Marage in trouble,

by Heavy Hearted 31 Replies latest social relationships

  • carla
    carla

    Under no circumstance allow your child anywhere near a hall. When the child is older gradually inform her about the org. Research, research and research some more! Know your own beliefs, if you are a Christian it may be time to haul your bible out again. Here are some starting points for you about jw's---

    http://www.waltermartin.org/cults.html (Dr. Walter Martin on cults) also google Margaret Singer & Robert Lifton and get Steve Hasaan's books if possible)

    http://www.freeminds.org/ (an excelllent starting point to learn about the jw's)

    http://www.silentlambs.org/ (about the pedophile problem rampant in jw's)

    http://ajwrb.org/index.shtml (all about the blood issue. You know they claim not to accept blood right?)

    http://www.jwfiles.com/index.htm (more research)

    http://www.reexamine.org/quotes/index.htm (more research with scans)

    http://www.premier1.net/~raines/mental.html (jw's and mental problems)

    http://jehovah.to/glos/index.html (glossary of jw buzz words)

    http://jehovah.to/glos/index.html (research and blogs including Alan F and others)

  • jgnat
    jgnat

    Are you ready to put in a few years' worth of effort? I can help if I know more about your wife, her natural personality rather than the put-upon JW one. Answer these questions for me and we can work on a strategy together.

    1. What are her hobbies and interests outside of the Witnesses?

    2. As Listener asked, was there any major change or event in her life just before she started studying again? Was it the birth of her daughter? Did she suffer post-partum depression?

    3. You mention that no-one else in the family were Witnesses. Does that mean she was a convert? Considering your ages, was that when she was a teenager? Why did she join in the first place? What was the big attraction?

    It might take you a while to gather this information. That's OK. Weaning someone away from the society takes a lot of effort and time. I want you to get used to the idea that you are not going to find a magic question that will put everything back the way it used to be.

  • Sunspot
    Sunspot
    I find it interesting that your wife's jw friends have requested that you don't attend bible studies because you ask too many questions. Maybe you could talk to your wife about this, as jws generally encourage non believers to ask questions. Perhaps they are afraid that your questioning and, I suspect, their inability to answer you, might undermine your wife's progress, and expose to her the faults in her religion.

    Hello and welcome to JWD. You could not have found a better place to come for help on this!

    I picked out this quote because it spoke volumes in that the reaction by JWs to seem to be "running away from questions" during a bible study.....sure has ME wondering too! This is the best TIME to ask questions (BEFORE this goes very far)......to be SURE, because those SAME JWs will not tell you (or her) that you cannot ask questions once you agree to baptism. If they so so uncomforatble with the things you are bringing up----you must be hitting on some very good subjects!

    I raised six little ones in this hideous religion and they missed out on YEARS of birthdays, holidays, after-school activities, scouts, Proms and so forth. None of these events or milestones can EVER be replaced or brought back. Your sweet little girl is just old enough now to be beginning to know about the different holidays and what excitement and anticipation they have in a child's life......and all these are in danger of being pulled away from her as long as your wife decides to listen to the WTS for directions and orders. SHE will miss out on these things....and YOU, as her parents, will never experience the JOY of celebrating all the normal things that everyone else does.

    I would make it very CLEAR that this is a normal part of every kid's childhood and some men in Brooklyn have no RIGHT to dictate what YOUR little one can and cannot DO! I can't stress this enough or TELL you how awful I feel for CHOOSING to rob these things from MY kids. It will be with me the rest of my life. I will do anything to keep just one more little kid from having a horrible JW upbringing!!!

    Another thing that I think should be pointed out.....is that when someone is "studying with JWs" (which is a term used for the indoctrination program to gain recruits for the WTS and has very little to DO with the bible) is that the WTS is very clever and TELLS the ones who are studying that they WILL meet up with "opposition" from their friiends and relatives.

    They tell them that this is "Satan trying to keep them from learning the truth" so when you or her relatives try and point out how silly these teachings sound----she remembers JUST what her study conductor has told her----and feels they they MUST BE RIGHT!!!!.....and on the study goes with re-inforcements from the WTS reasoning. It is ALL very sneaky, deceptive and underhanded.....the very trademark of the Watchtower Society.

    You have to put your foot down as often as you CAN, to stop whatever you can as far as changes in your household and your lifestyle. You have to realize she is being sucked into a cult and needs HELP for her to see how sly the WTS and the JWs ARE to convince her to continue to be "pleasing God" as they like to say! THIS is what all their strange teachings boil down to----getting her to THINK that these oddball practices are "pleasing to God" and by NOT going along with their program....God will punish her. Such nonsense----but it works!

    Keep coming back here for advice----and we will do whatever we can to help you to keep both your wife and your daughter OUT of this cult! We wish you the best of luck wiith this!

    hugs,

    Annie......a 30-year JW.....out for 7 years now.....

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    You said that you were raised Catholic. One suggestion I would give is DONT mention anything your taught in the Catholic faith either.You see they hate the Catholics. I have a case of the wife a JW the hubby a Catholic. the poor kid will go off his head I believe all over religions, he is dragged to the WT meetings & also to the Catholic meetings. Give over!!!! Just LOVE in the home is what is needed No fights, arguments , over religion it is a loosing battle .Show the little one how great your love for MUM & Her is. explain to your wife how much you love her & call a truss.( <sorryfreetobeme spelt wrong.

    Freetobeme>>>> spelling is a minor problem reading something that is not there was what we were taught to do in the WT....Start reading it right darling.

  • mouthy
    mouthy

    I do hope it all works out for you...

    This is so funny I just had this sent to me.... Thought it appropiate for the thread ,,I dont mean to be flippant about your very sad marriage ...But I am sure your LOVE will cover a load of disagreements (hug)

    To keep your marriage brimming With love in the loving cup, Whenever you're wrong admit it; Whenever you're right, shut up

  • Heavy Hearted
    Heavy Hearted

    Thank you all for the encourageing words, never mind the spelling as I have been told miss spelling is a sign of bigger thingking, meaning too much on my mind. My dad this weekend told me I should give her an altamaidem(sp), which I think is the wrong move, I would rather not give in to the watch tower, and show my wife that she has been misled, what are any of your thoughts on this? My daughter is the MOST important thing in my life, I too have felt like I am fighting a losing battel and want to just leave, but I can't for my daughters sake. any child growing up with out a father is a travisty.

    I talked to my wife and reliterated that I want my daughter to have nothing to do with any religion until she is old enough to make her own decisions.

    and for everyone woundering why I was asked to not attend their the bible studies the last question I was alowed to ask was, " in reference to Gen.3 1:8 the serpent enticing eve to eat the fruit, and gain the knowege of good and evil. Are you not giving this same information to the followers of JW "the information of good and evil"?, does that not make you the serpent? and the non-JW Eve?"

    I was told they didn't know the answer to that question and would get back to me. my wife told me they would rather me not be around when they studied, because I was deturing from the real mesage of the TRUTH.

  • XU
    XU

    Wow Heavy Hearted, that was a great question about the serpent and eve. I always wondered why it was so bad to know right and wrong when that is what becomes so important to know as a Witness. I guess it was about the disobeying. Anyways, off the subject. Welcome to the board and keep reading. Good luck.

  • OnTheWayOut
    OnTheWayOut

    A suggestion-
    Ask on this forum about finding a good counselor that understands the cult of JW's.
    Try asking therapists near you if JWD can't help.

    Go to a therapist/counselor for a session or a few sessions. Once You personally are
    comfortable with this professional, suggest to the counselor that you want marriage counseling.
    Perhaps your wife won't refuse marriage counseling, but perhaps the counselor can also
    help her understand the type of people she is dealing with.

    I make this suggestion, because I am contemplating how to bring about a similar subject.
    My wife is a faithful JW, I am fading fast out of the cult, the wife is baffled by my sudden
    changes. I try to reach her, may succeed. This idea is cooking right now for me. May
    do it one day soon

  • dawgfan
    dawgfan

    It sounds like so far you are doing the right things. Follow your heart. I agree also that an

    ultimatum may not be best decision because that would drive a bigger wedge between you and her.

  • sspo
    sspo
    You are the head of your household. Your wife will be trained to obey you,

    Don't agree with that, she might also use the counsel from the GB "spiritual endangerment" and feel that she has to protect her spirituality and that of her daughter and she will hit the road.

    A good excuse for a mate to split and there is not much that anyone can do.

    GB always has the answer to screw people up.

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