I was as IN as I'm OUT now. If I wouldn't have put my whole soul, heart, mind, and strength into this horse pucky, I possibly would still be wondering about whether I didn't do a good enough job or something. AS it is, I HAVE A GREAT FREENESS OF SPEECH because I gave it all I had and still didn't do enough.
Were you ever "all in"?
by nonamegiven 14 Replies latest jw experiences
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Bumble Bee
I was raised "in". I tried hard to be a good dub, did everything that was required of me, but I did it because I had to, not because I wanted to. That included my baptism (pressure, pressure, pressure).
So no, I don't think I was ever "all in", I know I never really felt like I belonged there.
BB
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misguided
Raised in...and at at one point was "all in" (from about 6 to 16). I got baptized at 16 and from that day I was the road out....it just took me too long to actually get out...another 20 years.
Rose
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Backed away
Hi Nonamegiven,
I too was raised a Witness, ( everytime I hear that term, it reminds me of Chickens in a Coop or Beef Cattle eating away getting fatter and fatter unknowingly getting ready for their slaughter) but I was never really all the way in. I tried, don't get me wrong, I just had too many questions left unanswered. even today when family asked why I'm inactive, my simple yet most accurate response is, "I was never really good at it". I finally got tired of being a hypocrite, leading a double life like so many jw's currently do (Man, could I tell some stories!), and began my "fading"
Thank God for the mirror's in my house, otherwise, moment's of sadness, loneliness and truly missing my family would of brought me back .I have to be honest with myself, even if my old Religion can't or won't.
I look forward to you telling your story, it feels real good to tell it. I have experienced nothing but love from this board when I opened up what was once only private to me.
Welcome, Welcome..
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XU
I was all in like abandoned. The only way I was able to leave is because I did everything I absolutely could to make it work, except taking care of the "real problem" with suicide. I drew the line there temporarily, now it's not even a thought. I had doubts, but I never seriously entertained them until I reached max capacity at 21 and just stopped.