married before we had sex. This explained, why many of the people I grew up with, as Witnesses, either took two directions in life. One, they got disfellowshiped for having sex with someone out of wedlock or two, they got married at a age that is not considered very common, among the rest of the world (generally, 16-19 years old).

  With this in mind, as a young person, and the hype related to sex. You would think that the first sexual experience of these people would have been wonderful, sky rockets in flight an afternoon delight! Yet among the people I knew, it was not like that. Of the many many people I knew who got married for sexual reasons, even if they said it was something else, there were often larger signs of disappointment. It was like they placed sex on such a pedestal, because they could not have it without marriage, that there was no way for it to be what they had hyped it up to be.

  A young man I knew well at the time, mentioned after his honeymoon, that he could take it or leave it. Later he explained, that his bride was so hung up in guilt over the act, that it was often an awkward and less then exciting experience. They must have gotten over it, as they went on to have three children and then divorced a few years later. Which is the thing I saw often as a Witness, married for the hype of sex, divorced for the reality of marriage. Which, from reading boards like this and other accounts, I see it is a common thread among our past as Witnesses and growing up among a world that said sex was wrong, when are hormones were yelling to us that it was all so right.

  So with this in mind. What I was wondering, if you were raised around the Witnesses and experienced the type of situation I described, was this what you saw too. Better yet, if you were one of these people who were married so young. Was that first sexual experience a lot less satisfying then you expected? I can not help but think, that anything in life, that you place so high up in importance, will not have a chance when reality meets up with it. Yet I wonder, did it for some?
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  LovesDubs

  I was 30 years old when I came into the dubs. When I started to "date" a brother I had to have his sister come with us on dates to "chaparone" us. (Mind you Id been married and divorced twice in my life and he was not a virgin prior to becoming a Dub himself) The constant supervision drove me NUTS. He and I were cleaning up after a party at the house I lived in and I took the garbage out and noticed there was a car parked in front of the house still. I walked over to it and two brothers got out who had been at the party. "I said why are you still here?" They said "We decided it was improper for the two of you to be alone in that house together so we are waiting for X to leave." I was furious! But....I didnt say anything because I knew the "rules". I went inside and told my then fiance that his parole officers were waiting for him outside and to please go because I didnt appreciate being WATCHED like a child.

  Yeah they do make a big friggin deal about it. And they always seem to punish the innocent ones and let the letches and the perverts and the fornicators get away with it.
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  DaCheech

  I just masterbated alot....

  waited to find the right one, and since I waited until my late 20's I found someone that enjoys sex on the right level.

  last night we did it 3 times, and she must of "O'd" about 6.

  :-")
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  katiekitten

  last night we did it 3 times, and she must of "O'd" about 6.

  And youre not showing off or anything are you? Ive heard teenagers talk like that!

  I was in the second camp, married way too young and sex was both a huge disappointment and riddled with guilt. I totally blame the religion for that. The hype was ridiculous. I remember thinking 'ive been told all my life that its wrong and I mustnt do it or think about it or talk about it, and now after a short ceremony its suddenly OK, and I have to get rid of a lifetime of conditioning
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  DaCheech

  As soon as the kids falls asleep, we will do the good deed again.

  If you don't believe me, I will let her testify for me
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  DaCheech

  I'm not a teenager, and by the way I don't believe anymore the "JW" way of courting. most people I see in my cong. court for 6 months to marry ASAP.

  During sex, I take care of my wife's needs first
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  free2beme

  after a short ceremony its suddenly OK

  I always thought this was a weird line too. Someone says a prayer, gives a talk and now we can have sex? I just think that the whole restrictive nature of the Witnesses with sex, leads to an amazing amount of hype that could never be fulfilled.
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  DaCheech

  Actually there is a little technicality that most people do not realize..

  If you're a Witness you technically can sex the minute you're engaged. Since you have made a promise that should not be broken
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  RAZORMIND55

  Well do I remember that sh@t.

  In almost 23 years of Dub-ism, I remember only about 2 couples who didn't marry straight out of high school. The majority are DF'd or DA'd for "fornicatin' ", or a massive wave of congregational nuptials would occur, as all the congregation "youths" decided as one to start hitching up. Just one wedding after another. It happened with my aunt and her friends in the 70's, and just happened with my younger sister and her friends a couple of years ago.

  I had to endure a scene with the "chaperone" too. Talk about awkward and embarassing. I was about 18, then. We cut the date short because I just couldn't deal; it was too weird. Some old dude in a SUIT AND TIE, and we weren't even going to a formal event. My dad tried to get a chaperone for my prom too (my JW bf's brother) but we ditched that as soon as we left. If I am grateful for anything during those years, it is that I never married a JW.

  I wasn't exactly attractive as a teen, so I didn't have a lot of male attention nor sex anyway. I was a late bloomer.

  I more than made up for it after I turned 23, though
• 

  RAZORMIND55

  If you're a Witness you technically can sex the minute you're engaged. Since you have made a promise that should not be broken

  This was most certainly NOT the case in my old cong. I know many (MANY!)who were DF'd for sexing while engaged and before getting hitched.

  Although there were more than a fair share of man-whores who basically got DF'd and reinstated many times for banging anything in a skirt. These were usually either 18-21 y ear-olds or widowed/divorced men in their 40's-50s.

  .