by nonamegiven 14 Replies latest jw experiences
For those of us here who are XJW's for varying degrees (DF's, DS'd or just faded away {the greatest feat of all}) looking back to your years as an active JW, were you ever 100% mentally? I thought I was but looking back when I was a MS and being groomed for elder I was very zealous but still didn't like field service but loved helping out. Now I look back I see I was just looking for acceptance from other, not serving God.
I would elaborate but I plan on posting "my story" soon.
How about you?
Certainly during my 6 years of pioneering, I gave 100% to the org, I couldn't see anything worthwhile beyond being a jw, and even after I had to quit as a pioneer, I was still a very zealous dub, with not even the slightest doubt that it wasn't the truth. It ws only during the last couple of years, when I did start having doubts, that I started giving less than 100%.
I went thru 'phases' of doubt I suppose, but mostly I was 'all in'. I accepted the doctrine and leaky concept of God's exclusivity for a very long time. Along the way I was jostled a few times, but never shaken from the tree entirely.
Finally, the repetitive actions of unloving elders and others just did not match the picture I had painted of Jesus' followers. That's when I read the Franz books, and viola, here I am.
Jeff
If I wasn't "all in" at one time, I never would have gotten baptized. There was a time I never would have doubted anything taught to me by the JWs.
When I pioneered (especially during the first year and pioneer school) I thought I felt God's spirit more then any time in my life. I was 100% then. But, then my sister was disfellowshipped and it really messed with me that I couldn't have anything to do with her as a pioneer and 'an example'. I only lasted 2 years as one, got hauled into a meeting with the elders about hanging with her and it made me so angry that they didn't want me to associate with my own flesh and blood. First, I lost the pioneer 'status' (cause that's all it is) and then a few months later I was gone.
So, yea, for about one year, out of 23, I was 100% IMPRESSIVE
All the other years, something just didn't seem right. And if something bothered me I would just read more and 'convince' myself that my doubts would go away. That my doubts meant something was wrong with me, not the organization.
I agree. If I had't believed what I was taught I never would've got baptized.
I was all the way in for 20 years and the last year started having a lot of questions go unanswered.
Juni
There were times. Just before baptism, as a new pioneer, moving to where the need was greater, maybe a few others. It's so hard to sustain and then comes the mental self flagelation.
I felt something wasnt right but I thought it was just me having a critical attitude. This didnt mean I didnt think it was the truth , I did, its just I wondered how long it was going to take before I felt like everyone else
Thats why, when i first came here and read all the experiences I knew it wasnt me alone, there where other ppl out there that felt exactly like i did
I was all in for about 7 or 8 years before the 1995 change of THIS GENERATION. Then I slowly drifted.
I started out gung-ho, ready to do my part to save people from destruction. I loyally worked at the KH,
I loyally preached. I read each magazine cover-to-cover, thinking there was something wrong with me
whenever I thought their analogies left out important points. Even after I drifted, I avoided anything
considered apostate and all R-rated movies, anything to do with holidays.
Though I was raised in the "truth", and very active, I always had doubts. Looking back I think that deep down, I was never totally there. I've always been quick to detect hypocrisy and critical of things that don't make sense. I usually did not express these feelings to anyone other than my husband though.
