Any help with 8 year old still in? (page 2)

TheListener

Nellie's rules are excellent.

I can't stress how important I feel it is to make sure the child knows, absolutely knows, you love them no matter what. The dubs do not believe in or stress that kind of love. Their love is conditional. Did the child comment? Did the child go in service? ring the bell? offer a tract? read a scripture? give talks? etc etc etc.

Your love should be for her as a human being who has her own choices to make.

I stress the love part with my family every single day. I make time to sit with my family (the younger members) every day and discuss their activities. I allow them to tell me about the meetings and what they like and don't like. I don't get angry with them if they like something at the meeting or if they participated or anything. I don't get all excited when they don't like the meetings or field service and go yeah yeah you're right. I listen and offer fatherly advice when necessary and protection from harmful thoughts the wts can give people about not being good enough for God.

Just last night one of my children looked up at me after we talked for awhile and said "Thanks Daddy." I looked back and asked "What for honey?" Her answer, "For spending time with me and loving me."

I truly believe that if you set up a good foundation of communication that they will continue to open up to you later in life. If you sit with them every night that you can (this depends on circumstances of course) and just let them talk the will eventually open up about problems, concerns and issues in their lives. I know from experience. There are times when I know something is bothering one of my children but it takes them 2 or 3 days to finally have the courage to come out and discuss it with me and get my advice. I try not to poke and prod but to let them bring things up for discussion as they feel comfortable. I'll say that they do not have the same relationship with my wife - the dub. For a dub it is all about do's and don'ts and obedience.

jgnat

Oh, you guys have all given great advice. megsmomma, because you are a long-distance mom, don't try and cram in all you've missed doing in your short visit. Relax, and do a few simple things. As others have said, make it fun and simple. Listen. Give her a hug when you have to go and tell her you will always be there for her.

Leave it at that. Seeds.

megsmomma

Thank you everyone for the great suggestions and advise. I will apply it when I see her....and love her unconditionally and make sure she knows it. You are all wonderfull.........thanks for the support!

BrentR

You are in a very unique position to act as an ambassador to her. Your not a JW but you are her mom and she will listen to you and believe you even if others tell her not to. Your hands are tied right now somewhat but as she becomes an adult and her thought process starts to mature and grow you will be the first person in her life that she will feel comfortable in talking with.

I did not have that as a JW kid and did not have anyone that I could trust to answer questions that I was afraid to ask my parents. She has someone, YOU. Your daughter is also going to need someone to be there when and if she does choose to leave.

When I left I was twenty and I did not have anyone that was not a JW that I could trust in the way I could trust my mom or dad.

Just BE THERE for her whether or not she decides to leave them. She allready has an advantage that I did not have. I still left anyway and only had a handful of friends for support, that was all I needed.

truthsearcher

Here's an idea: How about sneaking in some presents that help develop logic skills: books, games, computer games--anything that will encourage that little brain to grow in discernment! My kids love Sudoku and I have ordered some Thinking Skills workbooks for them. They liked logic puzzles when they were older.

unbeliever

Can you get her for an extended period of time during the summer? My dad got us for practically the whole summer and all the major holidays (all court ordered). It was heaven not having to go in fs or the kh. There was not a damn thing my jw mom could do about it either. We got a taste of what a normal life could be like.

BrentR

"We got a taste of what a normal life could be like."

That alone is so very powerful!

Abandoned

One thing you can give her that will feel foreign to her but will have a POWERFUL affect is genuine caring - without any ulterior motive. Have a little faith that you don't need to imitate any of the horrible trickst the jw do to reach her, but show her genuine love and that will come back to her later when she prepares to make her escape.

esw1966

I'm in a similar situation. I have 3 daughters being raised by their jw mom. They are 14, 12, and 9.

The thing I have been told the most is to LOVE them. By giving them the LOVE that they need, giving them a safe place to see life from, and then getting them to start thinking for themselves is my best shot.

By doing too much, I will just create a bigger wall and they will run from me.

I hope you gain your daughter! I want to rescue mine in the worst way!!! It can be rather obsessive of a thought. My fear is that if I don't gain them, I will lose them forever to the Society.

If I show love and be the best I can be for them, they may see that I always loved them and that I am not the demon influenced man they have been taught to believe. That they had fun with me. That maybe all the things the hall says isn't all it's cracked up to be.

I also figure that getting them out all begins with a question that they cannot answer. That leads to other questions. You can't give a Communist just a 'little' bit of freedom without them wanting it all. I think that will all come in time. Through love and good times other things will get talked about and the truth will become clear.

That is MY hope! It will truly hurt if I lose my girls. I pray a lot about it as well. If they want to search for God, He will make himself found and will bring them to Him. Much of it remains in God's hands. I can do my part by showing them love and a safe place to question and see the realities of life.

Junction-Guy

I dont think you have to worry, at 8 years old she will love getting the presents. At 8 years old I had no clue as to why JW's didnt celebrate Christmas, only that I was told they are pagan. Why not start out small and then gradually introduce her to Christmas, she may be relieved to have normal fun away from her JW life. If she seems concerned, then reassure her that you wont tell her Dad and that its a little secret you are sharing with her.

Any help with 8 year old still in?

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