My (JW) dad called. (page 2)

parakeet

"Such a huge undertaking.
Gawd, people exhaust me.
I am so tired."

I so agree. And even if you undertake the task of changing the relationship, there's no guarantee it will have any effect. It would be better if you change your reaction to hurtful people rather than trying (and probably failing) to change the hurtful people.

Last week, my JW mother made a very unkind remark to me, another in a long, long list of critical remarks. After crying about it for days, something finally snapped in me. I decided not to take it any more. I've decided to cut back on the time I spend with her and will not let these remarks go unchallenged again. She will have to decide to (1) either stop the criticism, or (2) get these remarks flung right back at her. I've had enough!

BTW, this decision took me more than 50 years to make. Better late than never, I guess.

Dismembered

Greetings SPAZnik ,

Long time no see SPAZnik .

I'd tell him in no uncertain terms to get bent and Fu** Off already. I look foward to the day any watchtower drone(s) calls me with that kind of crap. They'll be sorry they did. Relatives or otherwise.

Dismembered

codeblue

So sorry about your being "rejected" by your Dad. I have the reverse situation with my son right now.

The word "redefine" caught my eye. Which could mean setting boundaries as well in a relationship. Boundaries of respect for each of you to continue a "healthy relationship". ( wow, only 4 phone calls in a 6 year period? geez...)

It is painful to not be accepted by our family....and I am so sorry you are struggling with unloving family.

blondie

You might find this book enlightening.

http://www.amazon.com/Toxic-Parents-Overcoming-Hurtful-Reclaiming/dp/0553284347

Blondie

becca1

I'm sorry you're hurting. I like the advice jwfacts gave you. You express yourself well in writing so take advantage of that. And keep the tone soft and freindly, you want to gain him not lose him. The ball will be in his court then, he will have to play by your rules next time he gets in touch.

Take care...

Mitch McDeere

It's not easy dealing with parents until the relationship is truly redefined in your mind. From the time we are able to walk and talk, our parents are the first and most influential people in our lives. It becomes difficult to shake that paradigm once we are adults.

In these situations, I tell myself that I must maintain the focus of my adult experience when I interact with them and not revert to the child who takes advice or critisim unabashedly.

This being said, there must be something in the back of your father's mind that misses you and that is why he calls you, but he no longer has any common ground with you to communicate except for the confrontational issues of the Borg.

Good luck.

Warlock

When he calls, just put him on "hold" and go about your business.

Warlock

TowerWatch

I don’t post here often and perhaps there is more to this story then I am reading here, but I wanted to add my two cents.

As hard as it may be to comprehend your father is most likely doing this out of love for you. Being a Jehovah's Witness he thinks you will be destroyed at Armageddon and he wants to do what he can to save you.

It is not easy being a Jehovah's Witness parent with children that are non-Jehovah's Witness. Remember the Watchtower is teaching him that all outside the Origination are as dead. It is really hard for a parent to think of their children in this position.

I know it has to be hard for you when he calls but I would image it is very hard for him to make that call.

I am not trying to justify what your father is doing it has to hurt, and it sounds like he could work on his method. I am just trying to present the other side of the story since I was in your father's position before I left the Watchtower.

LovesDubs

I have to think that people do this shit because they see in you things they hate about their own lives...and there is some envy that you are not saddled like they are...and they know they couldnt POSSIBLY say the things they say to you, to other "believers" or theyd be in a JC or on their ass on the street before they knew what hit them.

You have absolutely nothing to lose by being TOTALLY honest with this guy. Perhaps he is waiting for you to stand up to him?

My father has always intimidated me...Im 52 years old and he STILL has that affect on me. So...a couple of years ago he and his "new wife" of 30 years ganged up on me for something they had been STEWING about for an entire frickin year and ripped me a new one in front of my 13 year old daughter! And...yeah...that was the straw baby.

I let them have it. AFTER I left and NOT in ear shot of my baby. I wrote to them and told my FATHER if HE wanted to have a relationship with me HE knew where I was. And he could leave the bitch at home.

I have not heard from him since so its obvious whom he chose.

And I am no worse for the wear..the fear is gone.

SPAZnik

Okay, nothing happening at work today so I stole away on a break to check in with you folks. What phenomenal feedback you each have given. I can't tell you right now how much I appreciate each and every comment.

I think I just needed a moment to whimper like a little girlie girl (LOL). Thanks to each of you for accommodating me and my luxurious little pity party with your understanding, compassion and honest feedback.

Truth is, things could be so much worse. Truth is, he makes huge efforts and even though the calls have been few there has been (in my opinion) huge improvement along the way and obvious efforts on both our parts in spite of huge obstacles.

There are ups and downs and last night was a bit of a down for me even before he called, so ya know, all I can really do is take accountability for myself and how I choose to interact with him; and keep going, just keep going.

It's funny how a grown woman can just want to be able to be a little girl with her dad and end up almost resenting having to be forever strong and gentle with him because he is so frail himself in so many ways just like every other human. I've known and done this my entire life, I'm just so tired and negative lately and admittedly losing grip on my own world class tolerance. :D It's silly to want to make up for lost time now, but knowing me and knowing him, we'll find a way.

There are so many factors I sometimes want to try and tell the whole story. Especially in an environment like this. It's just that it's the www and I'm chicken shit of exposing everything here. I'm loathe to talk of people I care about here because I don't want them to someday see it and misinterpret it and ultimately destroy the relationship altogether in my very attempts to improve and believe in it.

Anyway, I needed you guys and I really appreciate you for listening to this teeny-little-one-sided-out-of-context-whiny-assed segment and just somehow understanding cause you've been there and for giving such strength.

It chokes me up, man.

SPAZ

My (JW) dad called.

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