Lola said: I decided to do this but it still hurts so much, it's almost like you are dying, isn't it?
Yes it is Lola and there are many on here who have gone what you've gone through. It's horrifying when you realize that your whole life was based on a lie. I was in shock and didn't know what the hell to do? Leave? Confess to the elders I'd read an apostate book and now Satan had control of my mind? I tried ignoring it for a while, but eventually you have to leave, no matter who's left behind. The problem is: you're leaving behind so many people that you loved and that can be extremely difficult. I miss many of my Witness friends, but I realize now that their friendship was conditional. And that's something I cannot subscribe to.
You may want to see a counsellor who helps people who leave cults. I've considered it myself. This religion can screw you up like no other religion can, and it can be devastating when you leave.