Any help with 8 year old still in?

megsmomma

I am very sad that I am in this situation. It is pretty much my own fault that I have this situation...but I didn't know at the time what all the consequenses would entail. (I got real ddepressed and left my JW husband and Da'd myself after I had a baby with him) My daughter is a happy well adjusted kid with a new JW mom and an Elder dad. I am going to see her in December. Me and my hubby, and her lil sissy are going to stay at my aunts and have a bunch of family coming there for x-mas.

I have researched critical thinking and I am going to try to instill that in her whenever possible, but I would like to get some more advise on things we can do for her. We are not going to do the traditional x-mas things around her (My family is so good about this because we all love her) Everyone wants to get her presents...but they will just be "winter presents" and my daughter and I have already decieded when everyone is opening their x-mas presents...we will watch a movie. (we did that a couple years ago when I was there) We do whatever it takes for her to not feel guilty (that dreaded emotion)

If anyone grew up with a da'd parent or can understand HER side of what she goes through, I would appreciate your views and thoughts.

Thanks so much!

gordon d

Please don't let the slow response make you think that no one cares..... That is a tough situation!

caligirl

Yikes.. that is a tough one. I don't have any eperience with that kind of thing, but it sounds like you are already making all the adjustments that are within your power to do. I don't see that there is much that you can do besides show her that you love her and make sure that her time with you and your family is fun and doesn't put any pressure on her about the whole witness thing so that her experience counteracts anything that she may be told about non-witnesses now and in the future. That way if she is being told that everyone (you and your family) will be doing their best to get her to leave "Jehovah" and none of you even mention it, then that gives her a basis to question what she is being told as she gets older.)

How often do you get to see her?

megsmomma

Thanks for the reponses...I know I have to be patient with responses because not everyone has this kind of situation.

I get to see her a couple times a year. We live in texas and she is in Ohio. I saw her in June, after I had her sister, and we talkon the phone a few times a week. We still are very conected in my opinion. It is a hard situation and I just wish she could have a normal life.

caligirl

I'm with you on the normal life thing, but she still has a chance - maybe not for the child hood, but having you in her life will certainly give her a perspective on non-witnesses that most kids do not have to counteract what they are taught.

megsmomma

Cali...you made a great point of it being different than what everone tell her about how we will all try to get her to "leave Jehovah". Thanks for that too!

merfi

I have little people as well, but my situation is a bit different. I'm DA and have custody; JW dad is a couple hours away so gets them every other weekend. So they get two meetings a month is all (if dad isn't "sick" or "busy" -- he's a flakey JW, thank goodness).

Anyway, what I did in the beginnings of my Freedom was show them how fun the once-forbidden holidays and b'days actually are, without coming out and saying "we're going to celebrate your birthday cuz JW are a f'd up cult" etc. And when none of us were struck down with lightening for giving presents or enjoying something holiday-related, it was one step closer to them accepting that it's all ok... we're still on the journey, but making a lot of progress (I have in front of me three "Dear Santa" lists. lol THAT is progress!)

I guess what I'm getting at is to be subtle. Just show her that Xmas is about family and togetherness and, since she's 8, the "pretties" (as my kids call all our lights).

I wish you the best.... this sort of thing is hard.

~merfi

nelly136

just make sure she has more fun and less pressure at your house, one day she will be old enough to vote with her feet.

((((megsmomma)))

Nellie

Your daughter is old enough to reason with.

Rule # 1 - Never outright defame the organization OR HER FATHER for what she is learning from her father.

Rule # 2 - Explain to her that you understand what she is learning and you will always be respectful of the CHOICES that her father makes, but that those are HIS choices and she needs to KNOW that SHE has choices too.

Rule # 3 - Encourage her to ask you questions about what she's learning and tell you about what she feels. Let her know that you will love her no matter what.

Rule # 4 - Make sure that she isn't required to make serious DECISIONS AS A CHILD. (Like getting baptized at the age of nine.)

kwintestal

I'd almost want to make a deal with the dad ... he doesn't take her door-to-door, you won't celebrate Christmas with her. You're both parents and you're both entitled to raise her with your beliefs even if the parent's beliefs conflict with each others'. I'm sure once you get her there and she sees what's going on if you asked her if she wanted to just see what Christmas is like that she'd say yes. Then, "Hey, theres a present with your name on it, do you want to see what's in it?"

Why shouldn't you be allowed to share your beliefs with your daughter as her father is sharing his? I'd also talk to a lawyer should there be any "problems" like her being disciplined for participating.

Kwin

Any help with 8 year old still in?

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