A Painless Relationship - Possible?

by compound complex 24 Replies latest jw friends

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  compound complex

  Dear Newest Best Friends,

  We spend a lot of time here - learning and helping one another out - a worldwide "brother- and sisterhood." Quite different from what we left behind. But we had to have had some good times and really good friends. Ups and downs. Did you ever have a relationship that was NOT an emotional rollercoaster ride and was mutually uplifting? Not necessarily perfect. With a grandparent, teacher/mentor, sibling, dog, pet rock? In my case, it was usually an older, wiser, more patient person, who smiled and put up with me...how about you?

  CoCo
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  kls

  Nope, can't say i have ,even with a pet rock the relationship was all one sided.
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  juni

  I can list three for you CoCo.

  - a friend

  - my daughter

  - my canine friends (2 in particular)
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  PoppyR

  Not with another human being because they have their own views, opinions, feelings etc, and you are bound occasionally to rub each other up the wrong way. In saying that you wouldn't be without your friends would you? The world would be a sad place.

  My relationship with my dog is pure pleasure, I tell him all my problems, he nods and looks wise, wags his tail, chases his ball and I instantly feel better. I think the best part is he never gives me his opinion, just pure love and devotion.

  Poppy
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  diamondblue1974

  We spend a lot of time here - learning and helping one another out - a worldwide "brother- and sisterhood." Quite different from what we left behind. But we had to have had some good times and really good friends. Ups and downs. Did you ever have a relationship that was NOT an emotional rollercoaster ride and was mutually uplifting? Not necessarily perfect. With a grandparent, teacher/mentor, sibling, dog, pet rock? In my case, it was usually an older, wiser, more patient person, who smiled and put up with me...how about you?

  Whilst as a Jehovahs Witness I struggled to find friends which were mutually uplifting in fact they were for the most part quite the opposite and had their own agendas. I had two or three great friends but they too left the witnesses for a number of reasons; they are still great friends and I know I can count on them should I need to.

  Most friendships with people older than myself in the witnesses were full of friction as most of what they were saying didnt make any sense to me and was full of inconsistencies. Their inability to explain themselves or provide any real clarity and my inability to keep my mouth shut when I saw the inconsistencies created a real barrier to there being mutual respect.

  Since leaving however my circle of friends has increased dramatically.

  Relationships however are different; where they tend to involve emotion, they tend also to have a rollercoaster effect and this is unavoidable; we are all individuals and sometimes this creates friction and sometimes even pain. Even the most mutually uplifting relationships can have this effect. What counters this though is the depth of feeling you have for the other person and through seeking to understand them more the peaks and troughs tend to be less pronounced.

  DB74
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  Hannah

  You mentioned we had some really good times. Yes I agree. Some really good friends? No. Good friends stick by, hold your hand, lend you their shoulder to cry on...you get the idea. They don't drop you like a hot tamale because your spiritual outlook has changed. So what. Your inner core is still the same. You hold fast to the same morals. You wouldn't think of harming your "really good friends" or severing ties with them because they decided to change from lets say Methodist to (insert whatever). That's what makes the whole JW thing so wacky. It forces people to do things against nature i.e. shun loved ones

  As far as painless relationships goes. My sons and my best friend (who is more of a mother to me).
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  Satanus

  Bttt.

  S
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  compound complex

  Dear Friends,

  So well put! Quite agreed on others possibly having an agenda and the unavoidable friction present in any relationship. I was always aware of my limitations, and that I could become impatient with a friend or family member who did me no wrong whatsoever. That helped me understand that someone might treat me badly when I really didn't deserve it. "A man's insight slows down his anger." Living and still learning! Thanx for your stories. I'm going to find me a pooch!

  CoCo
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  compound complex

  If you please, share your thoughts.............BTTT
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  outoftheorg

  There are no genuine lasting ties between one jw and the other jw's,

  The lack of genuine ties even exist within the family.

  Family members are more than willing to treat another member with hateful actions if they do not follow the demands of the cult.

  This has been my life. Lost wife, lost brother and two sisters, one of my children.

  It is so difficult, to know that I have done no wrong, yet I am treated as dead by some of my family.

  The reality of it all, hangs over me all day every day. Try as I may it never goes away.

  I can be enjoying my true worldly friends and neighbors. Still it is in the back ground, quietly waiting to display itself again and again.

  If I am in the restaurant I like the most and joking with a waitress, one of the men who at a time earlier in my life, showed he wanted to know one of my daughters, will show up and in his own way show me that he hates me and shuns me.

  I have decided to tell the waitress's and other friends here, why he behaves as he does toward me. At first they can't believe it. Lately I can see that they are starting to see it for themselves.

  Outoftheorg