When is a fade finished?

Nellie

So I was thinking - If I don't DA myself and they don't DF me, am I doomed forever to this limbo called "fade?" When do I stop worrying about "what if they find out?" When will they (if they saw me) just think of me as someone they knew, rather than "one of their flock" - even when they know I'm inactive? Is there a time limit on the fade? It's been 2 years since we were at a meeting, that's 2 missed memorials, no conventions or assemblies, no CO visit attendances, etc. When will I stop being inactive and become GONE to them?

fullofdoubtnow

When will I stop being inactive and become GONE to them?

I doubt you will. Unless you da, or they df you, you will be seen as inactive, but you will still be regarded as a jw. I suppose it depends on the body of elders where you used to go. The ones where I used to attend would go after people who tried to fade, particularly if they had previously been regarded as congregation stalwarts. It sounds like your boe are less bothered, so you could fade for years without them bothering to see what has happened to you.

Who knows, maybe you are gone to them already.

garybuss

I hadn't attended group meetings for 9 years before a Batman and Robin team of elders came to see me uninvited. Then it was 9 more years before the Witness people started shunning me.

The Witnesses had always told me that if I ever had any questions about the Witnesses, to just go to a Witness to get the questions answered. Well, I read Crisis Of Conscience and I had a LOT of questions. Guess what!

blondie

It depends on the BOE and the congregation as individuals. 2 years is about right to be forgotten. Remember new people move in and old people move away, die, fade themselves. In about 2 years less than 15 people will even know your name. I remember once they announced someone as df'd (back in the past) and everyone went "who?"

How many JWs called you anyway from your congregation just to chat?

Blondie

james_woods

I agree probably two years for most - to get the Elders to leave you alone, that is.

However, there is also the internal conflict of the person themselves. I always said this was over for me when I realized that I had just lived for probably a week or more without having any "ex-JW" thoughts - just lived like a "normal person".

Sort of like getting over a toothache - you don't know precisely when it quits hurting, except when one day you just realize it doesn't hurt any more.

James

Why Georgia

My husband has been on the fade for 6 years. We had a visit last month.

I think it depends on if you have family that are regular seat warmers at the KH. Most my husbands family is still in, so they bother us even though we have sent them letters saying - Do not knock, come by, stalk, write, call , email, send mail or pass go....!

You just have to remember, bad association spoils useful habits.....so don't associate with JW's. LOL!

Chrystal

done4good

It all depends, really. I didn't attend a meeting for about 6 months before any elder even decided to give me a call. I didn't answer any of the calls, and eventually, they just went away. I have an "inactive", (borderline fading), jw buddy who later told me that the elder who called me asked him if he knew of my whereabouts. He just told them that I moved out of the area. The elder then replied, "Good, he's not our problem anymore". Bottom line: Most of the time the elders really don't want to chase after anyone anyway, and normally, just a good "Don't call me anymore", is enough for them for go away.

j

kid-A

Although a huge proponent of fading, one drawback is that for your family, it never really "ends", they will always have this absurd notion in the backs of their minds

that you will "return to jehoobie" one day. As for the elder gestapo, it totally depends on the hall and the circumstances. If its a a clean fade (e.g. no issues of immorality or apostacy that they want to nail you for), I would say 2 years is about normal.

If they have some bone to pick with you, it could drag on several more years than that until the issue is resolved, one way or the other.

Fleshybirdfodder

I don't think anyone can conclusively pin an exact time frame on a fade. What really is a "fade" anyway? I think there is a period where you have to find yourself and really analyze your belief system. That time is your own, and you will find people that will agree and disagree with you, as you find yourself as a person. One day you might wake up and find you have a completely different set of values, beliefs, and interests than you ever had in the org. At that point you will be so excited you won't even think about the concept of fading.

FBF

Stealth453

My brother faded over 15 years ago. Last week he got a visit from Abbot and Costello warning him that 'putting up Christmas lights was grounds for disfellowshipping'. I certainly wish I could post his reply.

The announcement should be anyday now.

Way to go Bro!!!!!!

When is a fade finished?

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