Lost and looking for answers (page 3)

Legolas

I need some kind of beleif system or faith in something.

Believe in yourself!

Welcome to the board!

sass_my_frass

Far east, what an unholy hell you have been through! Welcome to the board...

I believe in humans; their strength and resilience, and their capacity to love and forgive. I haven't seen God in action, and if he's out there, we're not his primary concern. Still, it's so great to be alive that I don't care much how it happened.

Look after yourself and the people you care about. Look after strangers sometimes too. That's the belief that has worked for me recently.

NanaR

"I love God and all his beautiful creations around us. I need some kind of beleif system or faith in something. I don't want to be controlled and told what to do anymore. Please help me I feel I am starting over at 40."

LynnTink,

Your story is very moving. I am so sorry for all that you have had to endure!

I can empathize with your "lost" feeling. I was raised a JW and never knew anything else. So when I started moving away from the "organization" (I was in my 40s at the time), it was really hard for me to come to terms with what were MY foundation values.

At the time (mid 1990s) I had only one really good friend who was not a JW. He was my boss, and he was a very devout Christian (Disciples of Christ). After talking with him a bit, not about religion but just about life in general, I found out that HIS core value was the phrase "First, do no harm" that is part of the oath doctors take.

What a revolutionary idea, I thought, to consider first what possible harm could come as a result of things we do!

Now, at least ten years later, I have finally started reading the Bible again. I am reading the Gospels at present, and dwelling on the words of Jesus recorded there. Putting aside all questions of doctrine, such as Trinity or God-in-the-flesh or whatever, good men and women of all ages have found strong moral and ethical values in the gospels. I also decided that I NEEDED to pray, so I began that process by simply reciting the Lord's Prayer as one might teach a child to do.

After calling myself an "ethical heathen" for many years, I am only now finding a spiritual life. I say "only now" because as a "cradle JW" I was really only taught to "reason" on religion. I don't remember ever being taught how faith was supposed to FEEL. For me, right now, faith is becoming a personal connection and identification with Jesus' words recorded in the Bible. I am starting to sense the emotional meaning of unconditional love.

If you are having trouble with the first commandment to "Love God" (I know I did, I wasn't even sure he existed as I felt betrayed by "his" people), then you may find it helpful to go directly to the second, "Love your neighbor as yourself". You may find, as I have, that there are many truly good and kind people in the world as a whole, and by showing love TO them you can receive much love FROM them. And I really have come to feel in my heart of hearts that it is through the love of those around us that GOD (whoever or whatever he/she may ultimately be) speaks to us.

I wish you well on your journey.

Ruth aka NanaR

Billzfan23

What a great story! And I don't mean great in that the things that happened to you were not traumatizing, I mean GREAT in that you have decided for yourself that you don't want to feel bad any longer. That is the first step in breaking free, and I am not talking about breaking free from a cult or a bad group - but breaking free from a pattern of feeling guilty and feeling judged all of the time. I absolutely wish you nothing but the best - your story is very touching and sad, but not unlike a lot of others here on the board and certainly not unlike what others have witnessed in their own congregations. You have a TON of life left to live, so let it start today!

diamondblue1974

Welcome to the forum Lynn; historically you have had a hell of time of it and its no wonder you feel the way you do about the witnesses.

What I found was fantastic nearly two February's ago is that I thought I was unique in my experiences; what I learned however is that whilst ultimately our experiences are unique they are not that dissimilar.

Hope you find what you are looking for.

Gary

Lady Liberty

Dear Lynn,

First I want to say I am so glad you found this forum!! You will find strength and friendship here. You have been through so very much!! Heres (((HUGS))) for you!!

Your story is so touching, I don't know what to say, but you must be one heck of a strong person!! Please continue to hang in there!! I promise there is hope and you can have faith, WITHOUT the organization!! I know it may seem scarey, and lonely right now, but you have come to the right place for support and love!

I too am your age, and up until a couple of years ago was VERY strong in the organization. I was also raised in the organization, and never imagined myself out. But through a series of events I began to question things and the answers kept on not adding up. I prayed and prayed for the truth no matter what it was. So I began my journey of deep research. There is much still to examine, but I have finally reached a place that I feel I can have faith again. So hang in there, it is possible. You are not alone, and you will find many here that can relate to one or more of your experiences.

Sincerely Your friend,

Lady Liberty

Abandoned

First of all, welcome to the forums. There are all kinds here but we've all been through some jw hell.

So that is my story. My problem is I think I have lost faith in everything, but I have two wonderful boys I have to be strong for and help make the right decisions for. I no longer agee with alot of the thing JW do anymore. My life would have been so much better without this religion in my life, but my family and friends are mostly JWs. A few years have past and I have been inactive for over a year now. I love God and all his beautiful creations around us. I need some kind of beleif system or faith in something. I don't want to be controlled and told what to do anymore. Please help me I feel I am starting over at 40.

I congratulate you. You survived with your love of god. Right now, I can't honestly say the same thing and I'm not ever going to do anything ever again just to please someone else. Never. So, I'm happy that you have that as I kind of want to love god, but I kind of want to tell him where to go a lot too. Anyway, I'm glad you are taking charge of your life. If I may, let me suggest a couple of books that you may or may not already have read: Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franzand Combatting Cult Mind Control by Steven Hassan. They will both help you to realize what's happened to you by the jw.

I would also like to mirror a couple of the posters above me and say to avoid organized religion for awhile. Those rebound things never work anyway. I hope I get to the point to where I can think warm thoughts about the mind behind cats and chocolate and mountains and sunsets. I know the potential exists but the desire doesn't. Anyway, since you have that, don't give that up to some other religion. Appreciate all the beauty and know that you are part of that. Once you start introducing rules and regulations and meeting times, I think you push out god.

Cindyrenee

I am so very sorry that you have had to endure such horrible things. You are alive and have the rest of your life ahead of you to be happy, and in control of your own future. I believe the elders keeping things quiet is the only way they can control. If your Dad would have been corrected for beating your Mom, your life may have take a different turn. Elders have much blood on their hands. I wish the whole world knew these stories. I can't stand the pain they cause innocent people. Reading the posts here will help you realize you are not alone. There are good people, who really care about YOU.

itsallgoodnow

something I've been thinking about a lot lately....

When I founjd out the truth about the witnesses, I thought I had all the answers. I thought the JWs were the reason for all the crap in my family. What I'm finding out, is my family was crap for other reasons, and the JW thing just made the crap seem to smell ok. There is mental illness in my family. THAT's the real problem. JW's are just a part of it. There was abuse in my family. My family is SOOOO screwed up and nothing will ever make it ok. Thinking it was the JWs fault was a mistake I have made. They were only a part of the problem, or, they only made the problems worse.

We just need to find a way to make peace with our past, and if it's family, it's always going to be around, make peace with the fact that each and every person must put in the work to improve themselves and get past it. You can't beat yourself up for what others are doing, just take responsibility for yourself now and in the future, and protect your kids from those things.

Take your time, too. It doesn't all fit together easily and in a short time. Cults make everything look easy, but there are no easy answers. Give yourself a break from religion for a while, and give yourself time to search.

Good luck!

Cordelia

WELCOME LYN

HUGS

I'M SORRY FOR WHAT YOU'VE HAD TO GO THRU, IT'S HARD WHEN YOUR MAIN FRIENDS ARE JWS, BUT I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND FRIENDS HERE WHO WILL HELP YOU TO STAY DETERMINED IN WHAT YOU'VE DECIDED TO DO, I KNOW I HAVE X

Lost and looking for answers

Share this