What should I do?

lmspink

I have been disfellowshipped for 8 years now. Since then my family wanted nothing to do with me. Now that I have a child (a 6 mth old baby boy) my parents want to know about me again. Part of me hates them for the way they treated me & part of me wants them back in my life. I told them that they would only see their grandchild if me and my Husband are welcome at their house as a family & they agreed. I want to do what is best for my child & i'm not sure weather he is better off with them in his life or not. Should I expose my child to his Grandparents that I'm sure will love him but are brainwashed & treated me as they did?

blondie

I'm am wondering why your parents are willing to go against WT policy and associate with you now when they weren't willing to do so before. Do they perhaps think that they can save your child by indoctrinating them with WT teachings behind your back? I would never leave my child alone with them if you do decide to associate with your parents. I am suspicious of their motives. I know that isn't very "nice" but this doesn't sound good. Watch what they say and do. If they are loving and kind to you in sincerity or treat you coldly.........

Blondie

JWdaughter

What they are doing now is what a natural grandparent/parent would do. Their heart has over-ruled their religion(at least briefly). I think you gently need to lay down ground rules-its all of you, never just the baby, no kingdom speak, and if they are offered a gift by the child(for any reason), they will graciously accept it. You will nicely explain to child why they do not give gifts at holidays, but you will not restrain her in any way from her natural exuberance or happiness about Santa, her birthday or anything else, and they will not reprimand her or correct her, or use it as an indoctrination moment. Their actions have proven that they will follow the rules, and that they are breaking them now is likely temporary. Don't let them start unless they promise to behave. Normally I wouldn't put rules on GPs like that, but JW GPs who reject YOU for years aren't THAT normal. You have to deal with the folks you got. Your rules may be different, but you need to know how much of the crap you are willing to put up with, and they need to know what you WON'T put up with, IMO. Good luck, congratulations on your little one.

Shelly

nicolaou

Have they apologised for the way they treated you for eight years? Have you been given an assurance that they won't start shunning you again? I'd suggest getting a babysitter for the evening while you and your husband visit your parents alone. Get them talking and get a clear understanding of just what is going on.

If you're not made welcome unless you bring your child . . . . . .

penny2

Suggest you and your husband start visiting by yourselves and find out what's on their mind. They may only be wanting to get close to their grandchild for the purpose of "witnessing" when he is a bit older. On the other hand, they may have changed.

By taking your husband, it will be more difficult for them to revert to jw-speak designed to make you feel confused (or guilty).

Hope it goes well!!

penny2

jwfacts

This is a common situation, many grandparents find it very hard not to be involved with their grandchildren.

This gives you a great postion of power. Before they were shunning you, now you have the choice to shun them. I would recommend that you allow them to see your children, but only when you are there too. I would also be very firm with them that there is to be no discussion of religion with your child. If you have done research as to why it is a cult you have the opportunity to slip in the odd morsels of information to show them why you no longer believe.

Clam

This is a common situation, many grandparents find it very hard not to be involved with their grandchildren.

True enough. This is a very subjective situation but in my opinion I think you should build bridges with your parents. Maybe it will work out and maybe it won't. It will show them how mature you are and that you make your own decisions. You have freedom after all, they don't.

They have probably been beating themselves up wondering what to do, whether to get their family back or stick to the evil cult's shunning rules. Like the others have said keep an eye on your child, but I hope it goes well, and always come here for support and to sound off.

Clam

Black Sheep

Hi Imspink, welome to the forum.

Why would any parent want to let their child associate with someone who would want the child, eventually, to turn on its parents and shun them?

Cheers

Chris

jgnat

I told them that they would only see their grandchild if me and my Husband are welcome at their house as a family & they agreed.

Very good sign, very, very good sign. I like the idea of visiting them alone without the grandchild at first. See for yourself if their love is still divided. It could be that their natural desire to be grandparents has overridden their WT training. With hope.

Part of me hates them for the way they treated me & part of me wants them back in my life.

Gee, that's natural for a child who has been cruelly shunned for eight years. You deserve an apology. Find out if they have matured enough to give it.

delilah

Welcome to the forum!! Hopefully, your parents have decided that family is MORE IMPORTANT than the WT!! Lots of good advice here, I'd definitely be careful, and not leave your baby alone with them, until you are certain they will not try to "brainwash" with their beliefs. In the meantime, I wish you well.

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