by smily 24 Replies latest jw friends
Yet is the operative word here. Believe me after you take a look at the books and attend a few meeting "Book Study" will come up. If he is reinstated it is the logical thing for him to request of you if he intends to marry you. I'm amazed that he is still seeing you (well not that amazed - sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it to).
Josie
It was my idea to have a look because it is so obviously important to him!!! He has not tried to convert me yet! No bible study has been suggested.just a look at the books and beliefs.
Smily, you obviously love this man, and I don't blame you for agreeing to look at his beliefs in order to keep him. However, even though he hasn't, as you say, tried to convert you yet, he will, don't doubt it. And not just him, his family if they are jws, and his fellow jws at the kingdom hall will also try. It won't be long before a bible study is suggested, and believe you me if you agree to that, that's when the serious attempt at indoctrination will start. If you resist, I fear that your relationship with this man will suffer. He will be counselled for associating with you, and pressured to end the relationship. It will be down to him then on what he puts first - his relationship with you or his standing as a jw, and there will be very little you can do to influence the outcome.
If you are seriously considering this course, then for your own sake, please think very carefully before you get in too deep.
Linda
Would he be willing to look at some books you have? Such as Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz, Captives of a Concept by Don Cammeron, The Four Presidents of the Watchtower by Gruss, just to name a few. If he won't why not? Is he asking you to do something he himself is not willing to do? Is this really the kind of relationship you want?
Can you bring up topics of scandal about the wt such as the UN, blood issues, pedophile problem, Malawi/Mexico, transplant flip flops, rape flip flops, etc.... with him or his family?
Every new ubm (unbelieving mate) thinks 'their love' is stronger than the wt, can overcome any problems arising from one being a cult member, we on all the ex jw boards have heard it over and over and over. I thought the same thing. Your 'love' will be abandoning you five times a week and on Saturdays to do field service. Then if he is very lucky he will get bible study of his very own, there goes yet another night away. His first love will not be you and any children, it will be the organization and the congregation as it must be in the jw's. You and your relationship are not special beyond what every other broken hearted ubm has thought and gone through. Learn from other peoples mistakes in this instance, your future life and happiness depend on it and that of any children you may have. I wish you well.
Surely this is racism of some kind?
Not racism, but bigotry. Bigoted against anyone not a JW.
Why am I to be punished for what I have never been?
See above comment.
So I have agreed (mind with a very heavy heart) to have a look?! (you all knew this was coming and have heard it all before,Iam sure!) The weight seems to have lifted (at least somewhat temporarly) from him to ME!
It's called "monkey-on-your-back", and you willingly accepted it.
Can this ever be resolved?
Yes, there are reformed "monkey-buyers" who have come before you and whipped the problem in to shape. http://de.pennnet.com/display_article/259060/76/ARTCL/none/none/Get_the_Monkey_Off_Your_Back/
Can love really triumph over THIS?
Only if he loves you back. If he loves being free of problems more than seeing you happy and content, then SHOULD you be loving him so loyally?
but have I somehow given false hope?
Yes
Our we doomed?
Love is a two-way street. Are you loved back? It might be better to find out now rather than six months from now, miserable, wrapped in your baptism towel.
No bible study has been suggested.just a look at the books and beliefs.
This is a backhanded way of involving an "interested one" in a book study without actually saying so. Test it out. Ask if you can look at any book you want. JW's are STRONGLY ADVISED as to which book to study first. Ask to see the "Secret to Family Happiness" book. Go to the section on divided families, and ask if he believes all that. Then look at the parenting section and ask if he believes all that. Check out how wives are to submit to their husbands and ask if YOU believe all that.
My ex-husband did the exact same thing you are doing. He even went so far to pretend to be a JW just so I would marry him. He was absolutely miserable. I did come out obvoiusly .. but only after our divorce. We had such a difficult marriage because of the JW crap. Don't do it to yourself. If you feel like you want to work on trying to get him out, that's fine. But DO NOT marry him unless he disassociates himself from them.
Ok so we are doomed!!! Does that give me the right to give up so easily? If being a JW is as bad as it seems than if I truly love him I should have a look and then I should apply patience,understanding,patience,doubt,questions and most of all love?! If he is dating me and risking all perhaps he has doubt? of course we are doomed anyway...but at least I can live knowing I tried......
Smily, I have not read the other replies as I have time for only a hit and run.
As long as your guy is a dedicated Witness, his love for you will likely be based on what you believe rather than who you are.
Never forget he is under the severely dangerous influence of cult programming. You are a fool to be involved with him. You deserve someone who loves you for you rather than for some insane-religious-tribal-dogma you adhere to. You deserve better. You deserve better! You deserve someone who can offer you hopes of a bright future rather than one filled with the dark fear and dread of religious superstition.
Wake up from your coma, girl.
j
If I were you Smiley I would run. As fast and and far as I could. But never mind what we say go with your heart, but don't say we didn't warn you.
Josie
He may be risking things now but he could have the mindset that if you get married and things settle down - he could get involved again. If that were to happen think of all the things that you would want out of a marriage but could not have.
You have a good opportunity to ACTUALLY study what they are saying and asking CRITICAL questions. You are NOT a JW so you have the freedom to question everything and ask about all the skeletons and expect an answer that is honest and way more than "you shouldn't be looking at the internet". Because you are free, you are independant and you have no obligation to those whom you are studying with. In addition, don't let them take some condescending type role where they imagine they have authority over you-don't allow them that. Good luck. (And if you say that-good luck- in front of them, they will make a JW type comment about it. At which point remind them that you have the freedom to say "Good luck" if you wish to, but they are equally free to NOT say it. It is inculcated JW rudeness that tries to control people and put them on their own page, rather than considering anyone elses as being valid.
