Well, it's good to know what the Watchtower's priorities are these days. They're facing dwindling numbers in the industrialized nations, a growing number of child abuse lawsuits, a pedophile database of over 23,000 members just waiting to be exposed, and what do they have on the front page of their website?
PHONE SEX!!
Imagine the shock, the scandal. Is it true? Is this what those worldies are up to now? Imagine two people saying sexually explicit things to each other on the telephone. This is really a sign of the times. Armageddon is just around the corner!
Reading this article would suggest that the watchtower has just discovered this. I find it hard to believe I'm even writing these words. So here we go, feel free to dim the lights, put on some romantic music, find that someone special and light some candles (EEEK! Pagans!) and welcome to The Watchtower After Hours...
Ah, to be young and in love. Imagine calling your significant other and talking for hours with not a care in the world. It's new, it's exciting, your conversation starts to heat up. Your feeling like you're in for one special night when suddenly,
BEEP!! It's the call waiting, and guess who's on the other end? It's the Coalition of Secret Elder Police Designed ToPrevent and Punish Phone Sex! Here is your spiritual food free of charge from the loving mother organization:
http://www.watchtower.org/e/20040222b/article_01.htm#fn2src
These quotes are truly priceless:
"PHONE SEX," according to one well-known American magazine, "has replaced the love letter as the preferred means of romantic communication for couples who find themselves apart."
And just what might this "well known American magazine" be? Of course, there's no answer to be found. But wait! There's more!
What is phone sex? It involves talking about or listening to explicit erotic matters on the phone.* Those engaging in the practice often masturbate to relieve their arousal. Whether the obscene talk takes place between courting couples or between strangers, phone sex is alarmingly popular. In fact, some are openly advocating it.
"It's the safest sex you can have," claims one woman. Apparently, quite a few agree with her. For instance, in October 2000, in response to an increase in HIV infections, a group of Russian health experts took out newspaper advertisements to promote telephone sex.
I love how they put a footnote explaining what phone sex is, as if the readers are too stupid to figure it out for themselves. And again they quote an anonymous woman without explaining who she is, where she is, when she said this, who she said it to, and why she said it. And forget trying to determine who the "Russian health experts" are. Gee, is it possible these sources are completely fabricated? Of course not! Our "Faithful-and-Loving-Spirit-Directed-Organization-of-Jehovah-andLoving-Bride-of-Christ-Who-Dispenses-Food-At-The-Proper-Time" would never tell a lie!
"Telephone sex, however, teaches one to indulge, rather than control, one's sexual impulses. More than that, it promotes a degrading, distorted view of the opposite sex."
Oh really? I'm sorry, I was laboring under the delusion that my view of the opposite sex was determined by myself in my own brain. What was I thinking? I was forgetting that the elders and the org have not only pre-determined what my actions will be, they know what I'm thinking and what I'm about to say before I do! And they've also predetermined what my punishment will be!
"Telephone sex is one of the means that Satan the Devil is using to corrupt young ones today"
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Careful boys and girls, no naughty talking allowed! 'Pummel Your Body'(Gee, that's a good thing to say when you're trying to stop the hanky panky) Telephone sex can become addictive. We need to 'pummel our body and lead it as a slave' in order to meet Jehovah's approval. ( 1 Corinthians 9:27 ) If you are currently engaging in telephone sex, why not get some help? Telling your Christian parents would be a good start. Yes, they may well be upset with you. But they may also be in the best position to help monitor your behavior so that you don't have a relapse. The elders in your local congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses will also be willing and able to help out. Oh, yes by all means tell your parents about having phone sex! But don't ever mention Elder von Pedophile, or Brother ClammyHands, or CO McNails-His-Students! If you are courting, be determined to remain chaste, even when talking on the phone. An engaged Christian woman named Leticia says: "My fiancé and I have read together Bible-based articles on staying chaste. We appreciate the way they have helped us maintain a clean conscience." Have the courage to change the topic if your talk becomes suggestive. Consult together about the need to keep your conversations clean. Look at this clean Christian young man who has conquered the demonic possessions that drove him to his unGodly addiction to phone sex. What's that you say? He's a paid model that has no idea what he's posing for!? Shame on you! You are not an honest hearted true believer! | |||||
For more spiritual food to brighten your soul and earn you thousands of hours in psychotherapy, see the related story on the dangers of cell phones. http://www.watchtower.org/e/20021022/article_01.htm Scroll down to the bottom of the page and read footnote number three about the article entitled, "Young People Ask—What's Wrong With Talking to Each Other?" Haven't you heard, talking to each other leads to unclean habits and spoils your bible trained conscience! I hope you've enjoyed tonight's edition of The Watchtower After Hours. This program has been sponsored by Prozac, serving the faithful Witnesses of Jehovah since 1914. Remember, all you young men and women, before you engage in your own little ar-ma-get-it-on phone session, the watchtower is watching you. Anitar | |||||