I think what is most difficult is how unnecessary many of the choices and decisions and lifestyle we were living.
Maybe I expected too much.........didnt give it enough, or I am just not suitable to be one of God's people.
I really think the witnesses are so judgemental and cranky.....backbiting and mean sometimes......because they really DONOT believe in GOD. That they really do not leave things up to Jehovah. And the things they should be concerned about.....no matter what your beliefs in god are (child molestation) they sweep under the rug.
I am tired today. I did not sleep well. I am too damaged to even think about a religion.
I can't and won't blame all my problems on the JW religion. But I do feel as though I take responsibility for what I decided to do......have to look at my errors and move on.
I just harbor bad feelings for the counsel handed down to us from the Governing Body or whoever it is/was that denied us the full right to education. For putting it in my mind when my children were very little that the need for education was not that important. And I raised them that way.......and did not do anything like that for myself.
I did not let them play sports(4 boys too) I let my daughter join a swim team and felt like it was a awful worldly thing to do. I let her join Girl Scouts and fretted over it and I was even DF at the time.
Not that it really would have made any difference........but looking back at my marriage, My husband had a drinking problem, an addiction...still does.....but when I was learning the truth I was so focused on him accepting it........him not accepting it became the problem. When really, possibly if he had gone to something like AA, that may have given him and my family the help that they needed.
I wasted so much of my life living in fear it was unbelievable.
I have read so many posts of people feeling damaged........and I would think alot, I dont think I am that bad........I was really in denial, fooling myself. I am only just now coming out of denial, and its a full two years of no meetings.
blah blah blah..........I am really thinking outloud
purps
