by restrangled 49 Replies latest jw friends
Blondie, I was just going to say that for the first time my eyes have been opened to the pressures for men in this religion. As a woman it was basically the time we were putting in service, but I never realized how much stress was being felt by our male counterparts.
How horrible this must be/or have been for you guys.
Thanks for posting.
r.
This has been an interesting thread..I was an Elders Brat..I saw much..There were a lot of jerks..There were decent people..It seems the decent Elders were shut down or had to quit..The rest are still there trying to make peoples lives better,or worse,in a no win situation...OUTLAW
As an eleven year elder I'll tell you mine:
Power (already said by many). Some of it to help others, but also the promise of being a prince in the "new world."
Approval (You are king of the mountain even if your mountain is very small) The approval is from everyone including God. Remember the WT makes it sound as if a brother doesn't "reach out" God will be displeased with him.
Ignorance. WT never tells you how much work it is. And most start too young to have enough life experience to figure that out for themselves. Remember the unofficial age is 28, some get appointed at 25.
tsof
Many thanks, ithinkisee:
- I now at last understand what it was that drove me on to "Reach Out", as they say in JW Speak
i.e. the (desparate) need for approval.
Finally-Free and Blondie:
I (unfortunately) know only too well what you are saying - how men are held in contempt once they have been "In the truth"/ (in the lie?) ten years or more and hold no position.
Christian love at work?
-like #@$%^ing Hell it is!
Jack.
Just like anything else in the cult. While you are growing up you are told that you should want to be an elder just like you should enjoy going in service and feel privileged to clean the KH. So when you are asked to be an elder you feel you should want to and that if you don't you are going to look bad. Plus there is the prestige comparison with other people, always keeping up with joe publisher. Younger men might think it will help them land a better bride, afterall theocratic is better than being a looker right =P
It all kind of fell into my lap at age 25, far too young as was already mentioned. I was too brainwashed to say no. In all honesty I was doing fine as an MS and I wasnt even reaching out persay.... It was because I was pioneering at the time and the cong. had a need I guess. Now I want out so bad but I know it will knock down our social status in the cong and my wife cant bear to have that happen. So I stay for that reason. Pretty sad huh??
For me, being raised a JW, I know I was groomed from the time I was baptized. The pressure to achieve status in the congregation, first a MS, then an elder is very real. Of course, at the time, I was really thinking I was doing Gods will and that I was helping. I never once lobbied anyone to do anything and was frankly shocked when approached to be an elder. I really didn't get much of a chance to say no. They talked to me right before the meeting that it was announced and that was it.
I do know several folks that actually did lobby and I always viewed them as being power hungry. I also know many who won't do anything unless it puts them in front of the congregation (actually these are the same folks that lobbied).
They really don't tell you the amount of work that is expected. You think you know, but the reality is eye opening. I've had several sleepless nights worrying about folks. Been in really bad moods due to something going on at the hall but unable to tell my wife what was wrong. Had months were I had a meeting part every single meeting or meetings after meetings. Then, there is the elder schools where to a person that actually cares just a little, they beat you and tell you how awful you are, how you're letting God down. I was usually depressed right after those schools and we always had at least one person try to step down because they didn't think they could measure up.
I've obeserved and its certainly true in my case, that the only way you can cope with the constant barrage of problems (many caused by the WT approach of grinding folks into the ground) is to not feel. Yet, a successful shepherd has to feel. I really believe that is why many step down because they're forced to emotionally distance themselves from the congregation and the stress of doing so becomes too great.
The ones that are left often are the ones who love the power, the prestige, the attention and in their minds the superiority they have over the other males. It's a sick game and the machine is the only winner.
My JW husband was kind of like a career soldier. He took every assignment handed to him as from Jehovah himself. His faith in the org was/is unwaivering. Of course his accepting every assignment was one of the aspects of our marriage that caused me so much suffering and neglect. I was expected to soldier on too.
The problem was no one told me I was signing up for the military when I married him.
We were used to the max in the Congregation for 15 years until he stepped down when I left the house and the org. All his brothers, three of them, are still P.O.s in their respective halls.
The last I heard he was serving as a ministerial servant in charge of talk scheduling. He may again be an elder by now.
Anewme
I saw what was coming when I was an MS and said no.
I knew I would not fit the mold that was expected.
Shortly thereafter, I moved, missed a lot of meetings and never was reappointed.
It has worked out well.
Rub a Dub
Same with me I was asked to be an MS. I had a good chance of making elder I was friends with the PO. but I felt unworthy.
<------------- hint why ( assuming I kept the same or simular pic up if not read bio in profile. )
I then notice that I was no longer asked to do anything or invited along with my mother ( thank god the only family I have in side ) to anything.
