My (JW) dad called.

SPAZnik

For the 4th time in 6 years.

Who is this man and why do I feel obligated to talk to him
just because he and my mother eff'd each other over
for a few years back in the 70's?

It's like he calls me just to grill, critique and reject me over and over again. It's like I'm never good enough to love as is. Must be more perfect (particularly by JW definition). I'm nowhere near living up to His Dream Of Me.

Maybe this relationship needs to end.
It certainly needs to be redefined.

Such a huge undertaking.
Gawd, people exhaust me.
I am so tired.

jwfacts

It certainly needs to be redefined.

Sounds like a good idea. Send him a letter telling him what the relationship will be from now on. Make note that you know who you are and will no longer listen to his indoctrinated critique of your life. But end it softly saying how you would like to have him behaving as a real father in your life. Anyway, thats what I would do to make myself feel better.

nsrn

He just called you are started in criticizing? I'm so sorry you are treated so disrespectfully by someone who should cherish you. What a jerk. Big hugs from here! I'm not sure how (someone else here will have suggestions) to set some boundaries when he calls.

MeneMene

It can be exhausting - my parents don't call because it's long distance. I do call them every week or two just to keep in touch. My mother always ends up talking about how much worse the world is getting and the end is right here - any time now. It just upsets me that she still believes everything they say. My father too. In the past I tried telling her how wrong WTS is but I didn't handle it very well. ... I even told her she is brainwashed!! ... I can't believe they still even talk to me. ... What are we still doing up this time of night??? I'd better get some sleep so I can go to the Post Office tomorrow. : )

gordon d

You're an eloquint writer... even somewhat peotic!

Have you considered expressing your feelings in a letter... they're kinda' hard to interupt, provide enough time to gather your thoughts, and something about reading helps to "sink" ideas in deeper than just listening.

As far as "who he is" to you.... sounds like you already know the answer to that question.

I feel your pain,

SPAZnik

Thank you for the valuable comments.
I am very tired tonight. I will look at this again tomorrow (after work if not sooner). I appreciate all your input. Very good stuff.

Mysterious

How about being up front with him? Tell him you are happy with how your life is going but that if you feel you need advice you will be more than willing to contact him. If he's only called four times in six years how can he possibly even know what you would want/need?

mama bear

SPAZnik wrote: -- For the 4th time in 6 years.

Who is this man and why do I feel obligated to talk to him
just because he and my mother eff'd each other over
for a few years back in the 70's?

It's like he calls me just to grill, critique and reject me over and over again. It's like I'm never good enough to love as is. Must be more perfect (particularly by JW definition). I'm nowhere near living up to His Dream Of Me.

Maybe this relationship needs to end.
It certainly needs to be redefined.

Such a huge undertaking.
Gawd, people exhaust me.
I am so tired.--

Don't they though? I agree with that completely!

As for your dad, there is no easy solution. Whatever your energy and emotions [read: heart] tells you to do ... I was 'your dad' to our daughter only the 'mother' version but not so infrequently. We were honestly blessed with a child who grew up to respect us though she simply could not agree with the religion she was raised in and would not ever commit to it. [and believe me, I was an overbearing VERY critical mother] She wore her pain -- that which our religious differences produced - very stoicly. She reflected back respect and unconditional love. In time, it was her unwavering personal integrity driven by her capacity for love which began to wear me down. When I left I called her our Shekinah Light because her love and peace continued to shine towards us eventually leading us out of a place of legislated love [gasp:gasp] into a life where we could fully explore our heart's capacity to feel and to exhibit that love to all regardless of any differences we may personally have with them. It is a much better place to embrace people wholly than to judge them summarily! Perhaps, if your heart inclines you in the future your love will attract your folks from their loveless life. Lord knows they need a good swift love jumpstart to their hearts...the FDS manages to stifle the hearts of their following and slow it down to the slowest setting to support life...it gives them the dependency they need as a leadership to have full government over their membership! If you can, love your folks to death...death being their departure from the WTS grip.

moshe

Maybe you need to call him 1st. You call and initiate the conversation and choose the topic- Stay on track and keep off JW'ish topics. I think things might go better- JW's talk about KH stuff out of habit. They need some serious herding to stay off those topics. It can be done, good luck.

Moshe

Scully

Turnabout is fair play.

Why not call him and tell him what you think of his ridiculous little cult and his ridiculous little power trips that he goes on when he phones to criticize you?

Last phone call I got from my JW dad was about 3 years ago. Pretty much the same deal as yours. Sorry it happened to you too.

My (JW) dad called.

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