Okay--I think I've got it this time. I want to start this thread, but my relevant postings are already under Child Sex Abuse "Cary Verse Arrested Again" and under Friends "Sex Abuse of Wives" as well as Scandals and Cover-ups "Psychopath murderer"-something. Please, if you are interested, read those postings then continue the thread by replying here (under Scandals and Cover-ups). Just to rein it in and make it easier. Sorry about that! Thanks.
sex abuse of wives
by J-ex-W 36 Replies latest watchtower scandals
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rebel8
http://www.jehovahs-witness.com/8/124464/2210537/post.ashx#2210537
It sounds like you have taken a lot of steps already, but as in many cases, justice eludes.
I think your efforts to increase awareness of this issue are important. People need to realize how dangerous this cult is. Although the org certainly doesn't tell men to do these things, its teachings about the value of women as well as the culture of silence contribute greatly to the conditions necessary to enable these criminals to thrive.
All the best to you.
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Gill
Hi J-ex-W!
I'm so sorry for your experiences with your abusive husband.
I believe that somewhere, in a Watchtower mag, the bOrg has in fact said in a round about way that forced sex in a marriage is rape, but they put the consequences, and any hopes of justice in the hands of God on judgment day. I'm not sure if this mag was in the late 1980's or 90's.
Certainly, the whole structure of the male dominant relationship given credence to by religions does allow abuse to take place with no repurcussions for the man involved. In the end, escape is the only option for most women and we have to at least be glad that refuges do exist and that secular society does not agree with the view of Fundamentalist religions!
I hope life is improving for you and hope to read more of your posts.
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Lady Lee
I think the greatest excuse for the sexual abuse of wives is the strongly enforced scriptures requiring the wife to give "the due" to their husbands. The use of the "marital due" clause allows uncaring, inconsiderate men to demand their "due" regardless of feelings, exhaustion, illness, or any other reason a woman might have for "not tonight"
My elder husband demanded his "due" regardless of any of the above including doctors orders (high risk pregnancy) ansd me wearing a cervical collar for 6 weeks.
He would quote scripture after scripture about loving his wife as himself meant getting his "due" and since he wanted to love himself he needed me to have sex so he could fulfill scripture Or some other such nonsense.
Even after we separated and had separate homes he wanted to come over for the "due" visit since it was still my responsibility.
My way out of this was to either die or commit adultery. Well I'm still here but I got my escape and he STILL wanted me to perform the due.
No way No how. I was outta there
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unhappy
I'm really sorry to hear about your experiences at the hands of this monster. Thank you for sharing your story, I think it's way couragous of you and I hope that it does make a difference and that more people can see that this is not an ok way to act towards anyone!
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truman
I am glad to see someone mention this problem because it is one that mostly gets passed by. I too was a sexually abused JW wife--for over 25 years. As was mentioned by others, it mattered not whether I was ill, exhausted, in late pregnancy, having menstrual cramps, a yeast infection, or any other 'excuse'. My husband had an insatiable sex drive, and since 'rendering him his due' was my scriptural obligation, I was at his mercy. I have to say that my husband is not an evil man, just a weak and selfish one, but backed by the authority of 'Jehovah', he became abusive to me in this way.
Eventually, I left the JWs (about five years ago), and I finally managed to get enough spine to insist that the sexual manipulations stop (his tool of choice was emotional blackmail, and I was a person who withered under disapproval). We are still married, and we have to deal with the aftermath of this long and painful history.
For me, the result is living as a virtual sexual cripple; my sexuality has been ruined. I cannot imagine having feelings for him in that way ever again, and I can barely stand for him to touch me, even casually. For him it is knowing this distance between us is largely of his own making. We are doing the best we can, and there are other things in the marriage that do make the effort tolerable. Part of that is seeing his genuine regret over what he did to me and his acceptance of the consequences.
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information=power
The article the Watchtower published on this appeared in the March 8, 1993 Awake Magazine. It stated it in the footnote on page 3 or 4 as follows: "Marital rape occurs when a husband overpowers his wife and forces himself on her sexually. Some husbands may believe that the “authority” the apostle Paul says a man has over his wife’s body is absolute. However, Paul also stated that “husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies.” The apostle Peter states that husbands should assign wives “honor as to a weaker vessel, the feminine one.” That leaves no room for violence or forced sex.—1 Corinthians 7:3-5; Ephesians 5:25, 28, 29; 1 Peter 3:7; Colossians 3:5, 6; 1 Thessalonians 4:3-7." I personally know of one husband that was doing this to his wife in my last Cong.
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Lady Lee
information=power
Paul also stated that “husbands ought to be loving their wives as their own bodies.”
An abusive person will find a way to use this to meet his own agenda. In my husband's case he wanted to show how much he loved me and could only do that through sex.
Oh and I had an extra bonus; he worked in photography and wouls come home and tell me how hard it was to not jump these women. I should be thankful he saved it for me
I kid you not. I only wish I was kidding.
He was one of those JWs who could cite any scripture when needed. So whatever I may throw out he always had another to negate mine.
It took me 15 years and my planned suicide to realize I had to get out
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Abandoned
(((J-ex-W)))
It's too bad you had to go through such humiliation. I wish you the strength you need to deal with this.
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Rebirth
((HUGS))
I'm so sorry that you had to go through what you did. JW's don't value women anymore then animals. I believe there was an actual Watchtower article that compared women to cows. Your ex was treating you like he'd been taught to treat women.
The crazy thing to me is that we sat back and took it for so long. There was this line in the movie Titanicin which Rose said that she felt like she was standing in a crowded room screaming at the top of her lungs and not one person flinched. We all felt like we were "settling." We felt like we should put up with it for the greater good. Inside though, we were dying and that knot in the bottom of our stomach wouldn't go away no matter how many times we tried to tell ourselves that we were valued.
My heart goes out to you as you slowly heal from such a painful experience. There is a beautiful life after JWs. You will get through this and you will be a stronger woman because of it. If you choose to do so, there will be plenty of kind, gentle-hearted men out there who will treat you like royalty.
Here's to new beginnings,
Rebirth