Do you really wish you could have faded?

megsmomma

I didn't really even concider(or know about) doing this at the time I da'd....I just kind of jumped off the deep end and didn't look back. I don't know if that was a very healthy thing for me to do, because I was not sure why I did it and I was quite lost in the world. It took me 7 years to realize I did the right thing and that JW's are nothing but a dangerous cult.

Sometimes I wish I had faded out, so as to not miss my mom.....however it seems that going through all that may be harder that just jumping. Does fading prolong the agony and make it harder to heal? Or does it take the same amount of time to get over being in a cult regardless of the way you do it?

I guess in a way I am glad I was crazy enough to cut and run, even though it has been hard dealing with the consequenses. How about you?

fullofdoubtnow

I didn't fade either, I da'd within weeks of finding out it was all a lie.

It was the best option for me, as the elders then had to leave me alone to get on with healing, though I have no family in the org. I can fully understand why those with family choose to fade rather than da themselves.

Backed away

I faded rather than DA so my family could handle it better. I'm still in the loop when it comes to important matters but are left out of the usual family get togethers, bad association you know. I've seen both sides of this decision but for me, fading allowed interaction although infrequent with the fam. fading hasn't prolonged the agony for me as my family knows better than to corner me with questions anymore. maybe it's kind of a loophole for me but at least my family doesn't feel obligated to shun their only son and brother.

Just curious, does your mom see your children or are they grouped into the shunning?

dobbie

I tried fading but in the end it was too wearing, never knowing if it was jws at the door or on the phone, and i started feeling continually sick because i felt in the end that personally i was living a half life and i couldn't handle it anymore. I was terrified of being shunned as well as i've never felt good enough as it is! I'm lucky my own family aren't jws, just my husbands, so for him its a better option to fade. And since sending my letter recently, although i'm finding it hard being ignored every day in my childs playground by people that a month ago would chat to me, i feel as if a weight has been lifted off me - and i can answer the door/phone again without worrying who is at the other end!

megsmomma

I probably worded my post wrong, but I guess I was just thinking I am kindof glad I didn't have the dilema of knowing I could fade. It seems so tough to have to act like you believe things you don't and it seems like it would be harder to heal.

Thanks for responding Linda. By the way....How long were you "in"? How happy your family must be that you are out!!

megsmomma

Backed.....My mom has included my baby in the shunning. She lives far from me, so it's not like she could just stop by to see her anytime...and I honestly would not let her do that anyways. But it all happened that my mom did come to see me after I had Megan, and was pushing "going back to Jehovah" very hard and I asked if I didn't go back, would she still shun me and the baby? She said YES....and I could never put my baby through the pain of that. So, I asked her to leave and did my research and was finally OK with my decision to not be a JW and now we don't talk. I do try to leave her messages every so ofter on what the baby is doing, just so she doesn't forget we are still alive.

It seems from the responses that it depends a-lot on each persons situation and toleration level. Thanks everyone for the prospective!

garybuss

I did fade. I was an inactive believing walkaway for 18 years. After the Witness people started shunning and snubbing me in 1992, I went on the offensive. Some days I believe I'd have done better to not confront the Witness people. At the time and under the circumstances, I don't know what else I'd have done and gotten good results.

For a while it seemed like my results were not that good. Now I've changed my mind and I'm very satisfied how it has all worked out. The people I was worried about losing, I don't miss. They were extortionists. Some were asked to leave and not come back. I'm glad the people who disrespected me and my family are out of my life. The people I care about I have in my life.

My living loss has been my son who suffers from a mental illness. Between the bad influence from the Witness people and his disease, he's not been willing to accept help from me for parts of 2 decades. He's missed and we hope for a remission or cure.

Backed away

I am so sorry to here this. I will never understand this stance. I have two Grandsons and couldn't fathom not being part of their lives regardless of the paths they choose that differ from mine. Megan is welcome to have me as her honorary Grandpa John. Hayden and Jonathan won't mind.

I've read your posts, Megan has a GRAND mother in you already! never say never right, maybe/hopefully one day things will change..

Take care

megsmomma

Backed...Thanks g-pa John! I know she is lucky to have many people that love her....and her mom is lucky to have found out the truth! Your grandkids are lucky to have a grampa that will love them unconditionally!

You know that scripture that talks about "no natural affection"? Doesn't that descibe the dubs to a tee?!

Gary.....I hope your son comes around. It is obvious that it hurts very much to miss a child.

daystar

Absolutely not! And waste years trying to appease a bunch of people, even family? I couldn't have done it.

Thankfully, I never got dunked. If I had been, I think the dynamics may have been different. Maybe fading would have been the option to take.

As it is, I was never baptised and I got out rather cleanly.

Do you really wish you could have faded?

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