That is the conclusion I've come to. Up until then, and because of my own depressed feelings, I have felt differently. This changed for me last night, though.
A longtime 'best friend' (more like family than a "friend" title)...well, her mom was finally able to get in touch with me. She told me she was dead, and that she killed herself a month ago. Of course, that is still yesterday to her family. A mix of pills to overdose on and, from what I could still comprehend (my brain went into shut-down-and-cry mode), carbon monoxide since she left herself to die in her car. She wanted to die. She was 30, married (separated) and has a 10 year old daughter.
I've known Sharon since I was 8. It's been a few years since we've talked, but kept in touch with emails. It has been even longer since seeing each other. I am so devastated. What I wouldn't do for one last chance to see her, to hug her. Damn. So many life experiences with her. My heart aches as though I feel her pain in addition to the grief I now have. For a second, I actually thought, "Am I capable of such a thing? This is real. Suicide is real."
And the anger. Anyone you come in contact with may love you and you don't even know it.
I am at work as always, but I could sure use a hug. I'm still in shock. Memories are flooding me.
