What if....?

coolhandluke

As always when talking to my brother I come to a higher state of awareness. At eight years my senior, he challenges and prods me. I need that from time to time to keep me honest. We talked this morning.

I asked him if it bothered him that his mother was trapped in a concept. He said that he wasn't because its all down to perception. The collaborative thought became that this life is all about perception the idea that the betterment of ones self is all down to the eyes. If my mother believes wholeheartedly that she is doing the right thing and in that hurts no one and even helps them to have in some ways a higher quality of life, is she to be faulted? Part of me says no, other parts of me yes.

If my mother gains the entire world as convert yet loses her last born, her most heavily trained child to a perverted concept of "love", then really what has she gained? I allow my mother to continue her existence in ignorance because she seems to need it. My mother is a bible Ninja. She will dismantle you with her NWT, mixed with a bit of selective reasoning and creative wit.

The question is what if its okay? What if I just allow her to be? She's safe, focused, goal oriented and proud of her accomplishments. My mother is not a stupid person. She chooses her life based on what she thinks she'll gain from it. Her ignorance is self imposed but that ignorance is her happiness. Who am I to take it from her?

But what if thats okay?

SB

I think as a former JW, we are taught to put conditions on accepting people's choices. while it is sad that your mother, as so many JW's, would give up a child in the name of their religion, the fact that you love your mother so much that you see it would be mentally devastating if she were to realize the untruths about the truth, shows that you have not lost that inborn love a child has for their mother. so, i don't know if it's right or wrong to let her continue in bliss, but it's sweet that you don't want her to go through the pain of realizing the hypocricy of her faith like you had to. isn't that truly, "loving your neighbor as yourself"?. that's my take on it anyways. :)

hemp lover

Interesting question. I kind of went through the same thought process after my mom died. One of my friends insisted that because my mother had never smoked a cigarette, gotten drunk/stoned, traveled outside the U.S., etc., that she hadn't truly lived. My friend couldn't seem to understand that just because all of the above are things that she or I wouldn't want to leave this life without experiencing, doesn't mean that someone who hasn't or didn't WANT to experience those things didn't have a good life...for them.

AuldSoul

Letting her be is a great thing. Unless she is just a crackerjack at bringing in new recruits, she is likely doing no more harm than if she joined a knitting circle or a bridge club. She is just whiling away her life in idle, empty pursuits. But she may get a sense of satisfaction from doing so.

My 2p says your brother is wise.

Respectfully,
AuldSoul

coolhandluke

I think as a former JW, we are taught to put conditions on accepting people's choices. while it is sad that your mother, as so many JW's, would give up a child in the name of their religion, the fact that you love your mother so much that you see it would be mentally devastating if she were to realize the untruths about the truth, shows that you have not lost that inborn love a child has for their mother. so, i don't know if it's right or wrong to let her continue in bliss, but it's sweet that you don't want her to go through the pain of realizing the hypocricy of her faith like you had to. isn't that truly, "loving your neighbor as yourself"?. that's my take on it anyways. :)

Thank you. That helps a lot. Thank you

coolhandluke

Unless she is just a crackerjack at bringing in new recruits

Even if she was. She lives in the US. It's not going to make a difference.

My 2p says your brother is wise.

He really really is. Very much a guide for me in my travels in this verse. If I were to lose him, I'd be lost

skyking

I am in the same situation you are in right now. It sucks.

Mystla

I don't know your mother (obviously) but I do know mine. She is miserable. She wallows in guilt over not being able to "do more in the truth" and she exhausted physically from trying to work a regular job and keep her janitorial accounts in order to pay taxes she got behind on when she was pioneering. She has no retirement plan. She's 57 with no health plan.

The "truth" is her crutch. Would she be happier without it? I honestly think she would, but the road she would have to take to get mentaly free of the jws would be long and hard, very hard.

My mom is also a drama queen.. so maybe she likes the guilt and misery and poverty... who knows?

I'm not going to go out of my way to "get her out" but if I ever see a chink in the armor I will exploit it and see what happens.

Misty

coolhandluke

I'm not going to go out of my way to "get her out" but if I ever see a chink in the armor I will exploit it and see what happens.

agreed. wholeheartedly.

parakeet

coolhandluke: "What if I just allow her to be? She's safe, focused, goal oriented and proud of her accomplishments."

I completely understand your dilemma. When I faded away from the JWs 25+ years ago, I decided then not to attempt prying my mother away from her beliefs, partly because she seemed satisfied to be a JW, and partly because I didn't want to risk losing our relationship to the point of no contact at all.

She's now in her late 70s. Her health is beginning to fail, the "new world" has still not arrived, most of her children have left the JWs, and although still a fervent JW, she has grown bitter. When I look back on all she has missed because of the JWs -- close relationships with children and grandchildren, holidays and celebrations, freedom of thought -- I sometimes think I made a mistake just letting her alone. Now, of course, it's too late to do anything. Even if I could persuade her of the errors in WT thinking, she would lose her entire social structure -- meetings, friends, study. The stress would be too much for her.

All you can do is judge as well as you can what's in your mother's best interest and learn to live with not knowing whether you did the right thing. Good luck.

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