In-laws from planet INSANE!

by free2beme 11 Replies latest jw friends

  • free2beme
    free2beme

    Oh, I know it is so common to not get along with your in-laws, and comedians pull off this issue all the time. I just think I have two of the most insane in-laws in my life and want to share some crazy in-law stories and wondered if others had some good ones too, funny or not. Mine are a limitless bunch to pull from, as they always do something daily to add to the pile.

    Their home, and trying to make it better.

    My in-laws live in a 30 year old single-wide trailer with tip out. For years we have tried to encourage them to build a house, as they owe nothing on the property and they could borrow against it. They could get a loan due to terrible credit, so we decided to help them out and have it built for them as a duplex and use the rent from the other house to off-set their payment. They were all excited, and we arranged for a contractor and everything and got the ball rolling. One day, I was sitting at home and the contractor calls me and explains the project was canceled by my mother-in-law. I called my mother-in-law to see what was wrong. She explained that they came out to show where the house would be built and explained that a large tree on the property would have to be removed. This tree has destroyed part of their trailer in it's growth, as it has broken the foundation and destroyed part of the roof. I could not understand why she would not want it gone, to get a new home. She explained, her mother and father planted it and they died 20 years ago and it gave her something to remember them. I offered to build a chair out of it or something, but let it be tore down. She would not have it, and the project ended and they still live in the trailer. Last month a branch fell off the tree and crashed through their back room. They could not afford to fix it, so they sealed up the room, to not let air in or out from the rest of the trailer and moved on. This trailer has leaks all over, you can feel wind through the walls in some locations and the sink in the kitchen and bathroom do not work, so all water is taken from the bathtub. We were going to build them a brand new duplex, with all new everything, but because of this tree ... to this day she says she will die in this house before she sees it replaced. Might be sooner, rather then later as this tree is about to drop more branches on their bedroom and they will not let us cut them down ... IS THAT INSANE TO YOU?

  • Elsewhere
    Elsewhere

    Sounds like that tree is slowly tearing that place apart.. I wonder if her mother and father are trying to tell her something.

  • J-ex-W
    J-ex-W

    I can thoroughly understand your frustration with them. You're right. The decisions don't make sense. I feel for you--I hope it's not like that in all her other decision-making moments, little ones as well as big. That would have to drive everyone around her crazy!

  • serendipity
    serendipity

    I love trees - so I can understand the reluctance to cut it down.

    I'd move out of the trailer during construction, remove it, and try to build the house in the footprint of the trailer as much as possible.

    I guess they aren't miserable enough in their surroundings to find a solution.

  • free2beme
    free2beme

    I wish I could say they were happy with this trailer and make it sound like it makes sense. That is not the case, even last night she arrived over here and mentioned her embarrassment with the house and how she wishes she had something else. We have tried to get a lay-out for the new house to be around the tree, but then we ran across another problem. A shed in the back that has to go, no matter what, was built by her father and she will not let that go either. We have just accepted that one day this trailer will cave in on itself and they can live in that shed and use the tree for shade in the summer to keep cool, and perhaps the branches that fall off all the time as firewood to keep warm in the winter. As we can not get any sane thoughts through to them, and my spouse mother is hung up on her parents death from 20 years ago. She cries about them not being here, daily, and it has been twenty years. She also has a chair that broke, that was the last place her father set in her house. That she will not throw away, and lets it set on the outside rotting. About a year ago, her son took it to the dump, as one of his children got hurt on it. She was so upset, that she went back to the dump and found it and brought it back. Like I said, INSANE.

  • bikerchic
    bikerchic

    Letting go.....a problem which in extreme (and I would say your MIL fits that bill) is definitely a sign of mental instability.

    ... to this day she says she will die in this house before she sees it replaced. Might be sooner, rather then later as this tree is about to drop more branches on their bedroom and they will not let us cut them down ... IS THAT INSANE TO YOU?

    Hun, I think with that statement she has made her wishes be known and as far as I can see it's almost as insane to continue to "help" her. You sound like you really care about her and her dire living conditions, but it seems as if you care more about her and her living conditions than she does. Does that make sense? Are you letting the situation drive you insane?

    I would get on with living your life and forget about helping her any longer. A life well lived is the best example you can offer her. When she brings up how embarrassed she is over her home or whatever to do with the tree, trailer or anything connected, change the subject abruptly and refuse to talk to her about it. You can do that in a nice way without making a fuss, simply say "look at that cloud!".....or excuse yourself and leave the room to go fetch something. She will eventually quit bringing up the subject. Don't let her drive you insane. Also less time spent with her would be really helpful IMHO.

    You've offered and IMHO went far beyond the norm, she refused, let it go or you become just like her........

    You might want to read "The Art of Letting Go" by Melody Beattie

  • willyloman
    willyloman

    No offense towards your parents, but when I read this the famous line from the comedian, Ron White, popped into my head:

    "You can't fix stupid."

  • Dismembered
    Dismembered

    Greetings free2beme,

    :IS THAT INSANE TO YOU?

    100%. Here you want to help them in a way that many could never be helped. They're all worried about some sentimental good luck charm. I'd be careful getting to involved in helping people with that kind of thinking. It's probably a major reason they live in "tuna fish can" in the first place. It's like they are looking a gift horse in the mouth. Good Luck!

    At the risk of sounding redundant, and to answer your question, it's incredibly insane.

    Dismembered

  • Qcmbr
    Qcmbr

    Can you get the local govt. to forcibly remove the tree as a danger to life?

  • itsallgoodnow
    itsallgoodnow

    maybe her dead relative is trying to say something to her? I don't know.

    It's hard to see older parents making unreasonable choices, and they can be adamant about them, and harmed by them. It makes the caregivers frustrated and feeling powerless to help. I can completely relate...

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