Hey Luke you know what, my mother is the same. I have been trying for many years to get my mother to understand things. Nothing seems to get through to her. A couple of years ago, she had triple heart by pass surgery and is starting to get sick again. When you become aware of your mortality, and your mothers, you will realize that the only thing that matters is that she loves you in her heart despite that fact that it's warped. I now know that my mother needs this and will never change. She is a victim of this cult just as you are. Feel pity and love her anyways. The only closure to this for me is to understand that she loves me and really thinks she's doing the right thing. I can work around it because I know this. It's all you can ask for,even if we don't get loved the way we would like to be. I was never ever hugged growing up either, but then maybe she wasn't. Show her love, but let her know, that you wish to be respected for who you are even if you have to remind her. This is almost a matter of role reversal where you are now the adult and she is he child. If you show love and she rejects it just remember she is acting like a child and try to be patient the way your brother is with you. I hope this helps bud. Take care and good luck. Love is all that matters. We cannot replace our mothers, but if you determine her to be a sociopath, get away, this can only damage you, and pray for her soul.
What if....?
by coolhandluke 16 Replies latest jw friends
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Scully
She chooses her life based on what she thinks she'll gain from it. Her ignorance is self imposed but that ignorance is her happiness.
Would you feel the same way if your mom found her "happiness" in a drug addiction? Would you still feel that she's only harming herself, or would you look at the spider web of consequences to herself and everyone her life touches? Would you see that she is spending her time and money so she could get her fix as often as she can, even if her habit eats away at whatever inheritance she could bequeath to you and your siblings one day?
What if she was caught in a web of prostitution, and her pimp got her hooked on drugs? Would you say that she's not hurting anyone but herself? My belief is that the WTS is a kind of pimp, and JWs have been sucked into a life of prostitution: they often give up their future happiness and security in order to do the bidding of the WTS/pimp, and whatever money they procure in the process of prostituting their lives for the cult, they turn over to the cult. Would you let her prostitute her real life away? If not, then why would you allow her to prostitute her mind and soul to a cult?
Who am I to take it from her?
A son who loves his mother, maybe?
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lola28
A son who loves his mother, maybe?
I think that's unfair Scully, Luke loves his mother enough to want to have a relationship with her, he tries to stay in contact with her even tho he knows she disapproves of the choices he has made (sorry if I'm talking for you here Luke but I think I know you well enough to know what she means to you).
I think he would rather have his mother with him and his grandmother too, but he knows that telling them the truth would devestate them and he would rather suffer alone than have them with him and see them lose all that they hold dear. I think that says a lot about a person, don't you?
Lola
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Abandoned
I'm glad he loves his mother and maybe some people are helped or better off in the jw. I can't speak for everyone. I know that in my case I was only hurt by that group. I started to pay when I started studying by losing my wife (sure, she could have left anyway), and I've regretted every time I've gone back or become active.
Now I'm an apostate and I've committed their unforgivable sin - thinking for myself - so hopefully I won't get any worse. That said, I still ahve a long way to go.
So, I wish you and your brother well. I hope your mom truly is happy, and I hope she never recruits anyone who later regrets it.
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Scully
lola:
A son who loves his mother, maybe?
I think that's unfair Scully, Luke loves his mother enough to want to have a relationship with her, he tries to stay in contact with her even tho he knows she disapproves of the choices he has made (sorry if I'm talking for you here Luke but I think I know you well enough to know what she means to you).
I think he would rather have his mother with him and his grandmother too, but he knows that telling them the truth would devestate them and he would rather suffer alone than have them with him and see them lose all that they hold dear. I think that says a lot about a person, don't you?
Of course, I know that Luke does love his mom, and yes, the fact that he wants to respect her wishes to hold a belief system that gives her permission to treat Luke like crap. What I'm trying to point out is that just because a belief system (like a drug) gives the person something that makes them "feel good" doesn't necessarily mean that it's good for her or anyone else.
Do you think it's easy for a drug addict to go through an intervention and have to hear how drugs are ruining the person and their relationships with the people who love them? Do you think an intervention is in their best interests? or the best interests of the people who care about them?
Just because this "drug" hides behind the façade of a belief system, doesn't make it any less harmful than any other addiction.
Lots of us - myself included - grapple with this issue. Sure, the path of least resistance is to let them be, to not challenge their anti-social, family wrecking attitudes and behaviour, to try to "make nice" and just accept that this is the way things are, and take whatever scraps of affection (if any) they toss in our general direction. What if, though, an intervention - though devastating - gets them to WAKE UP? I'd rather have them royally pissed with me for a while and eventually realize that they've been misled for almost 40 years, and then be able to resume as normal a relationship with them as possible, than have them die enslaved in the cult and not have a relationship with them.
Anyway, I was just offering an alternate point of view to the "live and let live" scenario. Luke loses his mom; his mom loses him; the WTS gains her physically, emotionally and mentally. An intervention - at the very least - is an opportunity to put the WTS on the losing end of the equation for a change.
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coolhandluke
Hey Luke you know what, my mother is the same. I have been trying for many years to get my mother to understand things. Nothing seems to get through to her. A couple of years ago, she had triple heart by pass surgery and is starting to get sick again. When you become aware of your mortality, and your mothers, you will realize that the only thing that matters is that she loves you in her heart despite that fact that it's warped. I now know that my mother needs this and will never change. She is a victim of this cult just as you are. Feel pity and love her anyways. The only closure to this for me is to understand that she loves me and really thinks she's doing the right thing. I can work around it because I know this. It's all you can ask for,even if we don't get loved the way we would like to be. I was never ever hugged growing up either, but then maybe she wasn't. Show her love, but let her know, that you wish to be respected for who you are even if you have to remind her. This is almost a matter of role reversal where you are now the adult and she is he child. If you show love and she rejects it just remember she is acting like a child and try to be patient the way your brother is with you. I hope this helps bud. Take care and good luck. Love is all that matters. We cannot replace our mothers, but if you determine her to be a sociopath, get away, this can only damage you, and pray for her soul.
Thank you. I'm going to save this and refer to it again later. This has helped me. Thanks again.
P.S. My mom was great to me growing up. We were best friends. Perhaps this is why it is so hard. She once said to me that the most difficult thing for her was resisting the urge to call me for every problem that arose in her life. That was hard for me to hear. She felt like she needed me and in that I had failed her and failed our relationship by my choice to leave
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coolhandluke
thanks for the assist Lola. I think you were spot on. Scully? I'm just not angry about it. It makes me sad, but doesn't make me want to lash out. I have a hard time holding onto resentment. It is a poison. Day in and day out all of you do a service to people leaving. I appreicate that because that means you are here for me when I need it. The problem for me is sustained anger. I just don't have it in me.