The news I've been waiting almost 12 years to hear

Jesus Christ

So, I'm out of the organization and have been for about 7 years now but my parents and sister are still in. I'm about apostate as you can possibly get but for some reason my family still talks to me on pretty regular basis (note to all of you trying to leave out there, make the crazy cult issue your loved ones issue, its nothing for you to be ashamed of). I called my sister tonight to talk about work and it was one of the best conversations I've had in years.
It started off when I was talking about how I work with some JW's who know I'm a big evil apostate and are still friends with me. Turns out that while she still does believe quite a bit, there is a LOT that she doesn't believe but just goes along with it. I was ecstatic over that and then she started gossiping about people we knew and that's when I heard something I've been waiting for almost 12 years to hear.
Back when I was still a (mostly) good little JW going out in service and doing all the other great stuff that young JW's are supposed to do there was one elder that made my life, as well as my sister's life a pure, living hell. In one judicial committee that I got hauled in front of he rode me so much I would have killed myself when I got home he made me feel so bad but didn't because I knew how it would hurt my girlfriend. He was such an ass to my sister that the other elders told him to leave her alone because she was divorcing his buddy's alcoholic, abusive, cheating sun. I'm really not much of a person to carry grudges but in his case, that is the one person in my life who I will never forgive. So what was the news that my sister told me?
This elder is dying. Not just a thing where you can gradually fade away but a slow, painful, death. She didn't know all the details but did know that he has an inoperable brain tumor that's really savaging his body and doing it slowly. He was always on the heavier side and apparently he's rather skinny now with two exceptions. Somehow or another something has short circuited and he's grown huge man-breasts and is also dealing with breast cancer too. He's been sick for the past year or two and still has another year left of pain and suffering. I know I sound so cruel gleefully describing someone's death and if it were anyone else I would NEVER wish for something so horrible to happen to them but, as it stands, I can't think of a better person to die like this. It actually kind of disturbs me that I'm taking so much pleasure in another person's pain, suffering, and eventual death but I can't help it. I'm ecstatic.
I think it's wonderful that my sister hates so much about the org and she's beginning to see the truth about everything. I also am happy about that creature's slow and embarrassing demise. Tonight really is a good night to be me.

Jesus Christ

Oh yeah, I should also add that my boss just gave me over $700 worth of computer equipment today just because he's a nice guy and I'm a valued employee. Yeah, there are all kinds of other things that are pretty screwed up in my life but, man, some things are just pretty sweet right now.

lovelylil

I was the victim of sexual and physical abuse by my natural father for many years. Because of it I suffered most of my life, including now from depression and anxiety. I have post traumatic stress disorder and FMI disease. I was determined to HATE my father until his last breath and did not want to go see him in the hospital as he layed dying of cancer. But I am glad I did.

Seeing him lay there in pain and suffering, he looked like a wounded child. I could see the fear of death in his eyes and I tell you the truth that in that very moment - I totally forgave him for all he put me through. Not only that but I also would not have wished his death on anyone, not even my worse enemy which at the time was him.

I helped care for him in his hospital bed. I made arrangements for his funeral and paid for all of it myself. I buried him up here in MA so I could be close to his grave, and put him alongside my beloved mother. I realized soon after that this was the best thing I could have done - FOR ME, not for him. I don't even know if he appreciated anything I did for him in his last days or if he was coherent enough to feel remorse for what he had done for me.

But as for me, letting go of the anger and hurt that I carried around for so many years lifted such a great wieght off my shoulders. My conscience was totally clean and my heart was healed and filled with love. The gift I gave him by forgiving him was a gift that I reaped the benefits of. To tell you the truth, I realized too that he probably never lost one nights sleep worrying about me or what I was going thru due to his abuse nor did he probably care at all. But by forgiving him, I took my power away from him and returned it to myself. I no longer gave him permission to hurt me in any way. And I just let it go. For the first time in my life, I had true peace. And I found out that I was a much stronger and braver person than I ever thought I was.

When you continue to allow this "elder" to upset you or trudge up old hurts by thinking about him or wishing him harm, you are giving him power over you and you are hurting yourself. You should forgive him which does not mean to forget the wrong but don't allow him to hurt you or your family again. And you really should feel sorry for him. I bet you this, I don't know you or him but I have found in my case and many like it, that when people commit wrongs against others like this elder and my father, they usually die without many caring about them. I am sure there are many more who care for you than for this other person. Am I right? I bet I am. Many may attend his funeral out of respect for the family or support for them but how many really care about him? Or, are they secretly happy he is no longer around to cause harm? Think about it.

When my father died only two of us, me and my sister attended his service. And he had three sons, a mother, surviving brother, three sisters and a whole slew of other family members. But you know what, you have to give LOVE to recieve LOVE. And I firmly believe LOVE does conquer all things. Anyway, hope you don't find me too preachy. Just thought I would share my experience. I truly understand why you feel the way you do as I have been there. I hope you can heal too, Peace, Lilly

MinisterAmos

Send him a cheery note!

Something like "Hey Dude, remember me the Apostate? I'm healthy and happy and you've got cancer in your man-boobs! Not only that, but your gonna' die and the big J aint gonna save 'ya!"

That should cheer him up a bit

jwfacts

It is terrible, but I understand how you feel. I would feel like sending him a card to with

You were wrong about the new system arriving in your lifetime, you better hope you were not wrong about the resurrection.

Even if you do nothing, at least you know that unlike him you kept it real.

bebu

Vengeance is like very salty potato chips. They taste pretty good, but as soon as you quit you are dying of thirst. You feel compelled to keep eating even after they quit tasting good.

I found an interesting page full of excellent comments about the subject of forgiveness. Far better than anything I can quip up, read them here: http://www.forgivenessweb.com/RdgRm/Quotationpage.html

Hats off to lovelylil for that wonderful post. Lil, I hope the world follows your tremendous example.

JC, honestly, I hope you can enlarge your heart to forgive your enemy. There is no greatness of soul in hatred. Don't let your heart become brittle.

bebu

JWdaughter

I understand where you are coming from, and yet I can see from what you wrote that your feelings even surprise you-that you can hate that much. Someone was telling you of the value of forgiveness, and I think they are probably right. Your hate isn't making his day any harder, but I think you are inwardly cringing at how you are thinking about him. You can forgive him for what he did to you personally. You can HOPE that he comes to realize that he was a huge jerk and repents of it-I mean truly regrets it.

All that hate won't make his death harsher, but it will make your life harsher.

I am going to confess something. My son's dad (long story short-he hadn't married me legally as he was a bigamist) had been getting some dental care when he suddenly disappeared from my life when I was a few weeks pregnant(just found out) It wasn't drastic dental stuff, but I always had a niggling little "I hope his teeth just rot and fall out. I have been terrified of the dentist ever since. I have had teeth problems that I am afraid to have fixed. I have lived in actual physical pain because of an adult onset fear and aversion to dentists. And I know it came from my hateful and ugly attitude towards the man who had done something evil to me. Its my conscience-he can live with all that he did in reality to me-no problem. But the mental wish I had for him did him NO physical harm-it has only harmed me. I think this is a direct cause/effect thing in my life. (BTW, I have recently tried to overcome this and have gone to the dentist again-and explained to him my fear-of even 1-800-Dentist commercials) Which is just proof that all my craziness is not JW related:)!

rebel8

Personally I think forgiveness is not a requirement for your own wellness. It is a concept based in Xianity.

I submit that is a load of steaming caca.

And OP, I totally understand how you feel. It is a normal emotional reaction to the bad experiences you had in the past and does not make you a bad person.

Thoughts are just thoughts; feelings are just feelings. We should not fear our thoughts or feelings for any reason. It is our behavior we need to be concerned about, not thoughts and feelings. (The idea that feelings or thoughts are somehow immoral is a Xian/jw doctrine.)

crankytoe

I agree with what rebel8 said. I'd just like to add that hate is like love in that it has to run it's course before you can get over it. Sometimes you never do,

restrangled

Just goes to show....."What goes around comes around"

r.

The news I've been waiting almost 12 years to hear

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