Marage in trouble,

by Heavy Hearted 31 Replies latest social relationships

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  Heavy Hearted

  Hi have a problem and am in need of help.

  Long story short my wife was one when we met, then she quit to be with me, now she has recently started to witnessing again. and our marage has suffered extreamly because of it. given I was rased catholic, and don't agree with her thoughts. but my main concern is not with our marage it is with our 2 year old doughter. I am not sure how long our marage will last but I haave been sticking it out for the last year for our doughter. but I am starting to get to the end of my wits. any encouraging words?

  Thanks,
• 

  garybuss

  You only have 20 years to go. Go buy more glue.
• 

  OnTheWayOut

  Welcome Heavy Hearted.

  You are the head of your household. Your wife will be trained to obey you,
  but to go around you to indoctrinate the child into the cult.
  You will have to establish how much you will tolerate your daughter being
  dragged to the meetings. While she is young, perhaps you can try the
  "Let her decide each time if she wants to go, or stay home with Daddy."
  Tell Mom that if she goes to the meeting, she should not bring toys or coloring
  books. Mom won't be so sure how to counter that, daughter won't like going without.
  If the daughter does go to meetings, regularly, you go once with them, and then
  tell Mom how the daughter just plays or sleeps during meetings. Maybe she should
  stay home if she's not paying attention to the meeting. Mom will be forced to make
  her pay attention, then daughter can opt out of the meetings and stay with Dad.

  I would refuse to let Mom take her into that field service, but if you
  aren't babysitting, she will do it anyway. Make sure you ask what they did
  today, keep asking if that is all they did, ask your daughter about it, too.

  Allow her to spend time with your family at holidays. She will like holidays
  and not want to give them up.
• 

  dawgfan

  I understand your situation about the marriage. My wife is a JW while I am not and our marriage is also falling apart. We don't have any children so I can't give you any relevant advice on that issue. But If you've truely given up on your marriage, then what are your feelings about the daughter being raised in a single parent JW household without you being there to provide a balance to the child?
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  jgnat

  How much more work do you want to put in to the wife? With a plan, you might be able to wean her away from the cult in a few years. But you have to be prepared to give a lot in to the marriage to replace what she is losing (friends, purpose, meaning).

  If you do divorce, do you want to get in to a custody battle for your two year old? It will at best be a joint custody arrangement and you are going to have to deal with the wife and the weirdness anyways. As soon as a child is in the picture, a divorce does not simplify things.
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  Heavy Hearted

  I am hoping that I do not have to end the marage, my doughter does not attend any meetings or service work, with the exception that she is at home during her "bible studies". I have been to meetings with her, I have studied with her, I don't buy into as a thinking person, I have been asked not to attend "bible stuies" by her JW friends, for the reason that I ask to many questions, and instigate to many debates (not arguments). I refuse to let this change in her life destroy my doughters.
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  OnTheWayOut

  Sounds great that the daughter is not going to meetings.
  That will change unless you are ready to combat this.
  Stick around the JWD or check back with questions as
  the situation develops. Get advice on keeping the
  daughter out of the cult.
  Sounds like you still have a chance with the wife, too.
  (As far as JW stuff is concerned, don't know about the rest.)

  Ask the wife what kind of people exclude you from the
  learning process because you ask too many questions.
  Ask what they are afraid of. They will give you a trivial answer
  about derailing the focus of the study, causing it to jump
  from subject to subject. Tell them you will stick to questions
  about the exact lesson she is covering.
  If she says you should have a study of your own with the
  brothers, say "only if the wife sits in on it." They won't like the
  rule, but it will put them in a corner. They want to study
  with you, but don't want the wife hearing your sensible
  questions. All this could be done in a pleasant positive tone.
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  dawgfan

  If she grew up as a JW or has family that are JWs, then in order to keep the marriage intact and if you love her and want to get her out, you might have to exercise patience (bite your tongue sometimes when you really don’t want to) and take the approach to plant small seeds of doubt here and there (without offending her, family, or the WTS). If its all she ever knew, then you can’t take just assume that you can refute everything all at once and she’ll take it all in. Also, assuming that her family is JW, how did they treat her while she was out. And always consider her feelings about how they would treat her if she ever did leave for good.
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  Heavy Hearted

  no one in her family is a JW, and are losing patience with her as well, asfar as preaching to them. we have had discutions on the lies they teach and the scandals around them, we don't get into bitter fights or anything, I just get frustrated listening to her "coined" responses, and eventualy give up for a while.
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  PaulJ

  oh dear, you shouldnt ask questions!!!! wrong thing to do, just believe thats the only way.... sorry things are so tough on you at the mo, but as has already been said if you want to make things work you may have to stick around here and learn a bit to help you chip away at her beliefs.

  welcome to the site tho!!!