Teenagers 1st X-mas. How do I explain?

miss_fortunate_one

If any of you have read my previous posts, you have seen that after 15 years of JH life, my kids have come to live with me. I myself am not a christian, I have another faith but, I follow the traditions of Christmas along with my family. Now that my kids are with me, I am having a hard time trying to tell them what Christmas is all about. There are so many Pagan themes that go along with the celebration of the birth of Jesus. I don't know where to begin one and end the other. I want the kids to enjoy this Christmas and get a sense of what it is all about without sounding like a complete idiot. My world has been so different from theirs and there are so many things that neither of us understand about the other. I don't want to push them in any direction that they are not comfortable with. They rarely talk of being a witness. I have caught my daughter crying because of the guilt and I don't know what to say to her except I love her and I am here for her. I know it will get better as time goes by. No matter how confused any of us are, we are all very happy to be togather again.

mrsjones5

Oh goody. There's a few good Christmas threads going. I'm sure someone can point you to them. And I think someone mentioned Romans 14:5-7, that might be a good place to start.

Merry Christmas!

jayhawk1

As a person raised in it all my life only to get out at age 25, I suggest this...

Get them a nice thoughtful gift or two for Christmas. Wrap it like always, give it to them either on or a day or two before Christmas. I truly suggest a day or two earlier just in case they may be shy about celebrating a "pagan" holiday. If they are into it, great, if not, that's okay too.

JWs are taught to let each one do acording to his abilities. I say that works for this as well. Let them accept the holiday acording to their own comfort.

FlyingHighNow

I'd say, "Kids, it's time to start living. You've got a lot of living to do and it starts now." I'd tell them all roots of Christmas. And by the way, early Christians viewed evergreen as standing for everlasting life. It was not a pagan adoption to them.

Things can be rocky at first. I took in my grandkids this year and they were never JW's. But the adjustment has not been easy or smooth. It is getting much easier by the week.

Check out Bye, Bye Birdie with Ann-Margret and let them watch the song where they sing, "Gotta A Lotta Livin' To Do." Tell them life doesn't have to be miserable and any god worth serving wouldn't expect it to be. Even a Christian god.

mrsjones5

Maybe watch a few christmas programs together. I know they're teenagers but they might enjoy watching The Grinch or Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer, something along those lines. Something fun. Maybe bake some cookies.

fullofdoubtnow

Hi miss_fortunate_one, and welcome.

I am happy for you that you have your children with you, that must be a real blessing for you and them, now they are away from the destructive jw cult.

You are right regarding your daughter, the guilt that goes hand in hand with indoctrination as a jw does pass in time, I can personally testify to that, as can many others here. Of course, being raised as jws, they will have been told that Christmas is a "worldly" celebration, and not for jws that want to please jehovah, so I can understand how difficult it would be trying to explain why you are not governed by those rules.

My advice would be to keep things fairly low key this first year, but make sure they realise it is quite normal to celebrate holidays, especially Christmas, and that most people do so, jws are the exception, not the rule. Maybe you could tell them what you have normally done at Xmas, and give them the choice as to whether they join in or not. That way, you aren't forcing them to do things your way. Whatever happens, I hope you all have a wonderful time together, both this year and in the future.

Linda

OnTheWayOut

Mine is just an opinion. I hope some others can help here.

IMO, tell them that the world (including non-Christians) celebrates the birth
of Christ at this particular time of year, so we are free to join them.
The world in general is not very religious about the matter. They forgot what
the original intent of their holiday is. Still, they know that they need help
beyond what Men can do. They have hope that things will get better.
Christmas is one time of the year when their hopes are focused and many of
the people of the world are able to put their differences aside.
If they are able to put theirs aside, we can celebrate that.

We hope for the best for the future, we continue to look for the higher powers
that will cause the world to be a better place- People all focus their hopes at
this time of year, and try to put aside their differences. We will join them this
year. Perhaps we won't put a tree up in the living room or lights outside, but
we can all exchange presents- we don't even have to wait for Dec. 25th.

Please, others, it sounds like this mom wants what's best for her kids. They
are pretty old, but warped by WTS. What u say?

OnTheWayOut

BTW, I just read your few posts on your story before posting my thoughts.
Congratulations on getting your kids out of there.
No matter what did happen to them, they are better off out of the influence
of the WTS followers.

If you were the only person this JWD forum ever helped, it would still be a
great success story. Just as they think they can help people one
literature student at a time, I have hope that the anti-JW websites and books
and people will continue to help one person at a time.

miss_fortunate_one

When the kids left they were not allowed to take anything with them. So, for X-mas my sister in law gave my daughter a gift card to a major department store. While there shopping a lady told my daughter that she was the same size as her daughter-in-law and would this and that fit her. She told my daughter that they were all going to a Christmas party. Then she proceeds to ask her what she would wear to a Christmas party. At first my daughter acted offended and then she realized that there was no one around to criticise her. Savannah jumped right in and started to really enjoy it. She was looking at all the pretty holiday dresses. It felt wonderful to see her eyed beeming. The kids don't seem to have a problem receiving gifts. They are very excited about it all. I just feel the need to explain things to them and sound like I am making some sence of it all. For the first time in their lives they watched a Christmas show. Frosty it was. They also sat and watched a horror movie which they were never allowed to do. They are adjusting, it will all take time. I think what pains them the most is that they can not be part of their old family without being a witness. This hurts me too. In time, I know

OnTheWayOut

I am sorry I read your story now. I wish I read it another time. I need to go to the
meeting now, so that I can slowly fade from the ridiculous religion that would tell
my wife and mother to shun me if I stop believing in it. I am kind of choked up
about your story, and I will look around the Kingdom Hall at the children and teens
all being warped by the speaker and their parents tonight.

I am happy to see your family adjusting. Don't get me wrong. It's just making it
tougher for me to continue the pretending. I am certain that I will be silent tonight.

It's not a happy ending yet, but it's a great beginning for your story.

Teenagers 1st X-mas. How do I explain?

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