Ex-JW Friends - Learning Who They Really Are

by Amazing 17 Replies latest jw friends

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  Amazing

  Nosferatu:

  When my REAL best friend encountered my former best friend, he pretended not to know him. THAT is what a good friend will do - stick up for you and protect you when you (or your family) is in danger.

  This is when I saw the difference between those on JWD that I thought were friends, and those that were. However, one good friend on JWD had the balls to correct me privately, and not in public when he was not able to openly defend me on a point. This allowed me to make corrections on my own with far less humiliation. he proved to be a good friend because he could disagree with me without kicking down in public.

  MeneMene:

  It is very frustrating when a good JW friend will be so friendly, but then the slightest disagreement of WTS publications, and zoom, they disappear. I hope that she will read what you sent and eventually come back to ask for more. That can be a sign that the person values the friendship and is worth keeping.

  Jim Whitney
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  unhappy

  I am in the process of fading, and I can echoe the sentiments of Bernadette. I can honestly say I don't miss anyone from the KH and in the last few years unless I've instigated contact I can go for weeks without hearing from anyone. During that time it really did show me who my true friends were (or weren't) as the case ay be. I was extremnely lonely during this time and it hurt a lot to know how little I really meant.

  Happier now
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  bebu

  I completely agree that friendship takes time, and there are many people I respect but with whom I am not "friends".

  The first time hosting an international student, I inadvertently created problems during a discussion about friendship. Our student said that she made friends with everybody, she liked everyone. I said that it usually took me a good year to feel like someone was a real friend. Unfortunately, she took that to mean that we were not going to be friends, and so we went thru several months of her acting "cold" until she explained how she interpreted that comment.

  One good simile I heard about friendship is that friends are like fellow travelers who meet as they walk toward a common goal. They have a shared value to discuss; their eyes look ahead as they walk, not (like lovers) looking into each other's eyes. They are truly companions.

  I'm sorry you had such a rough bout with posters here; I guess I missed all those threads. But I AM glad you came back here, because I have always enjoyed your posts, and I respect you a great deal.

  bebu
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  GermanXJW

  Truly spoken, my friend. ;-)
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  Sassy

  Excellent post.

  I have long felt that as JWs we were not truly given tools to create friendships. Not really. We were put together for meeting after meeting, field service after field service... and by being stuck together we made friends by association. We didn't learn how to find friends in other ways. Many xJWs when they leave, have difficulty at first making new friends. They are grieving over those we lost and have no real experience making new ones.

  Thankfully over time we do.

  I like your example of how even once we make friends, we still refine them over time.
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  toreador

  I really liked your post Jim.

  I kind of agree with Sassy. We have been out of the org for appx 5 yrs and have yet to make any really good friends outside of the org, of which we have no contact with now. It seems kind of weird associating with the world. I still find myself pulling back from really letting go, for some unknown reason. I wish I could flip a switch and be normal ;) like every one else. Does anyone know what I mean?

  Toreador
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  Outaservice

  Hey, I wanna be your friend too!

  Outaservice
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  outoftheorg

  Friends?

  I have friends. I have one that I can hardly tolerate. He knows everything! Anything I do, he corrects me and says he knows better.

  He criticizes everyone and I am sure he criticizes me. The odd thing is that he is very gifted in many ways. He boldly told me that he does not have sex with his wife and said "ask her if you don't believe me" something I refused to do. This is why I call him numb nuts.

  The odd thing is that if I needed help, he would be the first person there. If he needed help I may not be the first there but I would be there. Through him I have met a few other guys and I find them to all be odd or different.

  The other day one of them told me that I was "different", damn I guess I fit right in.

  Outoftheorg