Witness mother's and jealousy towards their daughters...

by kittyeatzjdubs 22 Replies latest jw friends

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  kittyeatzjdubs

  Ladies, growing up, did you ever feel that your mother resented or was jealous of you? I did. Whenever I would get a compliment from someone, especially males, she would always find someway to turn right around and insult me in front of everyone. We were at dinner one time with the CO and he told me that I was a very beautiful young lady. So then my mother grabs my arms and says, ''If we could only do something about her little monkey arms.''

  See, my arms have no more hair on them than anyone else, but I'm Mexican, so it's a lot darker and more noticable. I'm over it now, but when I was younger, I was extremely embarassed by it. And then my mother goes and does something like that at a table full of people! I felt like my face was on fire. I just wanted to crawl under the table and die! I think everyone was embarassed, noone really said anything.

  Even growing up, she tried to dress me in the frumpiest granny clothes she could. My sisters finally intervened when I was 14 and bought me a brand new wardrobe.

  Does the majority of Jdub mother's tend to be jealous towards their daughters? Or just mine?

  ~luv, jojo
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  blondie

  Actually, mothers who aren't JWs act like this. I don't think it is a function of being a JW, but problems that creep up between non-JW mothers and daughters with the same frequency.

  I have found that the mothers are emotionally immature and never really grew up.

  Blondie
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  Frannie Banannie

  K, my problem is the opposite. I have a daughter who's always been jealous of me and gawd only knows why.
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  kid-A

  So then my mother grabs my arms and says, ''If we could only do something about her little monkey arms.''

  Holy begeezuz Jojo, sorry for saying this but your mother sounds like a monster! Who does that to their own child? I'm speechless! That is just sooooo f**ked up! I dont know

  if that even qualifies as "jealousy" so much as sociopathic cruelty!

  From my experience, I didnt personally know any JW mothers that behaved this way, however, most were control freaks. I was lucky that my Mom always went out of her way to build our self-confidence.
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  gypsytart

  I can sympathise with this. My mum has rarely (if ever) paid me a compliment. She puts me down on a regular basis. She does this in subtle ways, if I told her someone complimented me she would start going on about how very attractive 'sister never a hair out of place' always looks. She will compliment my daughter openly, but never me. Very odd, as I compliment my daughter all the time, telling her how beautiful she is etc. I'm not sure whether it's a JW thing though, or whether she would be like it to me anyway.

  I did wonder whether its because she has always had her 'style' restricted by the Org. When I stopped going to meetings, I started wearing clothes I wanted to wear, not what I was told I should wear. So on went the tight tops, short skirts, I dyed my hair blonde, had a couple of tattoos, had a boob job (shock horror). Maybe she's repressed and resents the fact I now do as I please appearance-wise.

  Or perhaps she just doesn't like me !!!
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  love2Bworldly

  JoJo--hard to believe someone could be so cruel! Growing up, my non JW father would often say unkind things to me and my siblings and never had a good word to say to us; now that my dad is old and I am grown--I realize how miserable he has been his whole life, he's a depressed and negative person and always finds fault. He also has no tolerance for young children--he is much nicer to my kids now that they are older, and I also have a better relationship with him because I'm an adult.

  Because I remember how much hurt could be inflicted by an innocent remark by my dad, I have always been very careful with my kids not to say unkind or cutting remarks even if I'm angry with them. The good thing is that my kids have much higher self-esteems than I did growing up.
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  Woofer

  I was a "late bloomer" development wise and my mom would frequently make fun of me in front of my older sisters and other women in the congregation. I could never understand why she wanted to make me cry. I know I would never do that to my kids. I still recall her ridicule like it was yesterday!
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  mrsjones5

  K, my problem is the opposite. I have a daughter who's always been jealous of me and gawd only knows why.

  Cuz you're just so goshdurn cute Frannie

  Jojo, my mother is the same way. I had to deal with crap like that that only got worst when I hit puberty. She was cruel when I was overweight in high school and it got worst when I dropped 30 pounds. To this day my pet name for her is "Evil 1 (of course not voiced to her face).

  Josie
  
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  LongHairGal

  Kitty:
  
  I never would have guessed from your picture you are Mexican. You look like the all American girl.
  
  My mother had a jealousy and she wasn't a JW. It's a complicated and unhealthy family situation and I can probably thank my dad for that. But she's gone now and I am sad because she wasn't my friend. A mother should be her daughter's friend. Anyway, your mom sounds like she has issues and they have nothing to do with being a JW. Did you surpass her in good looks maybe? If so, she should be proud of her pretty daughter and not be acting like this. It does no good to be jealous of younger girls and women because everybody has their turn to be young and this is your time.
  
  
  LHG
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  Nosferatu

  So then my mother grabs my arms and says, ''If we could only do something about her little monkey arms.''

  This type of stuff doesn't just happen to women. Whenever I would be walking around shirtless in the house as a child, my mother would tell me to put on a shirt because of my ugly skinnyness. She also commented that I inherited my ugly feet from my father. Also, when I finally started to groom myself, she would comment on my ugly hairstyle (it was actually quite plain).

  Even growing up, she tried to dress me in the frumpiest granny clothes she could.

  I got the garbage 10 year old hand-me-downs that were so horribly out of style. I was beat up, kicked, punched, called names, and made fun of in high school solely because of my clothes. When I tried to tell my mother what I wanted to wear, she threatened me with a beating if I didn't wear something "nice" and that "stood out because Jehovah's people are supposed to stand out".