I just got one of *those* calls from my son's school

by daystar 37 Replies latest social family

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  Why Georgia

  My oldest son is almost 7. His impulse control is getting stronger, thankfully. But ages 4 to now have been hard because sometimes he will just do things that I cannot understand. I'm not saying he is mentally ill or crazy....just completely living in the now.

  I think its important to deal with each thing individually. It's good he has to take responsibility for his actions.

  I think a lot of this is just what kids do...as I said they are living in the now. If it feels good, seems interesting or fun, etc.....just do it!

  I think with my son at least he is finally doing some critical thinking....like if I try to jump my scooter off that ramp, I might get hurt.

  Good luck and enjoy your son!

  Chrystal
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  lovelylil

  Daystar,

  You are a really good parent and handled it very well. Give yourself a pat on the back! Now, brace youself because when they get older, the problems only get bigger. Enjoy your son at this age. Mine are teens and YIKES! it can get scary some days. But Love gets you through it. Glad it ended on a good note. Lilly
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  diamondblue1974

  For my part, it's helpful for me to have some perspective, that my son is not unusual in this sort of thing. (LOL! OMG! What is wrong with him? He's going to be a criminal! He's going to be an outcast! Oh the horror! Of course, I'm exaggerating, but you understand.)

  LOL I would be surprised if you couldnt surpress a smile in a private moment when you think of your sons antics, I know I think I would have a problem not laughing out loud (obviously not infront of him).

  I remember being a kid and doing equally stupid things- its only later I discover that despite me getting a bollocking, I was secretly the source of some hilarity.

  Sounds like you have a great relationship with the little man....cherish it.
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  Oroborus21

  It sounds like, he was outside, etc. and that throwing a stick itself would not have got him in trouble. (unless you are one of those crazy moms that never think it is appropriate to throw anything)

  The problem is that he hasn't learned to LOOK before he throws something. That is the lesson he needs to learn.

  Thus, my suggestion is to teach him to always LOOK before he throws anything and to teach him to have better aim so he should practice throwing a football, ball, etc....yeah seriously.

  -Eduardo
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  diamondblue1974

  my suggestion is to teach him to always LOOK before he throws anything and to teach him to have better aim so he should practice throwing a football, ball, etc....yeah seriously.

  Or....

  You could take him outside the local kingdom hall and have him throw half bricks at elders; he might improve his aim LOL

  Moving targets are the best practice.

  DB74
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  Oroborus21

  seriously diamond,

  she has a good teaching opportunity here.

  the lesson isn't that he shouldn't ever throw sticks. there are times when it could be appropriate (e.g. playing catch with a dog for example).

  the lesson is that he should learn to think a moment before acting (and if possible to think about consequences of his action). if she can in some way get him to start thinking before he does some big action like throwing, running, jumping. etc. even for a second that lesson will translate across all kinds of situations for his good. especially being energetic in character, he needs to learn to pause a moment and think about things before he acts.

  help him to appreciate that he needed to run through some questions first. Such as where he was throwing it? Whether it was good to throw it in the first place? and of course If he had looked to make sure that he wouldn't anyone or anything with the stick..he would have avoided any trouble and wouldn't be in trouble.

  writing papers or being punished isn't going to help him learn that lesson.

  -eduardo
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  Scully

  My, my, my.... how things have changed.....

  When I was five years old, sticks were meant for throwing. Just not at people or objects of value. The school I went to bordered a large forested area, and we were always throwing sticks and rocks back into the woods over the fence. One kid used to bring his dog to school at recess (he lived around the corner) and we'd throw sticks for the dog to fetch.

  I think you're doing the right thing sitting down with your son and finding out what was happening - from his perspective - that led up to the stick-throwing incident. It helps kids to know that you aren't just punishing them without being interested in the facts. My folks' motto seemed to be "smack first, ask questions later (maybe)"... all that does is create angry kids who feel that they are not being heard.

  At the age of five, it's hard to weigh the benefit of a week-long grounding + TV ban + computer ban against an impulsive one time stick throwing incident. That may be a tad harsh, especially if he's usually a really terrific kid as you described. What works quite well for my kids (we started doing this when they were around 10, mind you) is to set a time limit for the grounding (a week, for example) and then allow them an opportunity to earn a reduced sentence so to speak. In your son's case, if he completes the letter of apology and the time-outs at school, you could reduce total time grounded to 5 days instead of a week. Also, make sure the grounding is not punitive to you or your spouse. [The TV and computer stay off when your son is awake and at home - is that workable? Can your family have an alternate activity in lieu of TV and/or computer time?] The term "grounded to the parent" allows for the child to accompany you or mom on an errand. Mr Scully's idea of grounding used to be comparable to "house arrest" - the child couldn't leave the house, except for school - which was a real pain in the butt for me if I had things that I needed to do - it was like I was grounded too. It inevitably caused a lot of strife and of course, it wasn't practical, so it didn't work effectively. Now that you've grounded him for the week, though, you're kind of committed to follow through, but try to keep your options open if something like this happens again.
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  darkuncle29

  I think you've got the right idea so far, and the fact that you're aware of not taking it too far.
  
  It might be a nice thing to take your son to a park with water, and let him throw sticks or rock in the water. That is a safer, stick friendly place. Now if there are people or animals in the water, then teaching him not to throw anything at that time is important, depending on his age, he may be ready to start to learn how to think before he acts.
  
  I guess what I'm saying is that throwing sticks or rock is not bad; depending on time and place.