by Schism 30 Replies latest jw friends
S-Man
Keep up with the depression and then when you feel that won't work, say nothing. Some will think it's for some sin and you can't prevent that so don't try. They will lose interest and you will have your fade.
Don't lose patience. It's your friend,
OH yeah:
In my mind, I have been playing around with the idea that I could pull my "social anxiety" card, which I was also diagnosed with. But I know they won't believe me. They know I lie to get out of stuff. This will just be another lie, and I have already burned my parents enough (got into LOTS of trouble and was DFed at 18). I'd rather a nice way to tell them the truth than to lie.
But I am too chicken to come out and say it
Tell them you have some things that you need to work out in your own mind. Be exceptionally vague about what they are. Ask that they respect you and give you the time you need.
You don't owe any of them an answer. It's harder with family, but even with them, be as vague as possible. If you don't want to 'incriminate' yourself, and be DF'd, then vague is essential.
GGG
You guys have some great advice. I should avoid biting the bullet just yet. It's going to be difficult trying to be vague and act like there's something I need to think about, but I think it's been very obvious all of my life that I never liked being a JW. They must already be in a state of denial, but I'm sure they know what's up.
I'm still laughing at OnTheWayOut's depiction of what that sort of "I don't wanna talk about it" conversation looks like!
These people are stressing me. Where can I move?
Tell them that your depression is getting so severe that even the otherwise wonderful (not!) thought of seeing the CO is just too much for you right now. Maybe next time (not!).
I've been going to meetings but missing the visits from the holier than me and thou COs and DOs.
I think that the majority are true bullies. There is nothing spiritual about a man who stands in front of an audience, singles out a Mom (single Mom at that) with four kids and orders her outside (in the rain!) because the little one is fussing. How about scolding by name (from the pulpit) some mid-20s Bros for "dressing fashionably?" These are TRULY nice kids and don't deserve to be dumped on by Napolean figures. Just goes to show that no matter how much you give, that they will never be satisfied.
After the meeting I cornered him in the john and made a few remarks about his "Christianity" that I bet no other JW in the world would make, then hit the door never to see him again.
When someone reminds me of the CO meeting I tell them I will be on vacation that week. If they see me at the market it's "Oh I just got back" or "Oh I changed my plans" etc.
Anyway resist! The guilt and/or pressure is from some people who are VERY deluded about what constitutes "good". You really don't need their influence to appreciate the divine.
Good luck! Tell them you are confused and at every meeting the ugly attitude towards the world and everyone outside of the Borg disturbs you so much that you can barely look at the people repeating the information that the borg distributes. Tell them that you LIKE people and can't reconcile the hateful things coming out of peoples mouths-quoting the WT publications, and their anecdotes- with the reality you face every day. Tell them you have authority issues also, and can't just take them at their word. You need to really evaluate things for yourself, would rather not talk about it and don't want to make any decisions at this time or under any pressure. You love them so much and don't want to disappoint them, so you really need to re-evaluate without congregational pressure.
Thats one idea. Or you could just say: "I wanted to fade, Mom and Dad, and I don't want to lose you by being DA'd. So please, just let me, and I won't do anything to embarrass you or shame you at the hall. I just can't go back. I love you so much. I won't tell you all my reasons, I don't want to hurt you. Just let me quietly fade out, please?
I like the second idea better. With some parents it would work, some not. You know your folks.Best wishes.
When well meaning friends and elders (and one teenaged girl) would try to get me to go to meetings, I told them almost exactly what has been suggested. I said "I am going through some bad times in my head, and I am also working an awful lot. I just need some time to get things worked out. I will let you know when I need help, okay? For now, I just can't deal with this."
It worked. No one came by for a few more years!!!
I like ConfusedJW's advice. There's also the needy JW with depression
syndrome.
If they continue to call you, want to talk to you, become needy or obsessed.
Say "No, I can't make it to the meeting, no don't stop by to talk to me.
What I really need is a ride to the doctor's office."
"I changed medicine and need to stay near the bathroom. Do you think
you could get my groceries?"
"I am worried about this month. I messed up my finances. Could you help
me out until the end of the month?"
A crazy obsessed person- "I wanted to go to the meeting, but I need to get
my brakes checked. I read/saw this story about it and I am afraid to get in the
car until I get them checked. When were your brakes checked?" OR
"If I don't get my basement painted/yard cleaned/gutters cleared- then I can't get
to the meetings. Can you imagine going to the Kingdom Hall with cluttered gutters?"
What you want to tell them is not what they want to hear. There is no good way outside of not raising your voice or get in an argument with them. You must be true to yourself and it is your life to make your own choices. Just as they made their choice. They should respect that, but JWs live by a different set of rules. Their way or no way.
Be prepared and ask yourself if you can live with what they will decide to do w/their relationship w/you. If you don't think you can, then it's best to keep coming up w/some illness (I personally hate to be deceiving, but you do what you can live with) It makes it hard when they live so close.
Best to you.
Juni
