JW restrictions on sex, lead to over hype that made sex disappointing. (page 3)

Kudra

Sorry if this is a weird and naive question...

But to Highlander and others: What exactly constitutes "bad sex"? I (and I hope I am not jinxing myself!) couldn't consider ANY sex that I've had as bad. It's always great to: a) even be HAVING sex; b) get to be naked with someone I am attracted to; c) do things to and have stuff done to me that is really fun and exciting... (hope that's not too much information...). Then again I really love having sex and I hope that never changes :) Perhaps having bad sex is just having sex with someone who does not like having sex with you...?

Anyway, for those having "bad sex" what exactly about it makes it BAD?

-K

restrangled

Well, there are those that feel the need to brag before and afterwards like they are some kind of superhuman stud......(I believe someone on here has posted on this thread and has this claim to fame)....when people do this, there is usually some huge problem. Second, if you are not fully in love with a person and do not have total trust it doesn't mean much and it all winds up feeling pretty cheap and shallow.

What does count is deep love for the person you are with, total trust and a history together. Things will never be perfect every time, but the trust and true love for the person makes it wonderful every time.

I have a wonderful husband that is perfect in every way for me.

r.

free2beme

I would define bad sex, as something that does not meet your expectations. I think that we all expect certain things from sex, not just the mind blowing orgasm or anything. Maybe we want to feel the human touch or feel the emotional connection. What if someone just jump into the sex, finished in a few seconds and rolled over and fell to sleep ... sound bad to me. What if the person was so embarrassed about sex, due to guilt or other emotional issues, that they would not have sex in the day time or light ... and never hardly showed any sign of enjoying it? These are all experiences I have personally heard about, when defining bad sex.

I have been married for nearly 14 years. I feel that me and my spouse communicate our sexual needs and fulfill them. Not saying every single time is great, but never bad. Sometimes, we will even admit to ourselves that we were not as in to it that time, as others, and you can tell. So in summary, there can be bad sex. Hope you never find it, but when you do, don't think it is common.

Seeker4

restrangled wrote: "Second, if you are not fully in love with a person and do not have total trust it doesn't mean much and it all winds up feeling pretty cheap and shallow."

I think this is kind of a myth, one that Christianity in particular wants us all to believe. Not to say that being fully in love and totally trusting someone doesn't add to the sex, but I do think it's a myth that you can't have great sex unless that is there. Sex is a combination of physical, intellectual and emotional factors. For some folks, any sex outside of marriage is "cheap and shallow" because that's what we've been taught via relgion in our culture.

In real life, outside of the sexual hangups that come with religion, there can be lousy sex with someone you love and wild, wonderful, exciting sex with someone whom you've just met. Biology, not romance, is likely the most dominant part of the sexual drive. I'm not dissing romance, it's great, but just trying to step back from the religious/romantic cultural window that we've come to see sex through.

S4

free2beme

I know of people who said their sexual experience with a prostitute was the most amazing of their life. They felt nothing for the woman, but loved the sex. I also know several people I work with, who freely admit that their post divorce sex with people they do not care about, means more and feels better then any of the sex they had while married and they loved the person they were married too, for part of their marriage. Sex is physical and physiological. Depending on your mood, the things that turn you on and your needs at the time. Sex can be many different things to different people, and not the loving romantic things of two people having a loving bound the way were were told it would be.

XU

Sex. My obsession. When I was a kid it was all they ever talked about! It was all I ever thought about. I was like 10! It's so ridiculous. I also agree you can have way awesome sex with someone you met 6 hours earlier, and likewise, you can love someone in a relationship and have to go to sleep pissed off because something just wasn't right. But I think physical and emotional skills combined makes for the type of marriage/ life time partnership we are all super lucky to find, and should make every effort to keep. I was really disappointed when I got out of the cult and found out that not everyone was waiting to have sex with me. I mean, it's not too hard to get laid if you're a girl, but worldly people had more interests than fornication! I eventually toned it down a little, but getting married - I had to find someone who likes to do it as often as me. I got DF's in HS for F, but seeing all the older girls getting married, it was horrible. They all put on 30 pounds and the couple showed up glassy eyed and miserable. They were like, "These church f-ers tricked us! Marriage to some dipsh-t that I barely got to know and who doesn't know themselves is the worst idea ever." There are lucky ones, but I never saw them in the KH.

Highlander

But to Highlander and others: What exactly constitutes "bad sex"?

With my casual sexual encounters with non-jdubs there was a common theme. We were both there to have sex and enjoy and fulfill eachother's needs. Even if it was a one night

stand, we were still both after the sexual fulfillment. There's no guilt, no shame, and rarely any inhibitions.

With my wife it's completely different. On her part there is a lot of selfishness. I do everything and anything she wants me to do(and visibly enjoy it in the process), but getting her to

reciprocate is like pulling teeth sometimes(And when she does, it's obvious she's not enjoying herself.) Things like that do not go unnoticed by myself and it takes away almost all

enjoyment of sex. I knew from the day we married that the sex would be horrible. On our wedding day, I was undressing her so that we could go in the jacuzzi together. She just stood

there like a tree. No enthusiasm. I had to coach her into taking my clothes off. She was like a dead fish in the sack,,,

I suspect that her marriage to me is based on financial support and companionships(as many, if not a majority of marriages are based on)

My no strings, sexual encounters of the past were based on sexual fulfillment and having a good time.

My marriage may merely be a financial fulfillment for her. And that my friend, makes for a lot of bad sex.

restrangled

To Seeker 4:

In real life, outside of the sexual hangups that come with religion, there can be lousy sex with someone you love and wild, wonderful, exciting sex with someone whom you've just met. Biology, not romance, is likely the most dominant part of the sexual drive. I'm not dissing romance, it's great, but just trying to step back from the religious/romantic cultural window that we've come to see sex through.

This statement is very typical of a guy out for a good time. What you missed in my original post was the word trust. Trust is an important element to women. If I trust the person that I am with then I can be totally uninhibited and experimental and fully enjoy the experience. For me love and romance and trust are intertwined. Trust doesn't just happen with someone you have just met, and I wouldn't do anything and everything with someone that I just met. Lasting, quality, sex for me requires love and trust. Attitudes like yours are the exact reason I wouldn't trust or have sex with anyone I just met. Thankfully, I only needed to make that mistake once!

Highlander

This statement is very typical of a guy out for a good time. What you missed in my original post was the word trust. Trust is an important element to women. If I trust the person that I am with then I can be totally uninhibited and experimental and fully enjoy the experience. For me love and romance and trust are intertwined. Trust doesn't just happen with someone you have just met, and I wouldn't do anything and everything with someone that I just met. Lasting, quality, sex for me requires love and trust. Attitudes like yours are the exact reason I wouldn't trust or have sex with anyone I just met. Thankfully, I only needed to make that mistake once!

Where does he come off having an attitude? You sound awfully bitter with a bit of attitude yourself. He acknowledged both sides of the 'story' along

with the logical idea that biology or chemistry are mostly important for good sex. You don't have to agree, but at least cut away YOUR attitude.

restrangled

Highlander:

So dear, maybe you are the problem, .....your wife may not trust you! Maybe that is why she is a "dead fish in the sack". Maybe to her you are "dead meat" too.

r.

JW restrictions on sex, lead to over hype that made sex disappointing.

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