by lola28 21 Replies latest jw friends
"The truth hurts"
I know we have heard that saying over and over.
Being true to yourself and others does hurt. IF being honest and truthful means you are dead to others that is added proof that you were in a "cult".
I have had to remind myself of this for over 2 weeks now.
I send you many hugs... and remind you: you are valued and loved
Codeblue
thank you guys, I just called two of the people that I was really closed too and told them what I had done, I can't take it back now, nor do I want to but it still hurts mostly b/c i know that they are around and that even tho i might want to I will never be able to pick up the phone and call them up, to them I'd be better of dead, I guess that's the part that gets me the most.
Lola
You love them but you dont want to talk them at the market and tell them how your doing?
I have to ask do you know what love is?
You like somebody but you dont want to talk to them?
You love them but you dont want to talk them at the market and tell them how your doing?
I have to ask do you know what love is?
You like somebody but you dont want to talk to them?
Excuse me?????
Do you have any idea how hard is to lie to people that you love? Do you have any idea how dirty I feel after I talk to any of them, because I know damn well that I'm a liar. Do you think it's fun to know that you have to be very careful about what you say because the wrong words said to the wrong person can bring on a JC? I'm just tired.I only kept the whole act up because I didn't want to hurt anyone.
Lola
lola..yeah don't mind jaguar...to understand someone is to have been in their shoes ... forgive em for they do not know what they post
wac
Lola, it hurts, there is nothing you can do to avoid it. Even though it is their choice to obey the brainwashed rules of shunning.. when you first make these choices, it feels like you are doing it to yourself, because you know your letter, your phone calls are going to bring this on you and lose the people you love.
But once we know it isn't the truth, it is too hard to not step out of the box..
If you need to talk ever, I gave you my phone number before.. and I can give it to you again.
We should get together.. do some things.. fill your life with things that are not with the dubs.. it will help
You did what you had to do, for yourself!!! But now you have to grieve!! There are several different stages of grieving!! But, unfortunately, you do have to go thru them in order to heal!!
We are all here, for you, and with you, every step of the way!! I gave u my number, too, right??
Now, come here and let me thump you in the head HUG you!! 
shelley
lola..yeah don't mind jaguar...to understand someone is to have been in their shoes ... forgive em for they do not know what they post
Sorry, I guess I havent been in your shoes. I was a Witness for 33 years, but I must admit I didnt love them or the organization, or I would still be there. Any body who would turn you in over what you say, is not your friend, they are aquaintences. and dangerous ones, I might add. That was the first lesson I learned 33 years ago in my recovery. The second thing is, If a person has 1 or 2 friends in a life time they are doing good.
You mean they can DF you without DAing you ? or is it the old, you DF'd yourself, insane BS ? If they don't make a formal announcement then how can they shun you? I suggest you take up smoking for a day then see how fast they give you the boot . LOL God that religion is nuts .IMO women can't be fellowshipped to begin with so how can you DF them ? They have no authority anywhere in the church. The only priveledge they can take away is talking to your friends or going around preaching when you aren't supposed to anyway.
If it causes you a lot of pain, then why do it? Each one to their own, and everyone has their own reasons for d'aing, but shunning is a horrible thing, so why bring it upon yourself? I think being a JW for a long time you get conditioned to see everything in extremes, as a black-and-white world, and that this can carry over into a compulsive urge to disassociate. To me, it gives a better anti-witness to just be free, go away naturally and live yor own life without having to take any extreme action, such as disassociating is. It's like when a close friend does something stupid to upset you...it's human nature to react strongly back when we are especially hurt by the things we love and sought solace from....we lash out the strongest against the things we love the most. But is that healthy? Isn't it a sign of a more advanced ethic to refuse to respond at the same level that we have been treated badly. That's just my way of seeing it. I uppose it can bring some kind of closure, but overall I can't see what really is achieved by it. I think it would be just as much pain to run into a JW who treats you like a leper knowing that you 'turned your back on Jehovah' by d'aing, than running into a JW that simply thinks you are weak or inactive and is still prepared to talk to you. I would only ever consider d'aing if I was moving to a new region or country and had no family or friends I still liked in the organisation. At least that way you may be able to plant some seed of doubt in their mind that makes them start to wonder more about something they may have already. If they ask questions like 'havn't see you at the meetings lately' then all you need to say back is that you have some issues and are taking a break or something wishy washy and evasive like that. That's all you need to do. But I'm sure you have your reasons and I respect them.
