Working on my mother who is in - trying to get her to talk to me.

Coronagirl

Hello all -

I havent posted here in a long time. I have been disassociated for 2.5 years and am doing really really well. It was rough at first but things leveled out and my daughter and I made it through.

My family (2 brothers - their families and a cousin and his family) all go to my mom's (she is a witness) house at least once a month for a "family" dinner. They all dont like going without me, and finally after all this time they are tired of her not letting me attend. She tries to have my 11 year old daughter come, but I dont think it is good for her to watch her mom excluded. My one brother told me I just need to show up to these dinners and my family will stick up for me when my mom tells me I cant attend. Well we tried it last night. My family was all sitting down for dinner (11 total), when my daughter and I rang the bell. My mom answered and told me to leave - said my daughter could stay. My brother told my mom to let me stay, and that everyone wanted me there. My mom said she will not get into trouble over "my lifestyle choices". My brothers got up and told her that they quit going too, when they were younger because they hated it. They said "why do you talk to us" ? Long story short - she was not budging. Everyone was so mad, they all got up and left. My mom came outside and said it is all my fault and that I am alienating her family from her. Of course - I said "see how it feels?" - Im not trying to hurt her, I didnt ask my family to get up and leave, I honestly thought if my family wanted me there, she would have to soften up.

Has anyone out there had any success in similar situations?

Thanks in advance for your help.

Becky in St. Petersburg, FL

megsmomma

First...welcome back :) Your mom is sooo much like other people's moms on the board. We pretty much just had a similar conversation on this(read my post about being stoned by family) I think they all review an article here about this...

http://www.jwfiles.com/no-dealings.htm ..They really feel that by talking to us, they are losing out on their "free gift" that costs so much. I wish I had some good advise for you....just know you are not alone!

unique1

Wow. Sorry to hear that she wouldn't budge. Perhaps though, it is time she got a taste of her own medicine. You are very fortunate that your other family memebers DO talk to you. Just focus on that. Maybe she will finally see fault with her reasoning. Doubtful, but he we can always hope. Best wishes and WELCOME TO THE BOARD!!!

Good Girl or Bad Girl?

Hi Coronagirl. Welcome to the board. I understand the pain you are feeling. So many on this board do. It's really sad and unfortunate, mostly because of how utterly unneccessary it is.

Sorry that I don't really know what to tell you to fix it. I just wanted you to know I can relate, unfortunately.

~GG/BG

Smiles_Smiles

My hearts goes out to you. There is nothing like when you really want to be accepted ... to be rejected by someone you love.

No advice ... just big bear hugs to you!!!

garybuss

Welcome Becky, Those who sit with a shunner and those who appreciate the shunner while the shunner is shunning you, are shunners too. My personal policy is to shun the shunners, so I'd have only gone to that dinner in my casket. The other family members who support the shunning are not worthy of you.

My life's a clock and I don't have time for bigots and blackmailers.

looking_glass

Well, why don't you invite all your family over to your house and exclude her. If your family members do not agree w/ her position then maybe they should say they feel "uncomfortable" with her decisions and cannot in good faith go to her house for dinner. Turn about is fair play in my book. But you know JWs, she will think that she is being persecuted for her faith and will become that much more resolved to "do what is right".

jgnat

I'd chalk up the experience to, "Now, THAT didn't work." At least your siblings know what you are up against.

My new motto is to take the high road, always. Since that disastrous dinner, I'd let it cool down for a while. Maybe try a post card or a letter in mid-January (not near any seasonal reminders). Did she ever depend on you for various errands? Maybe you could weasel in under "necessary family business."

FOR SURE don't let her split you and your daughter up. You're a package deal. If grandma is willing to give that all up, well......

parakeet

What garybuss said. There's no good reason to put yourself in a situation where you are actively shunned.

If my JW parents ever decide to shun me (fader, not DAed), that's the last they'll see of me until they start behaving like civilized human beings again.

jwfacts

It is great that some of your family stuck up for you. I do not know what will ever work with your mother. Maybe your brothers could organise family dinners with you, and then allow your mother to choose if she wants to come. Or they could just boycott the family dinners until she changes her mind. A lot of what your mother is doing is manipulation of you, and once she is on the receiving end she may change her stance.

I recommend you send her some information to show that disfellowshipping is wrong, just to get her thinking. There is a very detailed discussion at http://www.jwfacts.com/index_files/disfellowship.htm A letter outlining the following may help.

I would you say that you no longer believe that Jehovah directs the Watchtower Society, and that you will never be a JW, whether she shuns you or not, so not to think that shunning you will change things. Then mention that shunning is unchristian and misapplied by the Watchtower Society.

In 1 Corinthians Paul specifically says that shunning only applies to some who is calling themselves a brother, and you no longer are known as, or identify yourself as a 'brother or sister' of the Watchtower Society.

1Corinthians 5:11 “But now I am writing YOU to quit mixing in company with anyone called a brother that is a fornicator or a greedy person or an idolater or a reviler or a drunkard or an extortioner, not even eating with such a man. 12 For what do I have to do with judging those outside? Do YOU not judge those inside, 13 while God judges those outside? “Remove the wicked [man] from among yourselves.””

2 John only applies to the Antichrist, which you are not either.

2 John 7-11“7For many deceivers have gone forth into the world, persons not confessing Jesus Christ as coming in the flesh. This is the deceiver and the antichrist. 8 Look out for yourselves, that YOU do not lose the things we have worked to produce, but that YOU may obtain a full reward. 9 Everyone that pushes ahead and does not remain in the teaching of the Christ does not have God. He that does remain in this teaching is the one that has both the Father and the Son. 10 If anyone comes to YOU and does not bring this teaching, never receive him into YOUR homes or say a greeting to him. 11 For he that says a greeting to him is a sharer in his wicked works.“

Working on my mother who is in - trying to get her to talk to me.

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